The making of a cheater ...

ironman · 02-08-2013, 03:47 PM

1) Raised by an violent, gambling, alcoholic father

2) Developed own alcohol problem as a young teenager

3) Cheated on by first girlfriend and had first love utterly crushed

4) joined a college fraternity of like-minded individuals

5) Became a sexaholic (slept with close to 50 women) thereafter

6) Slowed down the sleeping around toward the end of college and sought "real" companionship in a gorgeous woman ... she cheated and heart was crushed again

7) Kept in shape (was always a gym rat) and wandered through several more open-relationships

8) Met a new girl and married her b/c felt she "paid her dues" by remaining loyal for several years

9) Never really was truly "reformed" to be loyal.

This is my story. It's why I'm here. I'm fighting the urge to cheat every day. My reading infidelity stories and helping others understand why things happen in a way is helping me develop better empathy I think.

What makes me sadder is not these stories, it's what I see every day. I've always been the "alpha" type of guy, leader so to speak, and married women are practically throwing themselves at me everyday. I'm beginning to really feel bad for their husbands I guess now that I am one. And yes, I do love my wife.

SomedayDig · 02-08-2013, 03:51 PM

You love your wife but you love yourself a whole lot more. And that is your issue. If you're the guy at the gym who does his cable crossovers at the mirror...yeah...you're the guy that everyone kind of knows about. You aren't hiding it. You might think you are, but the only one you're smoke screening is yourself.

How would it make you feel if your wife was out there with those urges? What about her 'Goddess' that she is gonna find, man? Whatcha gonna do when that happens?

Alpha ain't about being the big dog. It's about being a real man.

ironman · 02-08-2013, 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SomedayDig

You love your wife but you love yourself a whole lot more.

I don't disagree.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SomedayDig

You aren't hiding it. You might think you are, but the only one you're smoke screening is yourself.

If I was hiding it .. I wouldn't bother posting this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SomedayDig

How would it make you feel if your wife was out there with those urges?

I'm a hypocrite .. I would divorce her instantly.

C-man · 02-08-2013, 04:00 PM

You recognize your problem and you love your wife. That's a good start.

What you haven't mentioned is if you've cheated on your wife or just thought about it and have successfully fought the urge.

You know the drill - total honesty. And keep in mind - maybe you're just not right for marriage. Any kids? If not, then maybe you should be single again and just live the lifestyle.

Hope1964 · 02-08-2013, 04:01 PM

Why are you married?

SomedayDig · 02-08-2013, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ironman

If I was hiding it .. I wouldn't bother posting this.

I'm talking about from her. You can think whatever you want but I'd venture a guess to say that your wife has a sense about the real you.

ironman · 02-08-2013, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hope1964

Why are you married?

She wanted it very badly and I somewhat did .. marriage I mean. Although, like I said I do love her.

ironman · 02-08-2013, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SomedayDig

I'm talking about from her. You can think whatever you want but I'd venture a guess to say that your wife has a sense about the real you.

She does.

C-man · 02-08-2013, 04:05 PM

How do you define "love"?

SomedayDig · 02-08-2013, 04:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ironman

She does.

Okay. So, why are you here? To give everyone insight to what a cheater is? To divest your soul of your ways?

Does your wife have a profile here to give her side? I mean THAT would be interesting. Get her on here so that we can ALL chat about what a cheater does and how his wife accepts it.

ironman · 02-08-2013, 04:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by C-man

What you haven't mentioned is if you've cheated on your wife or just thought about it and have successfully fought the urge.

You know the drill - total honesty. And keep in mind - maybe you're just not right for marriage.

I have had PAs in past and regret them terribly. No emotional connection whatsoever. I am a cake-eater. The kind of guy BHs hate.

Hope1964 · 02-08-2013, 04:13 PM

Does she know you cheat on her?

Have you ever considered that you need a 12 step program?

C-man · 02-08-2013, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ironman

I have had PAs in past and regret them terribly. No emotional connection whatsoever. I am a cake-eater. The kind of guy BHs hate.

After marriage - or when you were single with married woman?

If you don't have kids, and you can't control your wandering, I don't know why you want to stay married. You can't love your wife and do this to her. So either you don't love your wife (so should be single) or you DO love your wife but are screwed up (in which case, you need to tell your wife BECAUSE you love her and give her the opportunity to decide).

ironman · 02-08-2013, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SomedayDig

Okay. So, why are you here

I addressed that in my OP.

Hope1964 · 02-08-2013, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ironman

I addressed that in my OP.

So, what? You want us to help you keep from cheating?

My advice would be to be single and unattached. Problem solved. I think you're one of those people who just can't be monogamous.

What do YOU think?