WH wants to go out with they guys tonight. Huge trigger!!
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » WH wants to go out with they guys tonight. Huge trigger!!

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 02-08-2013, 05:14 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default WH wants to go out with they guys tonight. Huge trigger!!

I don't know what to do!! WH was asked to go to a bar tonight with a group of guys from work. This is a major trigger for me. He used "bar with the guys" as an excuse back in November to hook up with OW at a motel. That next morning was a major DD. There were many to follow. As far as I can tell he is being on the up And up though. He has offered to let me call and talk to the guys, to make their plans on speaker phone, I already have gps on his phone. I don't know I I can handle this. We are only 2mths out.
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Old 02-08-2013, 05:16 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: WH wants to go out with they guys tonight. Huge trigger!!

If you're not comfortable with it tell him you're not and ask him not to go. Honestly he should have had enough common sense to not have even considered going in the first place if he was serious about making things work between you.
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Old 02-08-2013, 05:18 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: WH wants to go out with they guys tonight. Huge trigger!!

I would think that would be a little too soon after recovery to participate in activities that gave opportunity to destroy the marriage in the first place.
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Old 02-08-2013, 05:22 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: WH wants to go out with they guys tonight. Huge trigger!!

The most you should be willing to do at this fragile point is to limit his time to less than an hour. He should be able to have two drinks in that time and stay out of trouble - unless it's trouble he wants.,
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Old 02-08-2013, 05:24 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: WH wants to go out with they guys tonight. Huge trigger!!

If he doesn't get why you don't want him to go then he is dense.
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Old 02-08-2013, 05:27 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: WH wants to go out with they guys tonight. Huge trigger!!

Just put your foot down---he is still acting selfish---he doesn't "get it"---does he----HE IS MARRIED---MARRIED MEN ESPECIALLY AFTER CHEATING DO NOT GO OUT WITH THE GUYS TO BARS

Tell him either he stays home and acts like a married man---or he can defend a D. action and be single, and go to all the bars he wants

If he pouts or acts unhappy, get right up in his face about it---remind him he is married, and is s'pose to be with you, and he can't be trusted, anyway at this point---AND WALK AWAY

If he goes out---with the guys---you know where you are at

Besides, offering to let you talk to the guys at the bar---proves nothing---he can still be messing around with women, when he isn't talking to you on the phone

DRAW YOUR LINE IN THE SAND---either he is in a mge., with YOU, or he isn't!!!!!!!
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Old 02-08-2013, 05:30 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: WH wants to go out with they guys tonight. Huge trigger!!

I changed my mind. If you give permission, even with a time limit. He will only ask for a bigger limit next time.

Sooooo affair = no more 'drinks with the guys'
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Old 02-08-2013, 05:40 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: WH wants to go out with they guys tonight. Huge trigger!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by SaltInWound View Post
I would think that would be a little too soon after recovery to participate in activities that gave opportunity to destroy the marriage in the first place.
I agree. I don't think you would want to keep him from going out with the guys for the rest of his life ... but two months into R is very soon.
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Old 02-09-2013, 08:54 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: WH wants to go out with they guys tonight. Huge trigger!!

How are you doing this morning?
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