Hope I am wrong
I am new to this site and new to forum/chat all together.
I am concerned that my husband may be cheating or having an emotional affair.
We had problems two years ago. He told me one day that he started saying, "I love you" to a female coworker. I am not sure why he told me this. They had been friends for many years, long before he knew me but had not ever said I love you to each other. He himself told me this was something new for them. I got very upset and this made him very angry. He kept saying, "All I did was tell my best friend that I love her!". They often spoke outside of work. She also spoke with me outside of work but after the "I love you", I was bothered by their relationship outside of work. It sent us to counseling and I suppose that helped. We got passed it.
Now he has started calling/texting another woman. She is also a coworker. They are having issues at work (with the first woman) and want to venture out on their own with a new business. Last month, the calls became fairly frequent. He left the room every time she called. I told him that I did not appreciate the frequency of calls and ask that he stay in the room if she did call. The next time he did stay in the room and it did appear that it was all business related.
Then the calls to the house stopped. I thought that was odd so I started checking his cell phone. Her number appeared very frequently. There were also some text messages - none that would imply an affair. I then out of anger and insecurity, asked him about his relationship with this woman. He was slightly annoyed but reassured me that nothing was going on - he loves me.
My inquiry into the relationship must have clued him in that I was snooping. He started deleting cell phone info. However, he would sometimes forget the out box so I knew they were still communicating outside of work. I stopped mentioning my concerns and he has become more careless with his cell phone. They talk all the time. He is with her for almost ten hours four days a week. Why can't they settle business during those hours? It appears that every time he leaves the house, he calls her or she calls him. He left the other day for what should have been a quick appointment. It took him four hours. When I asked what took him so long, he said he had to pick up a few things. I did ask if he had contact with her during that time and he said no. When I checked his cell, I knew he lied. He called her almost as soon as he was pulling out of the drive way. There were five calls back and forth. They were short, the longest being eight minutes.
This is my second marriage and I still have one child at home. He has been very good to my children and they care for him very much. I do not want to break up the family. There is more than myself to consider.
Do I have cause for concern? Is he lying and hiding calls because I have shown jealousy and he just does not want to deal with it? Do I continue to snoop?
I am having trouble sleeping. I can barely look him in the eye much less have any intimacy. I am sure it is obvious to him that I am not the same and something is wrong. I try to be loving because I know that I could be wrong. I do not want the marriage to end due to foolish, unfounded jealousy. On the other hand, I do not want to be with someone is sneaks around and lies either.
Any advice/thoughts will be very appreciated. I have nowhere else to turn.