I am new to the forum and have joined trying to seek some advice in something I beleive is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and also I just need to tell someone as it is burning and cutting me up on the inside.
Quick back ground, I am 33 yo male in a relationship or 6 years with 37 yo female. Living with us we have partners two children from previous (aged 9 and 8) and our 2 year old son. We also have my 3 other children from previous relationship stay at different times as well.
Problem I have and I know this is something that I have created is that I cheated just before New Year, only once and I regretted it as soon as it happened. It's hurt me but not as much as it will hurt her. Since it happened we have only had sex once and that's because I have kept my distance. This is because I believe I may have picked something up from my episode of cheating. Some slight symptons, but enough that have made me go and get tested and I am waiting the results.
My dilema is that I am struggling with how I am going to tell my partner about the issue if I come back as testing positive with something (it was unprotected sex when I cheated so stupid!), I am even with the dilema in my head even if they are negative that I should tell her so that I can protect her totally (I know to protect her totally I should not have done what I have done and that has totally ripped me apart).
I we had not had sex since the episode it would be a case of I have learnt my lesson with the guilt I have felt since that I would never do anything like this again, it may sound cliche but it is totally true.
Over the last few weeks, she has been planning so much for the uture trying to work out how we are going to afford moving to a larger house as the little one gets bigger, and it has been breaking my heart listening knowing that she may decide very soon there may not be a future for us.
I know that this totally of my creating and that what ever happens I deserve the outcome, but I really do want us to try and put it behind us and to move forward and try and work the problem out, although I think from conversations that we have had the outcome will be instant in her head and it won't be a good one. I am preparing myself for that being the outcome although it is not what I want.
I am really struggling to work out how to tell her, I want to do it face to face and not hide behind technology, but want to do it in a way that I have a chance to try and salvage something from the relationship for us and for the children. I know I have been stupid I know it is the greatest of sins, and will be seen that way to her. I am distraught (my own fault I know) with anguish trying to work it all out, and know the time of saying something is getting closer and am unsure how I will do it...
Can anyone offer any advice at all, on how I can go about this...