Hi everyone. My story is detailed in my thread here: Another new user, another sorry tale
but I wanted some specific advice on Exposure.
The outline facts, in brief:-
- I have a WAW who dropped the D bombshell on me a couple of weeks ago.
- I think that she had an EA (and possibly a PA) in the months leading up to it. All the signs were there - unexplained absences, "I don;t have to tell you where I'm going", glued to phone but very secretive about it, joined a socialising group and went out with new friends a lot, used a messenger-type iPhone App that conveniently leaves no text records, set up a secret GMail account, etc.
- She unfriended me on Facebook and Skype
Now my gut feel tells me that she was having an EA and the evidence supports that. My gut feel also tells me that the EA ended in the week before she dropped the D bombshell on me (trying to keep this brief but will go into more detail if anyone thinks its relevant) - presumably she blames me for her dream going up in smoke.
Now a little bit of light snooping tells me that she was in contact with an attractive guy in his 40s during that time - she has his business card in her wallet and he is in her contacts for the chat App on her phone - one of only about 10 contacts and the only one with a photo. There is one unexplained overseas number (from my wife's home country) in the contacts but all the others are work colleagues, female or a "shoulder to cry on" male guy (but again, she has never mentioned him to me).
I have no access to her phone, her phone records or her secret email address - so very little means of gathering more evidence.
So this is what it comes down to. I'm pretty sure that there was an EA/PA but that it's over. I have a prime suspect but next to no hard evidence. I believe the guy is married (electoral details show a woman of similar age to him living at his home address as well as some kids), but I am not sure that I have the correct contact details for his W - I can only track her down on Facebook and I am not 100% sure I have the right woman (she is listed as being in the US where she may or may not have lived for some time a while ago). Of course, this couple may have split up and he may be a recently separated guy on the prowl.
What do I do? Getting this wrong - wrong guy, nothing actually happened despite appearances, flat barefaced denial that I can't counter with solid evidence - could be catastrophic for the WAW situation and my 180 attempt. Is it worth the risk given that the EA seems to be over? What if he has access to his W's facebook A/C and intercepts message? What if his "wife" is actually his sister and on his side?
I think I should just leave it, but I'm not sure that that's just me being a coward. What do others think? Should I do it - and if so, how?
Oh, one other thing that may be relevant. I have already sort of called her on the EA. I have already told her that when a W is having a relationship with a man that she is desperate for her H not to know about then something is very wrong. She didn't say anything - kind of accepted it.