Thank you for your reply. I go to the doctor tomorrow. If I would have gone a long time ago, things might have turned out differently, but that's part of what's making me lose my mind. But when the dark reality finally sunk in.... He's my only relationship ever. He knows that and he knows what place he occupies in my life...being my first and only. He left. I have untreated mental issues, but he's an alcoholic and I helped him get sober, then he started again with the person he's with now, but seems to have stabilized....doesn't matter. He knows exactly how badly I'm suffering because I wasn't strong enough not to let him see. He left. Actions speak louder than words. I chose not to hear....now I can't stop hearing. I only hope the doctor visit I'm finally going to isn't too late (I mean too late to fix my illness). Sickeningly enough he has to go with me because I'm such a basket case now that I can't even communicate with the front desk (language barrier made worse by my situation). So he has to go with me at least to the front desk. Then he wants to stay with me overnight and then I don't know what's going to happen (I mean if he's going to come back again, not what will happen between us, nothing will). But I know he's gone. And I'm not happy about it. And that's sick too.
Last edited by so lonely; 02-13-2013 at 03:59 AM.
Reason: to clarify