My wife wants to have an affair
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 02-13-2013, 04:56 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My wife wants to have an affair

Hello everyone,

I am living a painful situation at the moment. I have been with my girl for almost 4 years now. We lived the biggest passion / love there can ever be between two beings. She told me in the first days of our relationship that she had a problem of rapidly loosing interest in her partners but that with me things seemed different. I have to mention that are beginnings where chaotic, my ex was constantly harassing, my girl was with a guy... I made her suffer a lot, because I was kind of elsewhere in my mind at the time and she probably felt I was slipping through her fingers. About a year after, things started to change, her sexual interest for me was much lower. I guess it paralleled the moment where no more suffering came from me and that I found stability (with the ex etc..). Time has passed, we bought a house together, she is actually now pregnant. And 2 months ago, she told me she was speaking with her ex (the dude she dumped for me) and really wanted to see him etc...
I was unhappy of course, but eventually accepted. Now she is telling me that she would like to have an affair with him, that it is only sexual and that she loves me more than anything... she actually told me that I too should have an affair... and even tries to find me potential women... I have to say my heart bleeds, as much as I love her, I am a faithful guy, and really could have gave her my fidelity forever (a thing I never even thought of before knowing her...) I can't stand this situation. She has always been a very honest person and told me everything. Although lately she has been hiding stuff. I checked on her emails and found out they kissed... and that she is planning to go to his house... It really killed me, she is 6 months pregnant for christ's f**kin sake. She would cheat on me with my child in her womb. I never felt anything as painful believe me.. I don't know what to do... should I dump her ? what about the child... I was so sure she was THE one. My world is upside down.
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Old 02-13-2013, 05:07 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife wants to have an affair

LEAVE HER. There are plenty of woman that wouldn't do this to you.

DNA Test the Child. She cannot be trusted.
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Old 02-13-2013, 05:38 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife wants to have an affair

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LEAVE HER. There are plenty of woman that wouldn't do this to you.

DNA Test the Child. She cannot be trusted.
I'm sorry for what you are going through but I cannot agree more with jfv. She is not worth the pain that she will put you through for the rest of your life. She is either very immature or completely lacks character ... likely both. Seriously. She knows you will not agree to this so she will go behind your back and do it anyway. Be responsible. If the child is yours, be in your child's life ... but you need to take a hard look at what this woman will do to you. The woman you are partnered is not the woman you are in love with. It is a lie and she is revealing herself. Your future can be so much better without her.
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Old 02-13-2013, 05:44 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife wants to have an affair

Is this for real? Is SHE for real?

Dude, this ain't love bro. She is looney tunes. This is the grossest thing I've ever heard of.

There's a good chance the child is not yours, then. Hmm.. she is 6 months pregnant. And 2 months ago she said she started talking to her ex. .. 6 minus 2 equals 4. Women typically wait until the third or fourth month to start announcing because you've passed the big miscarriage stage. It could be they hooked up and she thinks it's his because she's counting back to conception date.

I'm really sorry you are in this position.

Consult a lawyer about divorce. If the child is yours, obviously you want to assist her up to and after the birth. It looks like you may have passed the point where you can do in utero paternity testing.

Please recall:
"She told me in the first days of our relationship that she had a problem of rapidly loosing interest in her partners but that with me things seemed different." RED FLAG. Especially since it was still the "first days".
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Old 02-13-2013, 05:44 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife wants to have an affair

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Hello everyone,

She told me in the first days of our relationship that she had a problem of rapidly loosing interest in her partners but that with me things seemed different.

She told you this at the beginning, and it turns out that it was not different with you. This is clearly a person with issues and not into commitment. Time to move on. And DNA the child as soon as that becomes possible after the birth.
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Old 02-13-2013, 05:51 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife wants to have an affair

I would have serious doubts about the child being yours, tbh. She came to you 2 months ago, saying she wanted to have an affair with her ex, and that she has been "talking to him"...Sorry, I think it's more likely she was already screwing him and the baby could very likely be his. I would give her ONE chance (and it sounds like you have done nothing about this so far, so that's why I say I'd give her a chance. If you HAVE done something, then that would be the end of it).... that one chance would consist of the following:

1. NC with the ex.
2. Baby is being DNA tested, regardless...and if the baby is not yours, she's gone.
3. You have access to all of her social media, cell phone, email, etc...anytime you want.
4. If it is EVER discovered that she DID have sex with ANYONE else, she's gone.

And regarding her sexual interest waning? Really, are you that blind??? Does it REALLY need to be spelled out to you???
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Old 02-13-2013, 05:52 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife wants to have an affair

Convince her to put the child up for adoption.
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Old 02-13-2013, 05:54 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife wants to have an affair

Since this isn't what you want I suggest you set down clear boundaries. Let her know either you get a monogamous relationship or their won't be a relationship.
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Old 02-13-2013, 05:54 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife wants to have an affair

DNA and forget about her!
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Old 02-13-2013, 06:35 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife wants to have an affair

Leave her.
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Old 02-13-2013, 06:36 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife wants to have an affair

I went through this. It hurt like hell, she had her affair and did come back to me. So it is possible. Obviously std tests are a wise move to protect both of you.

My wife had her affair, I now realise, as a result of Asperger's Syndrome. Is this a possibility with your wife?

My heart goes out to you. My wife and I are still together, 24 years in May.
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Old 02-13-2013, 06:40 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife wants to have an affair

Just to be clear... Your wife doesn't "want" to have an affair. She IS having an affair. Now the question is "what are YOU going to do about it?

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Old 02-13-2013, 06:43 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife wants to have an affair

She cheated with you and now she's cheating on you.

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life in a one-sided open marriage?

Let her go and move on. Also, DNA the baby and pray to god that it's not yours.
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Old 02-13-2013, 06:59 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife wants to have an affair

Run. Don't walk!
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Old 02-13-2013, 07:01 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife wants to have an affair

I really believe the child is mine. I have proof she has been talking to him since 14th of December 2012.
All of you seem to have the same point of view : leave her. I guess I will.
I have to conceed to her that she tried to be honest with me though because she had the guts to tell me about the whole thing. Even though she didn't go through all the details I discovered afterwards. I know I would have been to much of a coward to do so in her place.
But you guys are right, there is too much suffering, the only point that really kills me is the baby, I want to be part of his life 100% wtf humans are really messed up...
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