Why am I so paranoid??
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - Online Counseling - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Why am I so paranoid??

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

Like Tree3Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 02-13-2013, 07:14 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 133
Default Why am I so paranoid??

Why am I so paranoid when it comes to my man's exes??, he's had a few, but, I am only paranoid about one. I can't stand her, and when I see him talking to her, I get so stressed. I stopped talking to all of my exes, just because I know how paranoid it would make him, but I asked him to stop talking to her, and he refused to. I hate her so much, I have never hated anyone this much. He went up and stayed with her last year, he was meant to be staying in her spare room, but because the spare room already had someone in, he slept in her room, on 'her floor'. Why can't I believe that nothing happened??, all I keep thinking about is the fact that they're exes, so there was once a lot of feelings between them. And to be honest, because of my paranoia, I have it in my head that those feelings are still there, because of him refusing not to talk to her. Also, I am getting really paranoid that he will find someone else at work and leave me, :-(. Please can someone give me any advice.
xBaby-Louisex is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 02-13-2013, 07:39 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
barbados's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 713
Default Re: Why am I so paranoid??

Why did he stay with her last year ? What is your man doing spending time with an ex ? Why did you allow this ? And he stayed in her room, which means they most likely had sex.

He clearly does not respect you, and still has a thing for the ex. Time to say bye-bye to him.
barbados is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2013, 07:46 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 133
Default Re: Why am I so paranoid??

Quote:
Originally Posted by barbados View Post
Why did he stay with her last year ? What is your man doing spending time with an ex ? Why did you allow this ? And he stayed in her room, which means they most likely had sex.

He clearly does not respect you, and still has a thing for the ex. Time to say bye-bye to him.
He stayed there because he had to renew his passport, and he wanted to go out and take pictures with her (because they both have the interest of photography). All of the messages between them is in their own language (neither of them are English), but they both speak English and their own language. I don't see why their messages have to be in their language. It does my head in because I can't understand a word of it, I have been trying to learn his language, but it is difficult and I only know the basics. I wanted to go with him to stay at hers, so it would calm my mind, but they wouldn't allow me because it would be 'weird', and she lived with her mum, and I wouldn't be able to talk to her mum, because her mum doesn't speak a word of English. So I was stuck here, with so many paranoid thoughts, and so many paranoid dreams, they were so bad that I couldn't even sleep because I was scared to have more. I didn't find out that he slept in her room until months after he came back, and he confessed to me, but he's sworn to this day that nothing happened, but why can't I believe him??
xBaby-Louisex is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2013, 08:00 AM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
barbados's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 713
Default Re: Why am I so paranoid??

There is just a complete lack of boundaries here with your man. I would be paranoid too if I was you. He didn't tell you for months after the fact about sleeping in her room ?

Have you asked yourself why you want to stay with a person who seems to show you so little respect ?
barbados is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2013, 08:17 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 133
Default Re: Why am I so paranoid??

Quote:
Originally Posted by barbados View Post
There is just a complete lack of boundaries here with your man. I would be paranoid too if I was you. He didn't tell you for months after the fact about sleeping in her room ?

Have you asked yourself why you want to stay with a person who seems to show you so little respect ?
Yeah, months after, he told me. And I want to stay with him, because I love him so much.
xBaby-Louisex is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2013, 09:01 AM   #6 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 10,120
Default Re: Why am I so paranoid??

Wow. He blatantly chose her over you when he informed you that you being there would make it awkward.

Rule 1 in marriage, your SO is invited and welcome any place you go, or you don't go.

Hell yes it would be awkward having your wife along while you stayed with your gf.

They cheated together. The pictures thing is such a bald faced lie. I mean really?

Do you want to be with him knowing he was with another woman?
Shaggy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2013, 09:01 AM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Pit-of-my-stomach's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Hi! my name is ~Pit~.
Posts: 1,907
Default Re: Why am I so paranoid??

Quote:
Originally Posted by xBaby-Louisex View Post
All of the messages between them is in their own language (neither of them are English), but they both speak English and their own language. I don't see why their messages have to be in their language.
If they are text or e-mail messages, google will translate them all. If they are spoken and you have them, there are all kinds of translating apps out there.
__________________
Don't say never
Pit-of-my-stomach is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2013, 09:08 AM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 133
Default Re: Why am I so paranoid??

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shaggy View Post
Wow. He blatantly chose her over you when he informed you that you being there would make it awkward.

Rule 1 in marriage, your SO is invited and welcome any place you go, or you don't go.

Hell yes it would be awkward having your wife along while you stayed with your gf.

They cheated together. The pictures thing is such a bald faced lie. I mean really?

Do you want to be with him knowing he was with another woman?
He is a very good photographer, and I know it is one of his biggest hobbies. I love him, and he hasn't admitted anything happening, he keeps denying it, so until he admits it, I can't really do much.
xBaby-Louisex is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2013, 09:10 AM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 133
Default Re: Why am I so paranoid??

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pit-of-my-stomach View Post
If they are text or e-mail messages, google will translate them all. If they are spoken and you have them, there are all kinds of translating apps out there.
Yeah, I have tried translating some messages in the past, but some don't translate properly, but I remember reading one from him to her saying that I'm too paranoid, and that I am too soppy toward him, which he hates. He's the type of man that never shows love, and can't stand it when it's shown to him too much.
xBaby-Louisex is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2013, 09:13 AM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: US
Posts: 596
Default Re: Why am I so paranoid??

Quote:
Originally Posted by xBaby-Louisex View Post
Yeah, months after, he told me. And I want to stay with him, because I love him so much.
Do you love him more than you love yourself? I don't think that relationship has a happy ending.

He told you months later that he stayed with her? You know that's not right. He refuses to have no contact with her? You are right to worry. They speak in their language, knowing you can't understand? Any normal person would be paranoid. He is choosing her over you.

Consider very carefully if staying with this man is worth losing your self esteem, your self respect, and being subjected to emotional abuse. You may love him, but at what cost?
Aunt Ava is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2013, 09:15 AM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 133
Default Re: Why am I so paranoid??

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aunt Ava View Post
Do you love him more than you love yourself? I don't think that relationship has a happy ending.

He told you months later that he stayed with her? You know that's not right. He refuses to have no contact with her? You are right to worry. They speak in their language, knowing you can't understand? Any normal person would be paranoid. He is choosing her over you.

Consider very carefully if staying with this man is worth losing your self esteem, your self respect, and being subjected to emotional abuse. You may love him, but at what cost?
I do love him more than myself. I have never really had self esteem or self respect anyway. I love him more than anything. I can't lose him. To be honest, I don't think he's spoken to her for a while, at least a month or so.
xBaby-Louisex is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2013, 09:18 AM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: US
Posts: 596
Default Re: Why am I so paranoid??

Quote:
Originally Posted by xBaby-Louisex View Post
Yeah, I have tried translating some messages in the past, but some don't translate properly, but I remember reading one from him to her saying that I'm too paranoid, and that I am too soppy toward him, which he hates. He's the type of man that never shows love, and can't stand it when it's shown to him too much.
So he is sharing details about you and your relationship with her? No, you're not paranoid. Your intuition is screaming at you, self preservation is kicking in. He is complaining about you to an ex, that's a pretty big red flag waving right in your face.
Aunt Ava is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2013, 09:19 AM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 133
Default Re: Why am I so paranoid??

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aunt Ava View Post
So he is sharing details about you and your relationship with her? No, you're not paranoid. Your intuition is screaming at you, self preservation is kicking in. He is complaining about you to an ex, that's a pretty big red flag waving right in your face.
I don't even know what to do, :-(.
xBaby-Louisex is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2013, 09:24 AM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: US
Posts: 596
Default Re: Why am I so paranoid??

Quote:
Originally Posted by xBaby-Louisex View Post
I do love him more than myself. I have never really had self esteem or self respect anyway. I love him more than anything. I can't lose him. To be honest, I don't think he's spoken to her for a while, at least a month or so.
You must realize this is not a healthy relationship. You can't really love someone until you learn to love yourself.

You have chosen a man that will treat you the way you 'think' you deserve to be treated because you have low self esteem.

You need to work on yourself, read self help books, gain some confidence. You deserve to be loved and cherished. You deserve a man that will respect and honor you. You deserve a man that will put you ahead of his past girlfriends.

The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Stop the insanity.
Aunt Ava is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2013, 09:29 AM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: US
Posts: 596
Default Re: Why am I so paranoid??

Quote:
Originally Posted by xBaby-Louisex View Post
I don't even know what to do, :-(.
Yes, I think you do. You know this is a bad situation, that's why you sought out an internet forum. You know your instincts are dead on.
You need support from friends and family. Ask them what do they think about the relationship?
Stand up for yourself. Learn about healthy boundaries. Respect yourself.
Aunt Ava is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Am I just being paranoid? jeefer76 Coping with Infidelity 21 06-28-2012 12:40 PM
Am I Paranoid? Ingalls Coping with Infidelity 12 04-12-2012 11:10 PM
Am I Paranoid? ecomommaof4 The Ladies' Lounge 21 08-02-2011 05:40 AM
Am I paranoid? sorry4everything General Relationship Discussion 17 12-27-2010 01:02 AM
Am I just paranoid ??? brizz20 General Relationship Discussion 6 12-09-2009 10:19 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads





Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:30 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage