I Cheated on my husband and now he's going crazy!
My H & I have been together for 4 years & married 1 year. We have 2 kids together & had them very young. Im not going to disclose my age because I dont want anyone giving me anwsers based on it. We have been through so much in our relationship & Things were going well for awhile. Well after I had our second child I began to feel lonely & depressed. We ended up getting married 3 months after he was born. (which now I think was a mistake) We married eachother for all the wrong reasons. Dont get me wrong we do love eachother but, I think it was just to soon to get married. anyways about 6 months after we got married I started talking to someone.. I didn't cheat on him them but, he ended up finding out and was going to leave me. Well he decided to give me another chance. I stoped talking to the other guy & we were getting a little better. But, I still felt like something was missing like my marriage just wasnt enough. We started arguing all the time & at one point he abused me. I wanted to leave him & tried but, I just couldnt be without him. Well, about 2 months ago I met a guy online who lives in the same city as I. We started texting alot & talking on the phone alot. & about 3 weeks later we met up while my husband was at work. I ended up sleeping with him & then he later told me he was engaged. So we stopped talking. Well my husband had suspitions that something was going on & one night while I was at work i accidently left my email account open on our computer & left my cell phone at home because it was dead. Well he read some of the emails and then charged my phone and got on it. I had deleted most of the messages except the ones from that night. Needless to say he knew what was going on. He called me at work and asked for the truth so I told him. He ruined alot of the stuff at our house and took almost everything by the time I got off the next morning. After almost a week we lost the house & I was moving out. He was still coming over and talking to me. We ended up getting back together & we are trying to work everything out. The only problem is now of course he doesnt trust me (which I agree he has reason not to) and he has been really depressed. He has bipolar and really bad depression. There are days that he will say everything is going to be fine & that he loves me soo much & then the next day he will ask if i think we should be together (which my anwser is always yes) He is constantly asking if im happy (at first probably about 15 times a day, now around 5) with him & if I love him. I have realized what Ive done is horrible & that I made a HUGE mistake & I want to be with him but, I don't want him to think about it for the rest fo his life. There are days when he says he would just rather kill himself then go through everything. It hurts me that I've hurt him soo badly! I just don't know what to do?. Is this marriage really gonna work?..
Im affraid he is just gonna come home one day and tell me its over and he cant take it anymore. We want to go to marriage counsiling but don't have the money right now to do it. PLEASE HELP! What should I do?!?!