I Cheated on my husband and now he's going crazy!
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » I Cheated on my husband and now he's going crazy!

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 07-23-2009, 05:40 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default I Cheated on my husband and now he's going crazy!


My H & I have been together for 4 years & married 1 year. We have 2 kids together & had them very young. Im not going to disclose my age because I dont want anyone giving me anwsers based on it. We have been through so much in our relationship & Things were going well for awhile. Well after I had our second child I began to feel lonely & depressed. We ended up getting married 3 months after he was born. (which now I think was a mistake) We married eachother for all the wrong reasons. Dont get me wrong we do love eachother but, I think it was just to soon to get married. anyways about 6 months after we got married I started talking to someone.. I didn't cheat on him them but, he ended up finding out and was going to leave me. Well he decided to give me another chance. I stoped talking to the other guy & we were getting a little better. But, I still felt like something was missing like my marriage just wasnt enough. We started arguing all the time & at one point he abused me. I wanted to leave him & tried but, I just couldnt be without him. Well, about 2 months ago I met a guy online who lives in the same city as I. We started texting alot & talking on the phone alot. & about 3 weeks later we met up while my husband was at work. I ended up sleeping with him & then he later told me he was engaged. So we stopped talking. Well my husband had suspitions that something was going on & one night while I was at work i accidently left my email account open on our computer & left my cell phone at home because it was dead. Well he read some of the emails and then charged my phone and got on it. I had deleted most of the messages except the ones from that night. Needless to say he knew what was going on. He called me at work and asked for the truth so I told him. He ruined alot of the stuff at our house and took almost everything by the time I got off the next morning. After almost a week we lost the house & I was moving out. He was still coming over and talking to me. We ended up getting back together & we are trying to work everything out. The only problem is now of course he doesnt trust me (which I agree he has reason not to) and he has been really depressed. He has bipolar and really bad depression. There are days that he will say everything is going to be fine & that he loves me soo much & then the next day he will ask if i think we should be together (which my anwser is always yes) He is constantly asking if im happy (at first probably about 15 times a day, now around 5) with him & if I love him. I have realized what Ive done is horrible & that I made a HUGE mistake & I want to be with him but, I don't want him to think about it for the rest fo his life. There are days when he says he would just rather kill himself then go through everything. It hurts me that I've hurt him soo badly! I just don't know what to do?. Is this marriage really gonna work?..
Im affraid he is just gonna come home one day and tell me its over and he cant take it anymore. We want to go to marriage counsiling but don't have the money right now to do it. PLEASE HELP! What should I do?!?!
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Old 07-23-2009, 06:39 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Cheated on my husband and now he's going crazy!

He physically abused you and you emotionally abused him. By the sounds of it, the 2 of you were not meant to be together. It is tough for me to look past the fact that he hit you. But from the cheating point of view, you can't imagine the pain you feel inside when someone you thought you would live your life for betrays you. He has all rights to question your relationship, you cheated!
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Old 07-23-2009, 06:40 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Cheated on my husband and now he's going crazy!

Thank you for your opinion!
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Old 07-23-2009, 06:55 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Cheated on my husband and now he's going crazy!

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Originally Posted by kay009 View Post
My H & I have been together for 4 years & married 1 year. We have 2 kids together & had them very young. Im not going to disclose my age because I dont want anyone giving me anwsers based on it. We have been through so much in our relationship & Things were going well for awhile. Well after I had our second child I began to feel lonely & depressed. We ended up getting married 3 months after he was born. (which now I think was a mistake) We married eachother for all the wrong reasons. Dont get me wrong we do love eachother but, I think it was just to soon to get married. anyways about 6 months after we got married I started talking to someone.. I didn't cheat on him them but, he ended up finding out and was going to leave me. Well he decided to give me another chance. I stoped talking to the other guy & we were getting a little better. But, I still felt like something was missing like my marriage just wasnt enough. We started arguing all the time & at one point he abused me. I wanted to leave him & tried but, I just couldnt be without him. Well, about 2 months ago I met a guy online who lives in the same city as I. We started texting alot & talking on the phone alot. & about 3 weeks later we met up while my husband was at work. I ended up sleeping with him & then he later told me he was engaged. So we stopped talking. Well my husband had suspitions that something was going on & one night while I was at work i accidently left my email account open on our computer & left my cell phone at home because it was dead. Well he read some of the emails and then charged my phone and got on it. I had deleted most of the messages except the ones from that night. Needless to say he knew what was going on. He called me at work and asked for the truth so I told him. He ruined alot of the stuff at our house and took almost everything by the time I got off the next morning. After almost a week we lost the house & I was moving out. He was still coming over and talking to me. We ended up getting back together & we are trying to work everything out. The only problem is now of course he doesnt trust me (which I agree he has reason not to) and he has been really depressed. He has bipolar and really bad depression. There are days that he will say everything is going to be fine & that he loves me soo much & then the next day he will ask if i think we should be together (which my anwser is always yes) He is constantly asking if im happy (at first probably about 15 times a day, now around 5) with him & if I love him. I have realized what Ive done is horrible & that I made a HUGE mistake & I want to be with him but, I don't want him to think about it for the rest fo his life. There are days when he says he would just rather kill himself then go through everything. It hurts me that I've hurt him soo badly! I just don't know what to do?. Is this marriage really gonna work?..
Im affraid he is just gonna come home one day and tell me its over and he cant take it anymore. We want to go to marriage counsiling but don't have the money right now to do it. PLEASE HELP! What should I do?!?!
I feel real bad for your husband. You had what is called post partum depression. Most women have some amount of it after a baby. First the woman/girl your husband married is not the person he is married to today. He is now married to a serial cheater. It doesn't matter if you had sex with the first man or not. You had an emotional affair. Now he is left with someone he doesn't know. Someone he has ZERO trust in, and rightfully so. Now the question is. "Do I want to hang around and hopefully fall in love with this woman who is the mother of my children?" That is basically what is happening inside his head. The other question is for you. Do you have what it takes to change your life around, and are you willing to do the hard work to restore your marriage? This is tough road. And based upon your story and how many "I's" There is in it, I'm not optimistic. And if you're thinking of just moving on, It won't matter. Any guy who dates you will be dating a serial cheater. And any guy that marries you will be be married to a serial cheater. In other words its not about how depressed your husband is. Or if he is bi-polar. Those are things that will make healing more difficult for him. What the real issue is, is YOU. How do YOU turn it around. And do you have the guts to try and restore your husbands trust in you. It could take years. Are you ready for that battle? Don't think of moving on to another guy until YOU fix YOU. You would be wasting your time and just leave more emotional carnage. You didn't give your age because you didn't want that to be the issue. Don't worry. I would have said the same thing if you were 18 or 80. Good luck.
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Old 07-23-2009, 09:47 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Cheated on my husband and now he's going crazy!

Its been a year since I discovered my husband cheated on me. I have never had problems with depression until about the time he was cheating on me. I thought there was something wrong with me but I was seeing all the signs and ignoring them. I go through ups and downs and I am now really battling depression. Add to that financial difficulties (which it sounds like you too are experiencing) and some days the pressure is too much. There are days I am so angry with him that I think I may even hate him. There are also days I feel so alone, that the only person I could rely on was not someone I could rely on at all. But we've had some really good times too and I believe he is really committed to trying to make this work. I know he is extremely worried about my moods and trying to help me.

Having said that, we got married for all the right reasons. Love. We've been together a lot longer. Your opening said you got married for all the wrong reasons so you have to start with that. Why did you say that and how can a marriage work if you got married for the wrong reasons? It makes me think you should cut your losses and amicably split.

If you two truly love each other you need to support him through this. Perhaps you can go to a church for counseling. If you can't you do need to have open communication with him and you have to understand it will take him a lot of time to recover trust if you aren't completely open and honest you will lose whatever trust you build.

You need to ask yourself why you cheated on him. It wasn't fair to him and you need to fix whatever was broken to begin with. I wish you luck.
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Old 07-24-2009, 10:57 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Cheated on my husband and now he's going crazy!

I agree. You HAVE to look inside you and figure out what caused you to act this way. What triggers your desire to escape your marriage and seek happiness with someone else? It bother me that the ONLY reason you gave for breaking off the affair with the second guy is the fact that HE ended it because he told you he was engaged. If HE had been willing to continue on, it sounds like you would have been willing to also.
Fix yourself. Your H's bipolar and depression will make it a LOT harder for him to get over this, and unless you get your head straight, you are going to keep doing emotional harm to him.
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