Children pay the ultimate price for an affair

tkdan · 07-27-2009, 09:41 AM

It has become apparent that my thirteen year old daughter has had to fill the role of spy for her mother. Several times so far when I've shared with her personal information about myself, it has come back to me through some one associated with her mom. To make thing worse I had just had a talk with my daughter about how it is none of mom's business what I do. That if she wants to know she can ask me and I will decide if it is any of her business or not. I told her she should never lie to her mother but if her mom starts pressing her for information she should tell her to ask me. I do well with everything that has happened as long as the kids are not used like this. I have never and will never ask either of my kids for information about their mom's personal life. I cannot believe that she would do this to a child. It is so frustrating to try and do everything I can to make this as easy on the kids as possible only to have their mom put them in the middle like this. Of coarse when confronted about it she claims that she does not know nothing about it and does not know where people get their information from, that she would never do anything like that. I guess I just needed to vent. Good thing I will see my counsulor today.

stillINshock · 07-27-2009, 03:13 PM

All is fair in love and war. If you cheated, you deserve the pain. And if you cheated, the pain your kids are experiencing is YOUR gift to them, not hers. --- By they way, just read one of your earlier posts. Who had the affair, you or her? If it was her then you can relieve yourself of the ownership of your kids' pain. But either way, there will be pain. It is a reality - a life lesson - a life path. Only hope it can make them stronger. My kids have seen their share of the our struggle and all I can say is that I hope they enter relationships with eyes wide open.

jane. · 07-27-2009, 05:27 PM

Regardless of which parent is responsible for the dissolution of a marriage, the children should not be used as pawns or spies. Yes, the pain the kids feel is inevitable when divorce/separation takes place. However, there is no need to compound it by forcing the kids to take sides or to feel pressured into giving details about the other parent.

TKDan, I'm sorry that your daughter's mom is putting her in this position.

tkdan · 07-28-2009, 07:40 AM

stillinshock, she cheated!

Quote:

However, there is no need to compound it by forcing the kids to take sides or to feel pressured into giving details about the other parent.

I agree 100%. Why is it the one that cheats will try to turn the tables on the other one. I get so sick of her not being willing to accept any responsibility for her actions. And stopping at nothing including causing emotional harm to her own child to try and make me look bad. Children should never be put in the middle of adult situations.

foolz1 · 09-13-2009, 07:03 PM

When I divorced my first husband due to his multiple affairs, he had little to do with our son after the divorce. It was like when we divorced it also included our son, and that hurts like hell to see a father basically divorcing his seven year old son in the process.

My son is now thirty-three and his dad recently died. Their relationship had been so estranged that he didn't attend the funeral. He said that he felt he hadn't had a dad since he was seven years old.

The way he treated my son after our divorce was nothing less than reprehensible. My heart hurt for my son for twenty-six years. What a loser his dad was.

Not only that, he refused to pay child support for ten years.

mea_3 · 09-13-2009, 07:08 PM

That children do pay the price when it comes to affairs. That is if they are put in the middle or simply know what going on. Simple way to avoid this.. Don't cheat!

foolz1 · 09-13-2009, 07:40 PM

Mea, I agree completely. How very sad that is.