Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.

When you find out the 'details' of the PA....

96K views 265 replies 76 participants last post by  nuclearnightmare 
#1 ·
....does it ever make sense, or serve a purpose, to never want to replicate, duplicate, perform, act out ...etc ...in any manner, way, form that to other POS did with your wife, partner, etc?

...after 17 years, the anger about my wife's (supposed) one nighter with someone else finally boiled over. Before you look twice...yes, I said 17 years. We have been together ever since that "indiscretion" ...and I took a path to reconciliation. But, she never was 'made' to disclose details about what led her to sleep with someone else, or the 'dirty deed" itself. She, to this day, claims that she'd have a hard time telling me his name ...although I am sure that she withheld this info for fear that I'd hunt him down and kill him....or something really painful.

...this all has been brought to the front burner by:

1: My lack of trust in her (she played the trust card in our marriage ...and it's been in the discard pile ever since.)

2: She's planned a 5 night getaway in Fla with 5 of her HS girlfriends ...which ...brings to a boil issue #1.

My anger lately has been so off the charts that it's prompted her to give me an ultimatum regarding ...getting some professional help ...and, getting on some form of medication(s) to help me deal with the anger that's been festering for so long. The ultimatum was basically, get help ...stop ...fix this ...or I'm leaving to get an apartment ...taking daughter(s) .[one is 17, the other 23].

....let's start with this ...I want to be head over heals in love with her. It physically hurts to deal with the emotion associated with the thought of another guy touching her. I'm probably shortening my lifespan for enduring this level of hurt and the affiliated hostility. It's probably not a good thing either that in lieu of having "real meds" ...I prefer to have a few shots of bourbon every so often to numb the pain.

...we had a LONG talk about this today ...because she wouldn't get out of my face until we did. And as such, I got more and more angry with her that ...for lack of a better way of saying it ....she just wouldn't let me be angry because if was affecting her.

....I spilled my guts again ...and I demanded answers. I wanted to know what this other guys name was, where he lived, etc. Her answer, "does it really matter 17 years later"? I did the whole explanation to her about what SHOULD have happened back then on D-Day ...including disclosure, details, names, addresses, phone numbers, no contact statements...etc. (too bad TAM didn't exist then). She remained clueless ...thinking ."it's over...let's move on".

...I told her ..."you and I were the only people that each of us had ever slept with ...and you told me that you you had to love someone in order to sleep with them"...." what could someone possibly say to you to make you sleep with them after just meeting them"? She told me that he said, "I want you". That's it....3 simple words. 3 words that if I ever had the inclination to WANT to say to my wife at an opportune moment ...will NEVER EVER say to her.

....so the question I have for those that have stayed with a wayward spouse, "are you afraid to say or do anything that will remind you partner of the other man/woman".

...I was told by my wife today ...that because I wanted the 'details"...that "you are sick and need serious help". Well ...from what I've read regarding the topic ...I guess I'm not alone in my state of sickness.
 
See less See more
#56 ·
Hurtin_Still. Re read you post. My apologies.

Hurtin_Still, take the read pill. Demand the truth, dea lwith it, get sipport... or get out. But stop hurting. Enough is enough.
....no need to apologize. There's a huge amount of emotions in here ....and stuff gets said ...for better or worse (but, at least it gets said)

...there's also a huge number of supportive persons with similar life occurrences that lend an open ear when persons like myself just need to vent, spill my guts, or let the raw nerves out to breath a bit.


...I'm working towards putting the pain to rest. My wife has been seeing a therapist for about a year ...and I have been told that she has discussed her ONS with her. She's also been letting the therapist know how angry I've become. I have been told that I too can attend the therapy session with my wife next week to get my side of the mess on the table ...and although reluctantly ...I have agreed to go. I don't know how it will go, what will transpire, what I will say? My wife has had a year to 'establish' her side of the story ...so I don't know if it's a good idea to be there or not ...fearing a 'gang-up' session on me. (that's why I will drive there myself ...and if I feel like I'm being attacked ...the therapist gets the double-barrel one finger salute and I walk out) I had one incompetent MC tell me (us) what to do ...it won't happen again.
 
#57 ·
Hurtin

Your wife is very selfish.

I am glad she is in therapy because she needs it as much as you do.

Stop feeling ashamed. You love her all these years even though she broke your heart.

And so what if your Dis not biologically yours, you raised her and love her.

I would still want to know if she was bio,logically mine but it would not change the way I felt about her.

But you know what, I think your wife is ashamed. I think deep down she knows how badly she hurt you and is too much a coward to deal with it.

I also think she knows who the father is and it killed something inside.

No matter what you have to heal. 17 years is too long to carry this baggage around in your life.

Good Luck

HM64
 
#60 ·
Hurtin

Your wife is very selfish.

I am glad she is in therapy because she needs it as much as you do.

Stop feeling ashamed. You love her all these years even though she broke your heart.

And so what if your Dis not biologically yours, you raised her and love her.

I would still want to know if she was bio,logically mine but it would not change the way I felt about her.

But you know what, I think your wife is ashamed. I think deep down she knows how badly she hurt you and is too much a coward to deal with it.

I also think she knows who the father is and it killed something inside.

No matter what you have to heal. 17 years is too long to carry this baggage around in your life.

Good Luck

HM64
.....I definitely want to shake off the feeling of shame. I may be 'old fashioned' in values ...(and what those values are worth in today's society ...I don't know) ....but I sort of want to feel proud ...at least for me ...that I've been a faithful husband.
 
#67 ·
Hurtin still,

This is Granny7. Did you get a chance to read my long post that I put on here for you? It was in regards to my 25 yrs of not knowing the details either or somethings similar. I was trying to share with you how similar our stories are in hopes of helping you relate to what I've been through also and am still going through it. I hope you did take time to read it, along with another message or two that I sent you.

I'm in a very difficult place myself right now. I've just spiraled down lately and did just start on Zoloft about 6 days ago and I've been trying not to take it for a year. I think I waited to long, so I'll be glad when it sets in.

What your going through is so similar to mine as my H doesn't want to talk about it and says he can't remember anything. I still don't know if they even had sex yet. It has totally destroyed my life and the not knowing, just like you is so hard to deal with.

I do hope when you go to your session that if you don't like what she or he is saying, the therapist that is, that you don't storm out. Stay there and stand your ground and speak up for yourself. It all needs to be heard, don't let your anger take over as it won't do you any good and might make your wife feel like she's won again. Just think about it, please? I went through 5 yrs. of therapy, H came but wasn't really there, just his body. He could have learned so much and I think our life could have been so much better these past 25 yrs.

My cheating H also barely told me that he was sorry. He didn't beg for my forgiveness or go over board in telling me all that he was going to do to make up for it. So, your wife hasn't done enough if that's all that she did. My H wasn't remorseful hardly at all, he was to busy lying, being defensive and pretending that everything was normal. We even went out for our Anniversary 10 days after I found out, really stupid. I think I had one drink, started getting sick to my stomach and told him I didn't want to stay. It was so stupid to go and let him hold my hand at the table like everything was okay. It's amazing all the things we do to keep things normal, isn't it.

Now like you, I can blow up very easily, but he's worse with it. I don't yell and scream, mine is more controlled but he says so many hurtful things when he is cornered and doesn't like me asking questions. To me, that shows guilt.

Anyway, good luck tomorrow, I pray that it goes well for you.

Granny7
 
#70 ·
....yes Granny7...I did read your post and, it was quite informative and helpful. And, although I'm not 'pleased' to see that someone else shares the same experience as I do, it's somewhat comforting to know I shouldn't feel like a 'freak' or 'loser' because I'm not the only one that's been devastated like this and in such a similar manner.
 
#68 ·
Hurting

It's pretty obvious what likely really went on back then.

1. Your wife was having an affair. That why the two of you we're arguing so much then. She was in the fog and was distancing herself from you.

2. She was having regular full on sex with the guy. It's likely someone you know.

3. She pushed for the trial separation to really give being full on with a real trial.

4. She got knocked up by him.

5. She discovered he dumped her like a hot potato because of her being pregnant.

6. She ran back to you as plan B, very scared about having the kid alone.

7. You raised the other mans kid.

8. She won't tell you the truth because she , fears for the OM, she fears for the daughter, and she fears you will dump her and expose what she chose to do.

The whole I Chose You means she chose to use you to avoid raising the love chilled alone.

My advice is to DNA test your daughter and throw the results in front of your wife. Tell her she tells you the actual truth about who, and the full extent of the affair OR you will expose her.

It's 17 years past when you should have begun playing hardball with her.
 
#71 ·
Hurtin Still,

Hurtin Still,
I'm sorry you are on here and need to read my post, it's an awful place to be in your life. I'm glad that you did read it, as I know it's long. I just couldn't tell if you had or not and I thought I could help you. I'm still not getting answer's yet, not enough to make any sense to me. I think that's the hardest part of all this. Your involved in the story, but you don't know what's in the pages and may never get to read the whole book.

You've been given a lot of great advice on here, I hope you are taking some of it. The paternity part was really a surprise to me, it never entered my mind, but it could be so true.

This might help you make a choice in wether to do this or not. My daughter got pregnant by her husband at Christmas and she supposedly planned it, as I remember my ex-son-in-law telling me that she really wanted to try and have a baby. She did get pregnant, but left him in the middle of the night when she was 3 months pregnant. Now, she had only been married 11 months when she got pregnant. She was in Ohio in the snow, drove off in the middle of the night to meet her ex-boyfriend that she had stayed in touch with who lived states away. He called me, frantic and didn't know what to do. We didn't know if she had been seeing her ex-boyfriend that we had kept her from when she was 17, as we didn't approve of him.

To go back a little bit. She started seeing this young man at 14, she was a honor student, he skipped school, etc. In hindsight for all of you out there with children, if you don't like who you child is let them into your home and get to know them. When you forbid something, it's much more enticing to them. Anyway, our daughter moved out at 18 due to the affair that my H had, the stress in the home was to bad for her, she wanted me to divorce her Dad as she had been going through it for 2 yrs. She moved in with another young man that we liked and he really loved her, we thought she loved him and a couple years later got married. From what I understand she still stayed in contact, not sure when this happened, by phone. We didn't know if they had seen each other when she left her then husband, pregnant with who we thought was his baby. She got back to our town, we were very upset over the situation, period. We had given her a big wedding and it lasted 11 months. It was so unfair to her husband who loved her so much and moved in with her boyfriend that she had met at 14.

I can't remember when we decided that a paternity test needed to be done to be sure that the guy she married originally was the Father? We did the test and it was determined that her husband was the Father, but it was a difficult time for everyone. The boyfriend was in there with her when she gave birth to our first granddaughter. I thought she would want her Mom, but no, it was her boyfriend who she lived with, while her Husband was still back in Ohio and couldn't get here in time.

She and her boyfriend eventually married in a year and he raised the little girl as his own and turned out to be a nice young man. Her real Father has tried to stay in her life through all these years, she's now almost 21. He's always paid child support, except when he didn't have a job. But she never formed the bond with her real Father as she did with the Dad that raised her and she has told us that her adopted Dad will walk her down the aisle. He lived states away in his hometown with his family, so it wasn't convenient to move to a strange city just to be around his daughter who was being raised by another man.

I feel so sad for her real Father as he was used by our daughter and I never thought it was fair what she did. He never got re-married, as she was the love of his life. He's been engaged, but I think my daughter ruined his life.

I also think this would have never happened if my husband had not been having an affair when she was 14. He was neglecting her and she had been the apple of his eye, so she turned to the first young man that showed any interest in her. Didn't go to college and finally did get her degree at 40, so she's had a hard life, but a lot of it was by her choice. Yet, she changed drastically after she found out about the affair and how it affected our life.

So, I know this is long, but it tells you how an affair can affect who the Father is and also how it can affect the children that live at home during it and afterwards. It affects them for the rest of their life, as it changes the course of what their life can be.

So, I agree with everyone on here. Get the paternity test, put your mind at ease. If she isn't yours it won't matter. You will love her the same, as my now son-in-law does. Your marriage is a mess anyway, will she be angry if you find out that she isn't your child in blood, at this point why care what she thinks? You need peace of mind and is it fair to your daughter not to know the biological Father really is? She will love you as her Father anyway.

The other reason it's important as my H is adopted and doesn't know who his parents are. For health reason's I wish we knew who his real parents were in case any issues's came up that the information would help him act accordingly.

So, you have a couple reason's to know if you are her Father and I pray that you are, but if not, she will always look at you at the Father that raised her and the heck with what your wife feels about it. You deserve to know and it sure looks like she hasn't been honest with you about anything. Just think about it.

Granny7
 
#72 · (Edited)
DNA test dude. Sorry. but going to counselors, working on a marriage, trying to reconcile and doing heavy lifting require trust. I wouldn't go to the marriage counselor until after the paternity came back.

Why?

It was part of your wife's ultimatum and doing it now shows she put you back in your place. You need to go there with your eyes FULLY open on equal levels.
My anger lately has been so off the charts that it's prompted her to give me an ultimatum regarding ...getting some professional help ...and, getting on some form of medication(s) to help me deal with the anger that's been festering for so long. The ultimatum was basically, get help ...stop ...fix this ...or I'm leaving to get an apartment ...taking daughter(s) .[one is 17, the other 23].
She wants your understandable anger and hurt to be medicated? She hurt you and you are crazy because the wall you put up came down because she is going on a GNO, out of state, for 5 days?

Tell me that sounds as ridiculous to you as it does me.
Also, if you do go, since you already had a bad experience, make sure your MC is marriage friendly and not going to take sides.
 
#73 ·
DNA test dude. Sorry. but going to counselors, working on a marriage, trying to reconcile and doing heavy lifting require trust. I wouldn't go to the marriage counselor until after the paternity came back.

Why?

It was part of your wife's ultimatum and doing it now shows she put you back in your place. You need to go there with your eyes FULLY open on equal levels.She wants your understandable anger and hurt to be medicated? She hurt you and you are crazy because the wall you put up came down because she is going on a GNO, out of state, for 5 days?

Tell me that sounds as ridiculous to you as it does me.
Also, if you do go, since you already had a bad experience, make sure your MC is marriage friendly and not going to take sides.

...well the medication isn't really a bad idea. I have depression / anxiety disorder, so I should have stayed on the Prozac. But, I 'felt better' and then stopped taking it. It probably would allow me to think a bit clearer and deal with all life's stresses ...including all this crap too.

....and related to the MC .....if she's already "on my wife's side" ....I'm outta there like a bolt of lightening. THAT is what got us here ...the first MC didn't see what she did as "life changing'.

...it's going to be eye opening to see what this new MC will say. My wife will not admit that she "cheated" ....she will admit that she "slept with someone". I think it's just revisionist history. If she slept with him a week before we had our 1 week "trial separation" ...or during that 1 week ...we were still married ...and in my book it's infidelity / cheating. (unless anyone can convince me that I'm wrong ....please speak up if I'm out of bounds with my thought process). She simply won't call it that. So, like I said ...if this MC tries to make me see stuff in "another light" ...she'll need to be jack-rabbit fast ...'cause she'll have to kiss my a$$ as I'm running out the door.
 
#77 ·
...I clearly see your position ...and it's not one without 'value'. But, if I found my kid (well ...one of them at least) to not be "mine"....are you advocating that I tell them so ...at the age of 17? (I'm dead serious ...please bear with me ...the ch!t is 17+ years old ...but I'm only now beginning to deal with it). My wife has no idea where the OM is now .....and that ...I believe ...because she's a "home-body" now and I too am home all the time. So...she's not sneaking around on me.

...and let me state this for the record ....I love my wife ...dearly ...really I do. And that's why I'm here ....because if I can get past the pain ...I can enjoy the next 30+ years with her (and THEN...I push her to the curb...because really ...who wants to be married to an 80 yr old wife) All I wanted her to do is "own" (I HATE that frikkin' word!! used by therapists much too much!!) her actions. I want her to admit ...own ...take responsibility for ...that she CHEATED ...was unfaithful ...strayed ....etc. I think I could move past a lot of the pain ...if she too had some idea of the pain her actions caused ...not because she was "found out" ...but because she is truly sorry for the action.
 
#78 ·
....does it ever make sense, or serve a purpose, to never want to replicate, duplicate, perform, act out ...etc ...in any manner, way, form that to other POS did with your wife, partner, etc?

...after 17 years, the anger about my wife's (supposed) one nighter with someone else finally boiled over. Before you look twice...yes, I said 17 years. We have been together ever since that "indiscretion" ...and I took a path to reconciliation. But, she never was 'made' to disclose details about what led her to sleep with someone else, or the 'dirty deed" itself. She, to this day, claims that she'd have a hard time telling me his name ...although I am sure that she withheld this info for fear that I'd hunt him down and kill him....or something really painful.

...this all has been brought to the front burner by:

1: My lack of trust in her (she played the trust card in our marriage ...and it's been in the discard pile ever since.)

2: She's planned a 5 night getaway in Fla with 5 of her HS girlfriends ...which ...brings to a boil issue #1.

My anger lately has been so off the charts that it's prompted her to give me an ultimatum regarding ...getting some professional help ...and, getting on some form of medication(s) to help me deal with the anger that's been festering for so long. The ultimatum was basically, get help ...stop ...fix this ...or I'm leaving to get an apartment ...taking daughter(s) .[one is 17, the other 23].

....let's start with this ...I want to be head over heals in love with her. It physically hurts to deal with the emotion associated with the thought of another guy touching her. I'm probably shortening my lifespan for enduring this level of hurt and the affiliated hostility. It's probably not a good thing either that in lieu of having "real meds" ...I prefer to have a few shots of bourbon every so often to numb the pain.

...we had a LONG talk about this today ...because she wouldn't get out of my face until we did. And as such, I got more and more angry with her that ...for lack of a better way of saying it ....she just wouldn't let me be angry because if was affecting her.

....I spilled my guts again ...and I demanded answers. I wanted to know what this other guys name was, where he lived, etc. Her answer, "does it really matter 17 years later"? I did the whole explanation to her about what SHOULD have happened back then on D-Day ...including disclosure, details, names, addresses, phone numbers, no contact statements...etc. (too bad TAM didn't exist then). She remained clueless ...thinking ."it's over...let's move on".

...I told her ..."you and I were the only people that each of us had ever slept with ...and you told me that you you had to love someone in order to sleep with them"...." what could someone possibly say to you to make you sleep with them after just meeting them"? She told me that he said, "I want you". That's it....3 simple words. 3 words that if I ever had the inclination to WANT to say to my wife at an opportune moment ...will NEVER EVER say to her.

....so the question I have for those that have stayed with a wayward spouse, "are you afraid to say or do anything that will remind you partner of the other man/woman".

...I was told by my wife today ...that because I wanted the 'details"...that "you are sick and need serious help". Well ...from what I've read regarding the topic ...I guess I'm not alone in my state of sickness.
Then say to her: "If I am sick, then you the vector of my disease. You want me to get over it, then please help me to get over it!"
 
#79 ·
You don't have to go to a lab for DNA tests. If you want it for your own piece of mind you can do it from the privacy of your own home. Your wife does not need to participate. You would need to do a simple cheek swab of you and the child in question. Results are very private, the process is not expensive. It will also clue you in should health issues ever arise and there is a need to track down OM.

No offense, but your wife slept with only 2 men in her life and she can't remember OM's name- the guy she cheated on you with. HMM, maybe.

You may also be able to get a good idea using a DNA genealogy service if you wanted to go that route, but it will cost a few more dollars and may be harder to decipher. I'm not positive about this approach.

Unfortunately, I had a need to use the first option. Both kids are mine, that was a relief, but a pity I had to check. Sorry you find yourself in this position.

I know what an unremorseful wife is like. That is why I divorced her and I am honestly very glad I did. There is much happiness to be found through rebuilding your life without the need to live with this kind of crap. Especially when your spouse will not help you to reach the closure and healing you need to be at peace. You don't sound like you want this hanging over your head for next 17+ years. It's your choice if you want to accept this burden.

Good Luck
WD
 
#82 ·
....yeah ...read it ...thought about it too. A lot of it is too hurtful to think about. I've been stressed to the point of exhaustion with this ....and had some severe chest pains this evening after a prolonged talk with her. Some details to the contrary of what she originally told me came out ...and she told me that the therapist told her ..to never tell the name of the guy or details to me ...for fear I'd hunt him down and kill him.

1. she didn't meet him at the bar that that she said ...she met him at a bar in a bowling alley (her therapist told her to say this)

2. It's no one I know.

3. She knew "of him" but didn't "know him" until the night of the hook up.

4. Knows his first name ...will not tell me.

5. Can't grasp my pain now that I know she even lied about details ...at the instruction of her therapist.

....look people (and you're all good people too) . I'm crushed ...almost beyond words at the moment....(and maybe I had one too many drinks at dinner.) I agonized over details that I knew...or thought I did for many years ...to find thay are not true. I just want to crawl in a hole and die now. I feel like I died all over again ....

....sorry to verbally weep ....maybe I need a break from all this.
 
#86 ·
...yes ...she's still going on the trip. One of her HS girlfriend's mother owns a house near orlando so they will be staying there. As far as I know they are going to Universal, Downtown Disneys, a wine tasting seminar, and a karaoke place.

...this was discussed today because it came up in a conversation related to me trusting her (or the ongoing lack thereof).

....I've stopped asking about details of the sexual encounter. When more info came out ...I felt worse .....physically worse (intense chest pains and light headed feeling) I can't afford to be physically sick like that. I'll have to somehow accept that she's had one more sexual partner than I have in my life....and I hope that I was 'better' than the other guy.

.... I will say that for the first time ever, I could see that she was somewhat ashamed of what happened. She also admitted that she's terribly uncomfortable about shows / movies / media that deals with infidelity topics.

....in the past 17 years, she has been very supportive of me, a good (great actually) mother, a great financial partner keeping us afloat. I'm going to go to the therapist with her this coming week to get my side on the table, and see what direction all this goes. I'm going to keep an open mind and do what needs to happen to get my mental, emotional, and physical "stuff" on an even keel.
 
#85 ·
sounds like your wife ain't budging on this. she seems to be using that terrible advise from her therapist(concerning full transparency) to stonewall you.

the reason your dealing with this NOW is because you never adressed this issue in the beginning. are you gonna wait another couple of years before you drudge this up again?

get your answers now so you can finally move forward. by this, i mean get tough with her..... tell your wife you either get your answers, or you're walkin'. simple as that!
 
#88 ·
....been there ...done that ......several times. Have you been monitoring my thought-waves? :confused:

....whenever I see or hear a story about marital infidelity turning violent ...I have a clear picture why and how it happens ...and am surprised it's not prevalent as the number of marital indiscretions.
 
#91 ·
With all due respect to your Wife and her therapist, I think:
1. She might have taken this decision not to tell you the details on her own - Not instructed by a therapist.
2. Most probably the OM is very much known to you. That's why she might not be able to tell you his name (Full name. Not ONLY first name).

Still I do not think you will ever know exactly what happened, how frequently, and with whom. They say time is a cure for everything - but that also doesn't seem to work in this situation (Includes me too).

The only relief that I get (in my case) is knowing how I have become detached with her over the period of years. No love - No pain.
 
#92 ·
...related to #1 ....she is absolutely guilty of giving inappropriate "instructions" to my wife. That therapist (woman) was a complete feminist ...with only views that favored my wife. She had no ability to sit on the fence and administer guidance equally to both parties. That's the reason I stopped ....abruptly .....going there. In retrospect ....she definitely deserved a thorough biatch slapping for her professional incompetence.
 
#93 ·
......well .....today will be my 'visit' to the therapist that my wife goes to. And, given my age old mistrust and loathing for therapists, counselors, etc ........I have a huge anxiety attack going on right now.

....it's been almost as bad as D-Day this past week, given that I was told info from my wife about the A that is contrary to what I was led to believe for +17 years. I have a lot that I want to say in this 'session' and I know that I will not get to all of it in 1 hour's time.

....I honestly, truly, sincerely, want to get past all this. But I fear this therapy session like no other, because I think that all the background (her account) has been provided by my wife and I'm possibly entering a toxic minefield.

....and I guess that my biggest dose of trepidation comes from the idea that I will likely never know the absolute truth about anything (or if I can handle the actual truth) and have to continue to live a lie.
 
#94 · (Edited)
Hurtin Still,
I've taken a break as I'm trying to find my own therapist. It's such a job, believe me. Just know that your not alone in worrying, so your in my thoughts. I get nervous just thinking about going and talking about my painful life. I think you've got it under control and know how to handle it better now with all the advice you've been given.

It's such a personal matter going to a therapist and having a comfortable fit, I've been to 4 or 5 in the past 18 months and none of them worked, so don't feel bad.

I don't know if I'll ever get the truth or not either. I do know a polygraph test is going to be done, no matter what. I will still be seeing a counselor on my own and according to the test, we'll decide if marriage counseling is necessary, so I feel your pain. Let us know how it goes and best of luck.

All I can say is, GET TO THE BOTTOM OF IT, PERIOD! Don't be like me at 69 and letting 25 yrs. or more go by and not know what happened in your life. You need peace finally, "The truth will set you free."

Granny7
 
#95 ·
Hurting. What if she is hiding you daughter from the OM? There's a good chance he is her bio father. So in addition of keeping you away from him, what if she's keeping the daughter away?

It's a longshot. I think the heart of her refusal is she doesn't want you to know you aren't the bio father. She's sure that will cause you to leave.

You might be able to break the jam by showing her a DNA test result.
 
#103 · (Edited)
You have been posting frequently lately and I just found one of the posts you started. I can really understand why you feel betrayed a second time by your wife and cheated of your due by the marriage counselor.

“....no truth if one of my children is really mine.”

You may not want to know, but you could do a DNA test secretly (not telling your wife or daughter).

If she’s not yours, you could tell your wife that you deserve some answers for raising a kid that isn’t yours.

If she is yours, you can then take the “genetic pride” you were talking about.

BTW, two brown hair people can have a blonde kid.

You can buy a test kit at WalMart for $30 and mail it to a lab for processing for an additional $130. Just do a search for “paternity test” to see your options.

The most common sample would be from rubbing a Q-tip inside your daughter’s cheek and yours.

The problem is explaining to your daughter why you’re doing that.

You could use a Band-Aid that she has put in the trash (pus is as good as blood), give her a new toothbrush and get it after she
brushes her teeth, etc. You could use a panty liner or tampon from the trash. Just make sure it's not your wife's.

1. What kinds of samples are needed for DNA testing?

Genetic Profiles frequently uses a cheek swab collection (buccal swab) since it is easy to obtain, completely non-invasive, painless, and is just as accurate as blood samples. Almost any biological sample could be used since DNA is located everywhere throughout the body in the same exact form.

2. What is the difference between a blood test and a mouth swab?

A buccal swab sample is just as accurate as a blood sample. The advantages of using buccal swab collections are that they are non-invasive, painless, quick and easy.

3. Can hair samples be used for DNA paternity testing?

Yes. However hair samples must have the root follicle intact. For the follicle to remain intact, it generally requires the hair to be pulled directly from the scalp. If this is your preferred method of collection, please contact our client services department for additional information.
 
#113 ·
But once the infidelity line has been crossed, and up until the time that it is either discovered or summarily broken off, I would feel rather certain that both illicit partners would likely remain loyal to only each other and would only have "begrudging sex' with their legitimate partner's only out of sheer necessity! And for as long as they continue to have sex with each other, they will just live and share that STD.

It's only during that begrudging sex with their normal partners when those social diseases tend to get passed along!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
You have insufficient privileges to reply here.
Top