This is WAY off the mark. There is NEVER blame to be placed on the BS when a WS chates. NEVER. To even imply blame to a BS when they've just found out is horrible.
As I clearly said in my post it doesnt give him the right to do that and my take on it might prove too harsh to someone, bam...hello someone!
I am not blaming her, of course not. But sometimes there is more to a story. I believe she posted here to get advice, opinion, point of view. We are all different, think differently. One can only try to take away what they seem to suit them best from these postings and do what they feel is best for them and their family.
I have been through a similar situation with my partner and after the initial anger, pain, frustration, etc I forgave him, because that suited us best. I forgave but never forgot. Our relationship has become stronger for it, we are an awesome team, and been for many years. It is partially thanks to me having this sudden urge of confidence, etc...It's not say I trust him, I dont trust anyone, not even myself. As we are human beings, we behave incredibly different under pressure and in different situations.
I now understand he did what he did to see what it is like to be with someone else, are you childhood sweethearts that he feels like he hasnt had enough experience with others?!
It also sounds like it would be difficult for you to separate as you are pretty tied there with his work. no family, etc...
I still say, knowing it is very fresh, allow yourself a few days to feel angry, sad, hurt, etc...then try to get strength from whatever helps you and make fundamental changes that will surprise him. Take it from there....
Once again I would like to say I am not accusing you of any wrongdoing, I am merely trying to figure this situation out and perhaps help a bit along the way, even if it is by giving a perspective many frown upon.