How do I deal with wifes issues!
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Old 03-13-2013, 03:12 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default How do I deal with wifes issues!

Hello, I wanted to write this to seek advice for my marriage and 3 month old son. I am 21 years old and she is 19. I know we are very young but we have been together for 2 years and married for 9 months, Had a child in December and he is 3 months old. Well, It all started about a week ago she was acting really strange all of the sudden. Hiding her phone, Texts, Emails, Facebook stuff. We both have each others passwords at this time. We used to check each others stuff all the time without care. So, I decided to get on hers and look to see what was going on. Well she told me her ex-boyfriend messaged her and I said okay, He said he wanted to be friends and I told her she shouldnt even be talking to him. Keep in mind this guy has cheated on her 3-4 times and has OD'ed on pills when she left him last.

So, when she kept acting weird. Being on her phone litterally 24/7 for a week I started asking questions and getting upset because of it. She wont get mad and say "There's nothing else to do!" Or something in the order of that. So I did more research on her things without her knowing, I found she has been talking to people telling them how can she file for temp custody of our child and that she doesnt love me anymore. So I asked her about it. Again she starts getting mad and screams and yells and doesnt talk about it. So I did more research to find that she used her old Myspace account to talk to her ex-boyfriend. They were talking about moving in with each other and taking my son from me. And that they loved each other, Also that they were meeting up.

Now, I got mad. So I brought the computer in and comfronted her about it. She got so mad she left to go to her moms. I kept the child because the police would not take him out of the home. She got mad and stayed. Then that night ( Keep in mind through all this everyday she would be happy and loving to me) she cried to me saying they are just friends and she wanted to talk it out and work on our marriage and problems. Well, She wont talk about it. She goes to her moms, And I let our son go with her. She said she would come home in a couple of days. So I said okay go take some time. Think about things. Well, Now she will not talk to me, Blocked me off the internet. Only texts me rarely. Mostly when I ask about our son. Then when I go over to get our son (Shes been gone 5 days now) I will ask her when she wants to talk about this, And she will give me a date or time And hug an kiss me and tell me she loves me.

However, Everytime that time comes to talk she will make up an excuse and lie to me constantly. Even her mom is now lying for her. She told my mom she was confused and needed help. But now everyone that tries to help her she will block them out of her life. I seen her exs car in their driveway and I went to see if she was home and said it was her little sisters friend. (Which is 13) And I already knew who it was cause I seen him. Now she is acting like a teenager, An is not thinking of her son. When I have him she wont text or call not even to see how he is doing. When she has him I call or text every couple of hours to see how he is doing. She turned into a completely different person. Now I believe she is filing for divorse and custody but I am not 100% sure. I have tried everything to fix this. Litterally everything. But it seems she doesnt care. I offered marriage couseling but she said she doesnt want to talk to someone. I love her with all my heart and miss her at home. Is there anyone that can give me some advice on how I can get her in the right state of mind??? I have Ohio laws. Thanks.
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Old 03-13-2013, 03:24 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I deal with wifes issues!

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Hello, I wanted to write this to seek advice for my marriage and 3 month old son. I am 21 years old and she is 19. I know we are very young but we have been together for 2 years and married for 9 months, Had a child in December and he is 3 months old. Well, It all started about a week ago she was acting really strange all of the sudden. Hiding her phone, Texts, Emails, Facebook stuff. We both have each others passwords at this time. We used to check each others stuff all the time without care. So, I decided to get on hers and look to see what was going on. Well she told me her ex-boyfriend messaged her and I said okay, He said he wanted to be friends and I told her she shouldnt even be talking to him. Keep in mind this guy has cheated on her 3-4 times and has OD'ed on pills when she left him last.

So, when she kept acting weird. Being on her phone litterally 24/7 for a week I started asking questions and getting upset because of it. She wont get mad and say "There's nothing else to do!" Or something in the order of that. So I did more research on her things without her knowing, I found she has been talking to people telling them how can she file for temp custody of our child and that she doesnt love me anymore. So I asked her about it. Again she starts getting mad and screams and yells and doesnt talk about it. So I did more research to find that she used her old Myspace account to talk to her ex-boyfriend. They were talking about moving in with each other and taking my son from me. And that they loved each other, Also that they were meeting up.

Now, I got mad. So I brought the computer in and comfronted her about it. She got so mad she left to go to her moms. I kept the child because the police would not take him out of the home. She got mad and stayed. Then that night ( Keep in mind through all this everyday she would be happy and loving to me) she cried to me saying they are just friends and she wanted to talk it out and work on our marriage and problems. Well, She wont talk about it. She goes to her moms, And I let our son go with her. She said she would come home in a couple of days. So I said okay go take some time. Think about things. Well, Now she will not talk to me, Blocked me off the internet. Only texts me rarely. Mostly when I ask about our son. Then when I go over to get our son (Shes been gone 5 days now) I will ask her when she wants to talk about this, And she will give me a date or time And hug an kiss me and tell me she loves me.

However, Everytime that time comes to talk she will make up an excuse and lie to me constantly. Even her mom is now lying for her. She told my mom she was confused and needed help. But now everyone that tries to help her she will block them out of her life. I seen her exs car in their driveway and I went to see if she was home and said it was her little sisters friend. (Which is 13) And I already knew who it was cause I seen him. Now she is acting like a teenager, An is not thinking of her son. When I have him she wont text or call not even to see how he is doing. When she has him I call or text every couple of hours to see how he is doing. She turned into a completely different person. Now I believe she is filing for divorse and custody but I am not 100% sure. I have tried everything to fix this. Litterally everything. But it seems she doesnt care. I offered marriage couseling but she said she doesnt want to talk to someone. I love her with all my heart and miss her at home. Is there anyone that can give me some advice on how I can get her in the right state of mind??? I have Ohio laws. Thanks.
File for divorce. It will give you back the power and if she comes to you begging to reconcile you can always stop the divorce proceedings. Take pictures of the other man's car in her driveway when you see it, including license plates. This will help you in custody battle since you've implied he has a proven history of drug abuse on file (I'm assuming police or hospital were involved).
She's already checked out, I wouldn't hold much hope of R and I don't think you'd want it even if it's an option. Even if you do want R (I know its hard to let go) filing for D is still the best way to get there. She's deep in the fog and needs to realize her current behavior is unacceptable and will cause her to lose you unless she makes a change RIGHT NOW. Expose to all her friends, all her family (though you imply they already know) and anyone else you two know. She's already lying to them about why she left you and what an awful piece of sheet you are. Spread the truth far and wide now so people can start looking down on her as the scumbag she is. That might cause her to come to her senses and realize what a sheety move she's making.

D looks like it's going to happen whether you want to or not. Trying to "save" your marriage by being nice and reasonable won't work. Act like her leaving means nothing to you and you're eager to get the D over with so you can find someone who isn't such a POS. 99% chance she'll come crawling back at that point claiming she made a huge mistake.
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Old 03-13-2013, 03:38 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I deal with wifes issues!

Well, I believe her friends would not believe me if I told all of them that. I know her friends and family probably do not know about it, Except for her sisters and mom. I know this is very hard for me cause I havent been able to eat or sleep for several days. Wondering how or what could be possibly going through her mind on doing such things. And I'm not sure I can get pictures of his car and plates now. So I'm afraid of losing my son in a custody war. And I do still love her and would be willing to forgive her IF she would come to her senses. I honestly believe she is going through depression or she is very confused and being a puppet and whatever someone tells her she believes.
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Old 03-13-2013, 03:48 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I deal with wifes issues!

Get a lawyer.

Get a DNA test.

Get checked for STDs.
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Old 03-13-2013, 03:50 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I deal with wifes issues!

I'm 100% sure this is her first time. I have absolutely no doubts the baby is mine. Me and her never left each others sides. We were always so close and in love and happy. Until just recently.
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Old 03-13-2013, 03:50 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I deal with wifes issues!

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Get a lawyer.

Get a DNA test.

Get checked for STDs.
DNA test the kid asap.
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Old 03-13-2013, 03:52 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I deal with wifes issues!

I am sorry you are hear. Your wife is having an A not sure if it is just EA or a PA but she has connected with him agian. This is the kind of Bull men have to deal with about woman. She married you because A you are the kids Dad and B you are safe. The other guy is Drama and edgey. She likes that

Man up. Go pick up the kid and go home. File for D and expose the A. Does the POS OM have a GF or Family? Go tell them he is busting up a family.

Pack up your wife stuff and dump it on the porch
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Old 03-13-2013, 03:52 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I deal with wifes issues!

Post it on facebook. See an attorney now. She abandoned her child and that may help you get custody if you act quickly. You ccan always stop the divorce.

Face it she isn't very smart or she would not even speak to the doper. She will regret this the rest of her life but there isn't anything you can do.

Keep your son and cut her off completely, she thinks if things do not work out she can always come back to you. Filing divorce papers and asking for custody may wake her up but the odds are no better than 50/50.

Here is a link to the 180. Follow it to the letter. The Healing Heart: The 180

Be strong and take care of your child, be a good dad.
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Old 03-13-2013, 03:56 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I deal with wifes issues!

Thanks for all the replys everyone. It makes me feel better anyways. And the advice is good. I'm open to all and other replys.
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Old 03-13-2013, 03:56 PM   #10 (permalink)
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DNA test the kid asap.
Yep! DNA test.
Also the reason she us acting like a teenager is because she is a teenager. And not a particularly nice one...
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Old 03-13-2013, 04:00 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Well, I believe her friends would not believe me if I told all of them that. I know her friends and family probably do not know about it, Except for her sisters and mom. I know this is very hard for me cause I havent been able to eat or sleep for several days. Wondering how or what could be possibly going through her mind on doing such things. And I'm not sure I can get pictures of his car and plates now. So I'm afraid of losing my son in a custody war. And I do still love her and would be willing to forgive her IF she would come to her senses. I honestly believe she is going through depression or she is very confused and being a puppet and whatever someone tells her she believes.
She won't come out of her senses until you confront her with consequences. People might not believe you, but if you say "I found an email between them planning to leave me and move in together" and they think you're lying then there's nothing you can do with them. Just you putting it out there for all to see will be enough to seriously piss her off and help put you back in control.
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Old 03-13-2013, 04:02 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I deal with wifes issues!

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Yep! DNA test.
Also the reason she us acting like a teenager is because she is a teenager. And not a particularly nice one...
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Exactly what I was going to post!
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Old 03-13-2013, 04:03 PM   #13 (permalink)
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But, Wouldnt that hurt my chances of getting custody or filing for divorce?
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Old 03-13-2013, 04:11 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I deal with wifes issues!

You are in love with the woman you thought she was. Not who she is. She has disrespected you and betrayed you. You have to get past this fog and shock that all BS's go through and get angry about what she's done to you. Use that anger to motivate yourself to take the appropriate steps. Don't lash out at her, don't beg, don't plead. Find the 180 link to help you start detaching from her.

Based on her lack of remorse right now, the chances of reconciling with her is almost zero, but if you even want the slightest chance, you have to be strong and decisive. As we say a dozen times a day to new BS's on here "You have to be willing to end your marriage to have a chance to save it."

Do the 180 on her, expose her to friends and family, and start divorce proceedings. Then wait to see if she demonstrates complete remorse for her actions. If she does, then you can chose to reconsider. If she doesn't, you're going to have to man up and be prepared to divorce her.

I'm sorry you're here and I know it's tough to hear. But this will be the advice you're going to get on this forum, period. The only exception will be those that tell you to not even think about R with her.
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Old 03-13-2013, 04:26 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I deal with wifes issues!

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But, Wouldnt that hurt my chances of getting custody or filing for divorce?
Knowledge is power.
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