We have been married 10 years, we were at a football game and he loaned me his phone, I noticed in the inbox the first line of a message from an unknown name to me, that was really strange, I took the phone with me to the toilets - feeling really guilty for snooping - and found more txts to the same number, with strange comments with sexual references such as "you had sex yet
" "will you be at work in the morning" etc. Dont panic I thought and went back to the game - not seeing the rest of it. When we got home he went to bed and then I had a real good snoop through contacts other messages etc, all normal messages were still there not deleted, but he has cleared the messages I saw and there are no other messages from this surname now
. Went to bed, no sleep, he gets up to go to work, when he goes I ring the number witholding our phone number, a female voice says leave a message. Go to my friends leave kids with her and confront him when he gets home, 'We are just friends, it is a silly work thing we flirt as a fun thing to break the boredom, the txting has just started and he admits hes crossed the line with the txting. Shes just one of the guys he says. Should I ask one of his workmates if he thinks I should be alarmed, see what they think of the after hours txts?
Im really taken back, and heartbroken, he knows he has really hurt me, but went off to a wedding function, a workmate and left me at home, he assured me that she is not there
. he txt me just before asking if im alright ..... no i am not!
Why would she not be invited to the wedding?
He is there telling everyone how you were sick or had other plans and couldn't make it. She is there, too.
No one deletes only the texts from one person unless something funny is going on with that person.
I would assume it is a physical affair. There are very few texting-only affairs between co-workers. It escalates to physical pretty quickly.
Assume the worst, hope for the best.
Consider buying a voice-activated recorder and some heavy-duty velcro and putting it in his car. That usually gives you the answer within a few days.
Do not bring the subject up again with him again. Let him think you forgot about it.
You have a tough road ahead. He works with her and they are sexually interested in each other, most likely already acting on it. After you get your evidence, what will be your next step? Will you be comfortable with them working together?
You are shocked and can't believe what is happening, but on this forum we have seen it many times, so we already know what is going to happen. It's like watching a bad TV movie, you know what the villain is up to, what he's going to say and do.
Cheaters follow a script. "She's just a co-worker," "she's just a friend," "it's only texting," "we crossed a line," are all really, really bad signs. If there really was nothing to it, he would have been able to explain it all to you in a fair amount of detail in a couple of minutes in a way that made perfect sense to you. Instead, you got vague statements that make no sense. The explanation you got just leaves you wondering exactly what he is up to. And when that's the case, usually you can assume the worst.