SUMMARY OF MALCOM'S THREAD
Here is a synopsis of the full story. I do this because Lost isn't a professional writer (nor am I) and has no idea what relevant information is needed for us to begin to comment intelligently. Plus she might have left a few things out...
These excerpts are from her husband's thread:
In the spring of 2012 my wife was on a work trip to another part of the country for a week for a conference. Standard stuff as this has happened many times before. When she returned she seemed rather unlike herself, but I didn't put much thought into it at the time as we are both busy .
The BOMB was dropped on July 4th. Her phone went off when she was in the shower,It was a text message that said "What color underwear are you wearing today?". When she got out I asked her what the hell that was all about. Initially she told me it was a joke a friend was playing on her.
Since I'm not 3 years old I asked her to try again. That is when she told me that she had slept with a co-worker on the trip, and that they had had sex one other time the week after she returned. Happy 4th everyone!
She told me that she was sorry and that she wanted to keep it a secret forever, but that the guilt was too much for her to take. Especially after seeing me take the girls out for a day on the town the day before. What does that even mean exactly, who knows? Rather odd considering I actually had to confront her to get the information.
So in hindsight I think this is where I really kind of messed up, as I pretty much forgave her and didn't do very much other than try to move on. She has been more affectionate, and I have kept track of her communications and travels and don't have a reason to think things have continued. Boy toy is located in another office some 250 miles away, so the day to day thing would have been difficult to continue.
So this is D-Day. She promised to be a good girl and sin no more.
Malcom is very angry, won't go to Christmas with some in-laws he despises, and starts to try to keep track of his suddenly untrustworthy wife.
So after Christmas, this happened.
Last night I sat the wife down and told her that I needed to know everything. She hesitated a bit, but I said that if we weren't to get divorced in 2013 she had to lay it on the line right now. Oddly enough 2 times was actually over a year. 10 times total. I had her write out the dates for me.
The OM is located 250 miles away, but is in town about once a month. I asked her why she was willing to be an escort to a guy 4 hours away once a month when she had a husband at home. Didn't get a straight answer to that, not that I was expecting one.
I told her I needed her to write down her passwords for her e-mail accounts (work and home). She said that was an invasion of her privacy. I mentioned that in order for the marriage to work her privacy was secondary. She was angry at that point and said that I didn't even want to try to work things out and that I was punishing her.
Reading this forum the last few days I sort of anticipated this happening. I'm not particularly bright obviously, but I am perceptive. So I had already booked a hotel room nearby (about 6 blocks away) and told her she was going to have to stay there for a while to think about if she was serious about saving our marriage.
She was really upset and was yelling at me about kicking her out onto the street, and that I didn't love her. I told her that it's only BECAUSE I love her that I'm doing this. If I didn't I would just file tomorrow.
So she has until Sunday morning to let me know if she will be giving me the passwords and full name of her lover, and his marital status. She will also have to write a NC letter that is e-mailed in front of me. Any other additional measures I need to have done at the time will be taken then as well. If her answer is no then we can start the divorce process next week as the New Year starts.
I love her, but I won't live like this. It's me or it's him. And if it's me, she has to prove it. If it's him, I will immediately go into protective mode to legally obtain custody of my children.
Ugh! This is going to run for PAGES if I don't summarize.
So...right after new years, and sending a NC email, she gets a call, and chats with her boyfriend in the bathroom, telling hubby it was 'closure'. He loses it, asks her what part of NC doesn't she understand, and goes to his brother's. She calls him 30 times.
Lost at Sea wants to be a good married wife...but still wants to stay in contact with 'her friend' because 'he is a good man.'
Malcom isn't buying this. He threw her out, filed for divorce and asked for custody of the kids.
Her 'friend' arranged her transfer to his location 250 miles away, so wifey said 'the kids should stay here for now while I find myself'. She ACCEPTED the transfer...and one assumes moved (this is on January 30th)
Malcom also revealed their relationship to their work.
She also stated to me that she always thought she would be able to get back into my life when this fling was done because she thought I'd always be there for her. But I am too selfish to really show her that I care, and that I'll always be selfish.
:scratchhead:
I could be wrong of course, but I do think that perhaps getting nailed by a co-worker while wearing my wedding ring might put her higher on the selfish ratings chart than my not wanting to be BFF's with her right now. But maybe I'm just too cold to see how mean I am.
Sorry, this was so funny, I had to post it in it's entirety.
So..February 7th, .Malcom REsent the affair info to the CEO and her and loverboy were put on 6 weeks of unpaid leave.
Lost drove the 250 miles from loverboy's place (? Did you actually move in with him Lost?) so she could spend time with her daughters. Not sure if she's been doing that since the end of January.
I am adding this fact to point out that this is a mitigating factor in the whole 'she never cared about her children'. Sometimes you need to make choices which aren't in the childrens tip top best interest to fulfill other important interests (LaS...warming another man's bed is NOT 'another important interest')
On Feb 23, she has 'the Talk' with Malcom. "I'm sorry, I made a mistake." He isn't buying it.
Malcom let her move back into his home for March while she found her own place. She is out on April 1st according to him. He isn't talking to her. One presumes she moved BACK from Loveless Texas to be closer to her family. When is unclear.
Malcom on his wife as a mother:
I think of my ex as being a good mother. She was certainly distracted for the last number of months, but even in that phase she was at least half-azzed about her duties as opposed to completely negligent. She doesn't deserve an award of valor for that, but I'm not going to punish my daughters by fighting to keep their mother out of their lives.
So...there is Malcom's side. It fills in a few holes in the story.