Re: Where is the line in emotional affairs?
He is in an affair with this other woman (OW). When people first begin to discover an affair, they rarely have as much confirming information affair as you now have. Contrary to what your husband and the OW say, kissing another woman on the lips and telling her that he loves her, is a big enough betrayal on its own that most husbands would be begging for forgiveness for having done just this; you would be naive if you bought into their lie that it was not a big deal. Your husband telling her that you were in the room when he called on speaker, after agreeing not to, proves beyond a doubt that as bad as it sounds so far, there is more that he is trying to hide. His attempted blame shifting as to your faults and his grass is greener comment, confirm that he is rationalizing why it is OK to cheat. Cheaters always try to hold you to a standard of perfection that they do not hold themselves too, knowing that as a human you will fail such a standard. Do not let him do this. If he had a problem with you he needed to work with you on it. Cheating never fixes issue in a marraige. BTW, the kissing makes it no longer just an emotinal affair, and the fantasizing about her comment indicates even more.
You must be willing to end the marriage to have a shot at having a marraige worth saving. Stop listening to his lies and second guessing yourself. He crossed the line and is in an affair. See an attorney to learn your rights and let him know that you are doing so. Tell him that to even have a chance at saving the marriage that he must end all non-work-required contact with the OW and demand full transparency which includes passwords without complaint. Also demand that he acknowledge that what he did was cheating and start showing remorse for it.
I am sorry that you are here. Be well and good luck.
Last edited by TRy; 03-26-2013 at 08:45 AM.