Can't take the lying anymore.
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Can't take the lying anymore.

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

Like Tree8Likes
  • 3 Post By SlowlyGettingWiser
  • 2 Post By mahike
  • 2 Post By SlowlyGettingWiser
  • 1 Post By Numb-badger

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 03-25-2013, 04:22 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1
Default Can't take the lying anymore.

I am new to this forum thing so be nice to me. I have been with my fiance for almost 2 years. We are both in our 40's been married,children from previous marriages,bad relationships of the lying & cheating so we knew want we wanted in a new relationship. In the past 6 months I have caught him in a few lies & he is always sorry. He will never do it again & he has never had a healthy relationship with someone so open & understanding. I should mention that he is a recovering addict so we have had some struggles but still stuck together. Last October he went out of town on business & a long time friend (I don't trust) went with well they found themselves taking a long roadtrip through Vegas. I had a bad sick to my stomach feeling about it & could not shake the feeling. So fast forward to the other day when I did something I thought I would never have to do which was go through his wallet before he went out of town again. I found a coupon/card for a brothel in NV with an email address handwritten on it. I felt sick to my stomach & decided to take my searching a little further, I checked his emails for the month of October. I found emails back & forth with a girl from the brothel saying don't be a stranger, would love to spend time with you again. HOW DO I CONFRONT HIM? HOW DO I TRUST & STAY WITH HIM?
trustissues73 is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 03-25-2013, 04:40 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
SlowlyGettingWiser's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: On the cusp of something great!
Posts: 1,250
Default Re: Can't take the lying anymore.

Why would you WANT to stay with him?

You say you've already been through previous relationships with lying cheating and said you didn't want it any more.
  • Yet, he is lying.
  • Yet, he is cheating.
  • Yet, he is visiting professional prostitutes.
  • He is a recovering addict.
Cut your losses at the 2year mark, or continue to wonder, worry, obsess, fear for your health, fear getting dumped, fear a relapse of his drug usage, etc.

What is he going to say about this that will make it okay? That he's SORRY? That he didn't MEAN for it to happen? That he was drunk? That it was his friend's idea? That it will never happen again? That it meant NOTHING?

What did he tell you THE LAST TIME you caught him lying? What did he tell you the last time you had struggles regarding his addiction?

It's entirely UP TO YOU! If YOU believe you are worth more than the bad behavior in this relationship, then LET HIM GO. TELL HIM WHY. MOVE ON PERMANENTLY.

YOU can't fix him; only HE can 'fix' himself...and only if he WANTS to.

You can only fix YOU. Get some Individualized Counseling and figure out WHY you're involved with a former drug addict who lies to you and cheats on you. If you don't fix yourself, your next relationship will be NO BETTER than this one, or the last one, or the one before that.

PS: I'm going to notify a moderator that your post is in the wrong area of TAM. You're in a section where the moderators usually post INSTRUCTIONS/RULES for the website.

One of the moderators will move your thread to an appropriate board where MANY MORE people will be able to give you advice. The moderator will let you know where to find your thread!

Good luck!
SlowlyGettingWiser is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-25-2013, 05:28 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Orange County, CA
Posts: 1,214
Default Re: Can't take the lying anymore.

You confront him and say goodbye, you have been down this road before and you tell us you do not want that.

Be thankful you are not married.
mahike is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-25-2013, 05:31 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
JustSomeGuyWho's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Noblesville, IN
Posts: 2,469
Default Re: Can't take the lying anymore.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mahike View Post
You confront him and say goodbye, you have been down this road before and you tell us you do not want that.

Be thankful you are not married.
Ditto. When the two of you talked about what you want in a relationship, he was selling you a bill of goods.
JustSomeGuyWho is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-25-2013, 07:36 PM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
SlowlyGettingWiser's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: On the cusp of something great!
Posts: 1,250
Default Re: Can't take the lying anymore.

The SOLE purpose of dating seriously is to find the person you want to marry.

The SOLE purpose of an engagement is to figure out if this person REALLY IS the person you want to be with FOREVER.

He's not. So give him back the ring and break off the engagement. He didn't pass the test.
SlowlyGettingWiser is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-25-2013, 08:02 PM   #6 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
walkonmars's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: texas
Posts: 2,815
Default Re: Can't take the lying anymore.

Wow, just wow.
Don't you know all you need to know?
Is it your house or his?

His - pack your bags and leave. Don't say a word just leave.
Yours - pack his stuff in sturdy garbage bags and put them on the front stoop - then call a locksmith to change the locks.

Case closed.
__________________
A todos les llega su momento de gloria.
180 http://www.network54.com/Forum/23319...891381/The+180
Wayward wife's sad storyhttp://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ml#post1385676
walkonmars is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 03-25-2013, 08:21 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Numb-badger's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: North East UK
Posts: 534
Default Re: Can't take the lying anymore.

He failed.
He's playing you and will fill you with BS for as long as you take it.
__________________
I haven't really thought about the future that much, but when I die I think I'll go back to doing whatever I was doing for the fifteen billion years before I was born.
Numb-badger is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-25-2013, 08:50 PM   #8 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 17,428
Default Re: Can't take the lying anymore.

I agree with the others.

What's he going to tell you?

The best thing he could say was that he just hung out with the girls while his friend spent time with one of them. You cannot believe a story like that because all cheaters lie.

Is his friend an addict or ex-addict? The entire road trip sounds like a good way to do their drugs for a while with no one to have to admit it to. What is the drug of choice?

Now you know why he's never had a good relationship. He's a liar, a cheat and was a drug addict. He's still all those. He might be off the drugs but the road trip behavior speaks of otherwise.

Put his stuff out of your house or leave yourself. Just get away from this guy.
__________________
Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters
EleGirl is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 03-25-2013, 08:54 PM   #9 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: 30 miles from the nearest town
Posts: 1,568
Default Re: Can't take the lying anymore.

Quote:
Originally Posted by trustissues73 View Post
so we knew want we wanted in a new relationship...

HOW DO I TRUST & STAY WITH HIM?
What you wanted was someone you could trust.

It isn't him.
Wiserforit is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-25-2013, 09:17 PM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Spain
Posts: 4,198
Default Re: Can't take the lying anymore.

He failed the test.
You are worth more.
__________________
Mal de muchos, consuelo de tontos
Acabado is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-25-2013, 09:31 PM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: US
Posts: 592
Default Re: Can't take the lying anymore.



I agree with ALL of the above! Time to move on. If you don't expect a future of more of the same. When people show you who they are, believe them.
Aunt Ava is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-26-2013, 09:24 PM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
Broken..ForNow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Dallas
Posts: 52
Default Re: Can't take the lying anymore.

Any update?
Posted via Mobile Device
Broken..ForNow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-27-2013, 12:14 PM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
AngryandUsed's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: In myself.
Posts: 1,313
Default Re: Can't take the lying anymore.

The title of your thread says it!
AngryandUsed is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-27-2013, 12:30 PM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
chillymorn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,878
Default Re: Can't take the lying anymore.

don't say anything speak with your actions. hes not worth your breath. just move out or start evicting him.
chillymorn is online now   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Lying: How to I communicate that it's abuse to the lying partner? broder62 General Relationship Discussion 8 03-25-2013 06:49 PM
Who is lying - him or her? sinkingfeeling Coping with Infidelity 15 10-12-2011 04:29 AM
Think he was he lying? lotuslove General Relationship Discussion 19 08-26-2011 11:40 PM
Can't get over the lying HowToMoveOn? General Relationship Discussion 3 04-26-2010 11:22 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:34 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage