Re: Asked for divorce. Dazed and confused.
Perhaps you need to see that you have more control over your situation, and that she's with you not because she wants to be married, or that she has no choice.
Perhaps it would be best to divorce, and start dating eachother. It might be the case that exercising that option gives you the closure you need. Then you could start dating this divorced woman you know, who has some kids that you already know and love ...
A variation on that approach has worked for some others. (They tend to divorce first, then reconcile afterwards...)