status complicated
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » status complicated

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

Like Tree8Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 03-26-2013, 12:44 AM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 4
Default status complicated

hi,i am 24...i have a 10-year relationship with my first boyfriend,24 yrs old..he is loving, caring and understanding..i am a college teacher,and he is a seaman..on this long term relationship, we were not yet ready to get married due to the fact that he still want to help his parents..we are not yet ready financially....now, we are having long distance relationship..this is his second time to be away from me because he worked outside the country..on the first time he left for abroad,we maintained good communication..he always sent emails or calls..but this time (the second time he left for work),i could not receive any emails from him (specifically on the first few months)..not like the first time (he left),he rarely sends me email...i hate long distance relationship...!


until, this time came when i met someone...my student, 26 yrs old..both his parents died at his early age..he just graduated college recently...he is much attractive than my first boyfriend.. we share the same interests..he cooks for me,he is sweet,he is hardworking...however, he already had 2 kids from different women but not married to any of them..we are now on our 7-month relationship..i love him so much...i also loved my first boyfriend..Now,he is seeking for a job in the city.


i heard that my first boyfriend is coming home,and i still don't have the decision who to let go...i loved them both that (you may call me selfish) i could not afford to lose them..Which is which?..who is who?..please,i need an advice...i am very much confused right now.

Last edited by honey12; 03-26-2013 at 01:29 AM.
honey12 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 03-26-2013, 01:44 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
SaltInWound's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,164
Default Re: status complicated

Well, it is possible your original boyfriend is lying to you about ability to communicate and is instead, involved with someone else.

Maybe you need to ask yourself why you have been cheating on your boyfriend and never bothered to tell him? You have set yourself up to repeat this again in the future.

It is selfish to think you have 2 men and get to choose between them, as if they are 2 dresses hanging on the rack and you are not sure which one to wear to the prom. These are human beings.

Does your new guy know about your original guy? If he does, he isn't much of a catch, because he knowingly has sex with a woman already in a committed relationship.
SaltInWound is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-26-2013, 07:07 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 472
Default Re: status complicated

And - whilst I know these things can happen, having two children, with different women, neither of whom you're married to - by 26 - doesn't give him much of a track record .... be careful there too.

Best thing I can suggest is, step back from both - and take a good, long look at yourself, and what you want. Don't be swept along with events - think!
Rags is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-26-2013, 10:13 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Broken..ForNow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Dallas
Posts: 52
Default Re: status complicated

I agree, take a break from both. It shouldn't be that difficult.
Posted via Mobile Device
Broken..ForNow is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-26-2013, 10:17 PM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
keko's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,570
Default Re: status complicated

You're 24 and a college teacher?
__________________
The 180
keko is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-26-2013, 10:17 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
terrence4159's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: idaho falls, idaho
Posts: 763
Default Re: status complicated

i say dump your first BF and go after #2 and when he is single and has 3 kids from 3 different women we can laugh and tell you we told you so.


seriously break up with BF #1 he deserves better than you. he is out serving OUR COUNTRY willing to die for me and you and you thank him this way. he deserves better please let him go!!!!!!!!
terrence4159 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-26-2013, 10:21 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
keko's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,570
Default Re: status complicated

Oh and I vote for #2.

How many men will you find that not only is he sweet, hardworking but also cooks for you? Sounds like a winner.
__________________
The 180
keko is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-26-2013, 10:30 PM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 176
Default Re: status complicated

You need to separate from both of them. Mark a calendar a year out and forget about relationships for that year. Figure yourself out then proceed in finding the partner you want. Right now you don't know what you want. Only time, without a relationship clouding the issues, can get you to a place where you can find a person who fits your needs and whose needs you fit.
confusedFather is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-26-2013, 10:32 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
HarryDoyle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 339
Default Re: status complicated

I don't know what this has to do with CWI or marriage. It seems like Popeye needs the help in CWI, or Loverboy#2, depending on what choice is made. I think they should both dump you. Just sayin'
__________________
Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple.

Barry Switzer (1937 - )

Last edited by HarryDoyle; 03-26-2013 at 10:36 PM.
HarryDoyle is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-26-2013, 11:17 PM   #10 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 10,083
Default Re: status complicated

So you've been basically cheating on you bf for 7 months while he was at sea? And you are doing it with a student?

There are so many ethical problems here.

Tell you bf that you've been cheating on him for 7 months, that might just help the decision when he removes himself from your list of options.
Shaggy is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-27-2013, 12:26 AM   #11 (permalink)
TRy
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,761
Default Re: status complicated

Quote:
Originally Posted by keko View Post
You're 24 and a college teacher?
Your a college teacher and your grammar sucks? Also, when you teach in college, you are called a professor not a teacher.
TRy is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-27-2013, 07:30 AM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: The Big City
Posts: 996
Default Re: status complicated

seems very fake
__________________
My Mistakes -http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...e-dealing.html Understanding Your Betrayed Spouse - A quick reference manual for unfaithful partners.. -http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general...tml#post534068 The 180http://www.network54.com/Forum/23319...891381/The+180
Hardtohandle is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-27-2013, 07:52 AM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 496
Default Re: status complicated

If you have been intimate with your student while being with your first boyfriend, make sure the first boyfriend is told and gets tested for stds.

In addition, you are probably ripe for firing at your institution because you have had inappropriate contact with a student. Where is your integrity?

Also a man who has children with several different women is certainly a keeper, so what if he is has to pay child support for the next 18 years and needs to be a father to these children. This shows his integrity as he has taken the responsibility for fathering children out of wedlock. As stated above I would rush him down to the courthouse and get married today. What would be the downside of this because you have stated you truly love him?
rrrbbbttt is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-28-2013, 12:56 PM   #14 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 4
Default Re: status complicated

To TRy: maybe you should also TRy to think that a teacher and a professor are just the same(by nature)..Professors are teachers..right?..


with regard to grammatical issues,i think there is no single rule (or two) which stated that anyone who joined in the forum should have correct grammar (word usage)..


Well..anyway,i joined this forum to get advices and not to be judged.. "nobody is perfect"...
honey12 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-28-2013, 01:01 PM   #15 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 4
Default Re: status complicated

Quote:
Originally Posted by TRy View Post
Your a college teacher and your grammar sucks? Also, when you teach in college, you are called a professor not a teacher.
TRy also to check if YOUR grammar is correct....you should have used YOU'RE and not YOUR...
honey12 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
StatusQuo's status quo... StatusQuo General Relationship Discussion 48 09-06-2012 01:27 PM
Hey............Status............ southern wife The Social Spot 59 07-26-2012 01:12 PM
Does the status of the other guy matter? moeman Coping with Infidelity 4 08-30-2010 09:46 PM
Status quo sixtieschic General Relationship Discussion 9 10-23-2008 11:01 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:21 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.