still felling so much anger after a year - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-26-2013, 02:37 AM Thread Starter
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still felling so much anger after a year

Hey many I know how you feel, about a year ago my wife cheated on me with an x of hers, she said she was just going over there to vist and I was a control freak because im the jealous type but finally I let it go and trusted her, big mistake when she left I had a bad feeling then about an hour late I had a gut wrenching feeling that something happened, but did not want to make her think I was a freak so I did not tell her I knew I just knew what she had done, about a week later we were out with her friends drinking and I was getting a good drink on when we decide we were going to go to her friends house while in the truck she said I did something really bad, I said what you kissed someone, she said no worse, I said you slept with someone didn't you, she then started her speech, needless to say it took everything I had not to drive that truck into a tree, I got out her friends house let her go in I stayed out in the truck after she went it I got out and dam near broke my fist on the bed of my truck, the next I finailly got the x's number and threatened to kill him if I could find him, mind you I have done 3 tours in Iraq. well I choose to forgive her I think, well she starts sex txting another person just 4 months later I confronted her and she stopped, but even after all of this im a major control freak and I cant stop the thoughts of her cheating with him, the images of those two having sex it makes me sooo angry that it drives me to drink.
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-26-2013, 03:19 AM
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Re: still felling so much anger after a year

Where are the punctuation marks?

What I understand is that you let her go somewhere (knowing something would happen) and she ended up cheating on you. You told her you forgave but you still have the anger left in you.

Get some counseling.
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-26-2013, 03:51 AM
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still felling so much anger after a year

You MUST go to counseling. For yourself. I have a lot of friends who are veterans, and there seems to be a huge stigma about therapy among some of them.

Please go to the VA, they can help you.

You'll be so glad you did!

Holding into that kind of anger isn't good emotionally. That's not even half of it when you think about what it is physically doing to your overall health.
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-26-2013, 04:20 AM
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still felling so much anger after a year

Quit drinking so you can deal with this stuff with a clear head.
Take the advice of others and get to counseling.
Multiple tours of duty in the Mideast is a brave and noble thing but it doesn't do squat to help you sort out marital problems. The VA is there to help.

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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-26-2013, 04:44 AM
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Re: still felling so much anger after a year

Doesn't seem like the healthiest of relationships. You're "controlling", you let her out and she sleeps with someone. Are you "controlling" for a reason? Is there something about her personality and behaviour which leads you to think you would have done something untowards?

The sextexting afterwards would also be a worry. As others said please seek MC, you're forgiving her but it seems a pass to more cheating
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-26-2013, 07:14 AM
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Re: still felling so much anger after a year

She slept with her X while you two were married. Later you caught her sexting someone else. That's 2 people she has been unfaithful with. Do you have any kids together? If not, I'd divorce her. There's no need to torture yourself with having to constantly watch over her - especially since it looks like she has no interest in stopping.
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-26-2013, 09:39 AM
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Re: still felling so much anger after a year

If the roles were reversed would she be so accepting and forgiving as you. She knew exactly what she was going to do when she visited the ex. I am sorry but she sounds like she has no respect for you or your marriage at all.
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-26-2013, 09:49 AM
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Re: still felling so much anger after a year

The anger takes awhile but you have to work on it. You did not mention IC or MC. It sounds like both are needed. I am sorry you are going through this pain but D or R you have to work through it.

Quit the drinking. It does not help and I know.
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-26-2013, 10:06 AM
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Re: still felling so much anger after a year

Get a grip on your anger issues. Your a trained soldier, your trained to snap necks and break bones. The same rules dont apply to you, you accidently kill this guy and they will throw you under the jail. I'm sorry your in this situation and it sucks big time. Dont mess yourself up over her, leave her, find someone that will treat you better. Go easy on the drinking and try to get a hold of your anger before you make a mistake that you cant take back. Thank you for your service to this great country.

The All-Father wove the skein of your life a long time ago. Go and hide in a hole if you wish, but you won't live one instant longer. Your fate is fixed. Fear profits a man nothing.
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