I need your assistance as my H and I are in R and trying very hard to work past this one constant issue. We openly discuss everything and for some reason more often or not, we keep getting back to this one point and I am very frustrated. I need help, because apparently I am not doing a very good job in getting my point across to H.
Here is a very brief recap of my story. WH was cybersexting online to chat sites and having very explicit sex chats with numerous women. (maybe 50-60 women who were 20 years YOUNGER) over a 30 day period. With a few it became more "intimate" where they were privately & secretly e-mailing with "sweet" miss you messages and photos of one another. Upon my initial discovery of the computer history, followed 3 more opportunities of TT'ing and me finding out about secret e-mailing, photos, etc.. Needless to say after 20+ years of marriage, I was devastated. He explains it as an ego boost, feeling inadequate, bored, curious, mid life crisis.
Over the past several weeks we have communicated like crazy, we are in MC and he is completely open, transparent, very remorseful and riddled with shame & guilt. As I mentioned, we discuss our situation often and this site always comes up. He resents the time I spend here (that's another story) and we openly discuss other people's posts and situations on CWI.
The main bone of contention is this: After reading other people's posts, he always "justifies" his actions as he was NOT in a full blown physical A or having an EA with one person specifically (like the stories he reads on here.) He says his A was just stupid random chatting (he now says it was VERY WRONG) and a few e-mails to validate his ego again. His biggest defense is that he was NOT physically or emotionally ATTACHED to anyone and not vested in them. Since his A was not more involved, (like the stories we read on here) somehow his A is "less" damaging. Basically, he says he is WRONG, but he was not as bad as the stories on here.
This makes me feel less validated. Yes, his A was not a PA or a one person EA that went on for weeks/months/years, but his misuse of my trust is still shattered. Please help me in making him understand that you cannot justify his actions on the severity
of the A. Or am I wrong? Do you feel that cybersexting and secretly e-mailing random women less offensive?
How can I do a better job conveying my sentiments? Thanks in advance.