Question for those who attempted/ managed to reconcile and salvage your marriage. I am in a place right now with the whole thing that I feel like I could stay or go. I still love my husband and I still choose to be with him, however, I am not longer interested in putting up with any crap. He and I talked it out over the weekend and he cried (and promised to continue treatment for depression) , I cried and I decided to let him try to earn my trust again. However, I have no idea how to do that. How do you tell someone who messed up so bad to make you feel like they can ever be trusted again? I would love to go to counselling, however, with our budge that is impossible at this point. I know that advice via internet forum is not the same as real therapy, but right now I will take whatever help I can get and in whatever form it shows up in. So again... how do you recover from something like this?
Word of advice truckgirl. Stick with your original thread so that posters can follow your story better.
My sense is that you started another thread to because you didn't like what you heard so much on the first one. I can understand that, but your husband couldn't have changed that quickly. Your situation hasn't changed.
Right now it appears you've decided to R with him. OK, I won't judge the wisdom of that. I've been in R with my CS for a year and a half. So far, it's been successful or as successful as it can be considering the depth of her betrayal. The only way we've made it to this point is because she continues to show complete remorse
. But R is not a given in my mind. She's got to continue the heavy lifting for it to sustain.
So how does she show complete remorse? By her actions.
No contact with POSOM.
No contact letter sent.
No more contact with enabling friends.
Accepted my exposure.
Has passed all the tests when I covertly monitored her.
Totally transparent with all her communication.
Open to communication about the PA at any time.
Willingness to go to MC.
Demonstrated affection and kindness.
Bottom line is that I believe she is remorseful; for now. I take it one day, one week, one month at a time.
If you truly want to R with your H. Accept nothing less. And make sure he "knows" that you're out the door otherwise.
One final bit of advice. Don't give him another chance.