Need Some Advice Here (HELP!!!)
I know that I am going to get blasted when I tell my story here, just looking for any outlooks that would be different from mine or anyone that may have been able to overcome something similar.
I have been with the same girl since college, we have been together for about 20 years, with a 5 year break from 2002-2007. The break was caused because we had grown apart, so was always running, hanging with her friends, never wanted to do anything, etc., etc.
We kept in touch those 5 years, talking a few times a week and talked about reconciling. I had moved out of the state and had put my life together. About 3 months after our split, she butt dialed me on her cell while with with one of her friends. This friend was having an affair on her husband and this is when her friend asked my girlfriend if she was still carrying on with her business partner Cliff. My girlfriend stated not really, we have kind of called it quits.
Cliff is someone that my girlfriend used to work with back in 1998, but the 2 have remand friends and even went into business together. At the time they were working together, he was married. I was furious to learn this, but swallowed that was why we grew apart and I had left her already and was well on my way to rebuilding my life without here.
In 2007 we reconciled, I never really brought the Cliff thing up again and decided the only way to start was to start clean. She was still in business with Cliff. So I swallowed that and moved forward.
From 2007 thru now, things have not been great, but not good anymore. She has family and friends that live about 3 hours from us and she would go out there often and stay the weekend or so she said. Turns out that the two of them were having an affair again and it has been ongoing for the last year or so. Most times that she told me she was staying with her friends out of town, on business out of town, appointments, etc., she was with him at his house. An average of 2-3 nights a week for the last year.
I caught here in so many lies over the last year, that I am the dumbass for not realizing the truth from fiction. I always wanted to see the best in here, always belive the improbable as long as there was some possibility that what she was telling me was the truth.
Over the last year on several occasions I had confronted here about our relationship and even stated that maybe we should end it and it was always I love, don't go, I will do better, etc., etc., but she never did anything, it just got worse.
Now the bombshell, a friend of hers is a travel agent and she told me that she had an extra ticket / vacation to Costa Rica and wanted her to go. My girlfriend dropped this on me 3 days before the trip. offered to go with them, pay out of pocket, pay premium for last minute and she just said that she needed a break from work, stress release and it was just the two of them and she wanted girl time.
She went with Cliff and did not call me the whole time. She called here parents to tell me that she was ok and that she was having problems making out of the country calls which is why she had not called.
Now the good part, prior to the trip, for about 2 weeks before the trip, I had learned everything, but kept quite and played along. I wanted to see the lies first hand, wanted to see how much, how often she would lie to me. I knew everything, I mean everything for about three weeks, where she was, who she was with, text messages, phone calls, etc., etc.
I was shocked at the depths of here lies, the disrespect, the disloyalty, etc. etc. She has a side to here that I never saw before or did not want to see. This is the second time I know for sure that she has had an ongoing affair, I am pretty sure that she has had these types of issue for about the last 17 years.
She has and has always had a self esteem issue, always wanting to be liked, to be hit on, to be looked up to, cared what others thought, etc.
She was finally confronted, she initially denied it, but the evidence was well beyond lies now. We have not been close or as husband and wife for about 6 months. She was very upset and I did some things to hurt her as well, which I will not mention, but nothing bad or illegal, just enough to have here feel what I was feeling, no I did not go cheat either. In short, I betrayed her trust in an area in which she trusted me.
I have started packing my stuff and planning on moving for work out of state. She now has come to be on 4 occasions wanting to really give our relationship another try, a real try. While my heart wants to, we have a great life, I don't think I can. I think I could have moved past a one night stand, but an ongoing affair, two separate times, with the same guy, the lies, disrespects, etc.
In addition, her mom and dad knew. I am extremely close with her parents, I love them as much as my own and the love me like their son, or at least I thought they did. I understand that they were in a tough spot, but they have known for the last 6 month and kind of covered for her while she was on vacation with Cliff.
As tough as it is, I plan on starting my life over again, relocating for work to a city were I don't know anyone and rebuild. Part of me wants to try again though. I don't know if I love her or the idea of what we could have been and the opportunities that we now be missed. We could have had a beautiful life together with everything that we would want, is that what I love or here, or both, I don't know.
Here is my question, does anyone here think that it is possible that someone like this could actually change, that we could rebuild, that we could find long-term happiness. I don't see it, I want to, but how is it possible. Putting the affair aside and say that I could get past that.
The level on disrespect, the length of the lie, having mom and dad part of the lies, choosing him over me on countless occasions, etc.
Anyone ever overcome more and been successful? She says that she wants to try and that she will try, but I know or believe that the commitment that it would take on her part is beyond what she can give. I see it that I would be wasting more years of my life.
BTW, we have no kids. Anyone think that there is a way out for us or should I pack, move and leave this girl in my rearview mirror and never talk with her again?