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Contacted by exwife for dinner. Yes? No? HELP

59K views 238 replies 82 participants last post by  Acabado 
#1 · (Edited)
Long story short:
Me: 34
her: 30

My original posting: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/64546-new-here-my-story.html

Total relationship length: 4.5 years
Married less than a year.

After about a year of marriage, she announced she wanted out. Unhappy, etc. Found out she had be involved in at least a EA with a MM in a different state. Had been going on prior to me proposing and all thru the marriage. Divorce was final in Dec 12. Only married for that short year. I treated her great, but apparently she couldn't control herself.

I haven't had communication with her since January. Just the other day, out of the blue she emails that she's going to be in town and wants to know if I want to get dinner.

I know she's still in contact with MM. I doubt she wants to get back together, nor would I.

My brain says: F her! No dinner. She can rot in hell.
My heart says: I still love her and see this as a possiblity to get some answers of which I never got.

I basically found out all this thru her cell phone and all the calling going on through the past two years to MM. She even emailed him on our honeymoon how much she missed him.

She rug swept him of course and said JUST FRIENDs. I'm not an idiot.

THoughts?
 
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#42 ·
You claim to still be in love with her. For this reason I recommend you don't go.

In your emotional state you're liable to fall for any sad story she gives you - probably wants free legal advice - and elicit the white knight syndrome you seem to have.
 
#43 ·
Bills advice makes a lot of sense

Just told my female cousin about ex contacting me. Cousin was always close with her. She just now informs me that not too long ago ex contacted her to inquire how the family was doing. I haven't gotten more details yet.

Somewhat upset with cousin in that she never told me.
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#51 ·
My brain says: F her! No dinner. She can rot in hell.
My heart says: I still love her and see this as a possiblity to get some answers of which I never got.
NO

If you have feelings for her then it's a STUPID idea. The only reasons to meet with her are either to
1. let her apologise or
2. to hook up with her.

Neither of these will work if you're gonna get emotionally attached.

10/1 odds though, you'll meet her, maybe hook up and give indications that you would like to, and take a short painful rollercoaster ride.
 
#57 ·
I like Warlock's advice, but I'd be more blunt.

"What's in it for me?"
 
#69 ·
This is a weak rationalization for something you already want to do.

So...do it. But you will regret it. And you will regret it if you don't go.

Since you have a GF, I would regret not going out of respect...but that's me.
 
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#66 ·
If you're dating someone and are considering making it serious then you should mention it to her if not discuss it fully.

Coffee at Starbucks at most. Ok make it dunkin donuts.
 
#67 ·
Why would she reveal that to you? She won't. She will be there looking the best she's looked in forever (at least in your eyes) and at the end of the night, you'll be there holding your d!ck in your hand.

You are dating someone.

She is fishing.

So unless she is offering a) an expensive dinner and b) some reason for you to attend and potentially disrespect your current girlfriend, I'd say no thanks

She had better come up with something you want too.
 
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#68 ·
Sounds like you're going despite great advice to the contrary.

Tell your dating partner that your exwife is in town and she wants to speak with you. You're curious what she has to say, it's going to be short and to the point and that will be it.

Don't make it dinner. Dinner implies something more than just a casual meeting.
 
#72 ·
I'm leaning towards not going. I know I'd never take her back regardless of whatever sob story she has. She'd never be accepted by my family and friends anyway.

Right now I'm tho king about an email like this:

Unless you have something you want to tell me or need to say, I'm not interested. I'm at a better place right now.
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#77 ·
Unless you have something you want to tell me or need to say, I'm not interested.
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I'd leave it at this, short and to the point. As a rule don't mention person feelings one way or another.

This is your opportunity to reject her for once, dollars to donuts she is sweating out your response. Don't buy the casual way she worded her message, she probably spent a lot of time wording it just right.

You'd send a even stronger message by ignoring it like she's not worth it. This is how you turn the tables on them.

If you do see her, I wouldn't show her any respect.
 
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