Total relationship length: 4.5 years
Married less than a year.
After about a year of marriage, she announced she wanted out. Unhappy, etc. Found out she had be involved in at least a EA with a MM in a different state. Had been going on prior to me proposing and all thru the marriage. Divorce was final in Dec 12. Only married for that short year. I treated her great, but apparently she couldn't control herself.
I haven't had communication with her since January. Just the other day, out of the blue she emails that she's going to be in town and wants to know if I want to get dinner.
I know she's still in contact with MM. I doubt she wants to get back together, nor would I.
My brain says: F her! No dinner. She can rot in hell.
My heart says: I still love her and see this as a possiblity to get some answers of which I never got.
I basically found out all this thru her cell phone and all the calling going on through the past two years to MM. She even emailed him on our honeymoon how much she missed him.
She rug swept him of course and said JUST FRIENDs. I'm not an idiot.
I wanted the exact same thing from my ex-wife. I wanted closure. I wanted to know why the hell was she having an affair with her college classmate. I wished she would come home and tell me how wrong she was, ask for forgiveness. I got nothing.
In retrospect, it was better that way. That way you aren't strung along with False R over and over again. Eventually, you will reach the point of out of sight, out of mind.
But is she really damaged? This is what I keep fighting with. Yes there was an affair, but was I somehow responsible? Or did the affair cause our demise?
I keep feeling that if only I was good enough in some respect this wouldn't have happened. We both truly felt that we were supposed to have met and mutuly felt the other was "the one".
I do have some good qualities, but maybe if I had been more affectionate etc.
Was the affair the reason or just collateral damage? Yes she could've broken things off prior to an affair but where would she have gone? It's a small town and her well paying job is here. She felt trapped. Everything I read says crappy relationships cause affairs, but sometimes don't affairs cause crappy marriages? Posted via Mobile Device
Look, Dude, I'm not a mental health professional, but reading your threads I can say with confidence that (a) your ex-wife probably has a mental illness/ personality disorder and/or (b) is a fvcking despicable person.
Don't cause yourself anymore pain. You've already had enough of that. Time to stop agonizing over someone who did not deserve you.
i never got any closure heck i never got an im sorry for cheating. the closest thing i got was my XWwas talking to my wife and told my wife "yep cheating on him was the biggest mistake i made in my life" my wife "thank god you did he is the best thing to ever happen to me"
i never got any closure heck i never got an im sorry for cheating. the closest thing i got was my XWwas talking to my wife and told my wife "yep cheating on him was the biggest mistake i made in my life" my wife "thank god you did he is the best thing to ever happen to me"
Thanks happy man. That's what I needed to hear and need to focus on.
The fact she said "there's something wrong with ME" speaks volumes. My interpretation is "I lack boundaries and cheat"
She told me from day one she had low self esteem. Also that she had numerous onss in her past.
When we first started out, she told me that prior to meeting me she never wanted to be married. After meeting me etc she "now knows what it feels like to want to be married". I think originally I was her white knight, saving her from a miserable single life due to not be able to be committed. Then her true self took over again.
She told me at dday that her counselor told her to make a list of traits she wanted in her mate. I believe the counselor probably thinks the issue is ex wife's not finding the right guy yet, when really the issue goes deeper. Absolutely not boasting but I've been told I'm an incredible catch. And there was no emotional or physical abuse of any kind. In fact I really can't figure out what it was that I lacked in the relationship. Posted via Mobile Device
And if her counselor told her that she has not found the right "one" that will keep her in a committed relationship well I really feel sorry for your ex now.
Because she will keep looking forever, she will keep cheating and having one night stands.
hopefully your ex will fix herself.
She did say "I have a problem. It's me."
At least she knows that.
Now you need to let her go so you can have the life you deserve.
Good luck finding the "one". They are out there. I speak from experience.....
Tryingtobreath, you XW was cheating on you during your engagement, she married you while she had another man elsewere, she was cheating on you honeymoon... there's no excuse, no one can accept any blame for this.
Them she chose the cowards way, to move away in order to just not deal with it, with herself.
She will never stop cheating. Ever.
Please, her ways have no reflexion on you. Zero.
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