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Trying to stop my wifes affair an save my marriage

66K views 270 replies 56 participants last post by  The bishop 
#1 ·
I have been married 14 years to my wife and best friend. We have had the usual problems finances shared houhold duties etc. we have always has a great sex life which has resulted in 3 beutiful boys. We have always been open and honest and maybe to a fault. Here is where the problem has come from, as i said we have always had a great sexlife so one night we were talking and she told me she had always wanted a threeaome with another man. Recently we went on a work/vacation trip and like an idiot i suggesdted this was the perfect chance for it. So we posted onCL but had no luck, when we got home she posted on our localCL and after a few replies picked out the lucky guy. We set a date foe a few weekends later the next weekend i had some training for Cub Scouts when i returned home on sunday i found out they had been talking all weekend. Now it has turned into an affair they have met for sex and she constantly talks to him via facebook, email and phone when im not around. I want this to end and save my marriage i love my wife and am not ready or willing to throw away 14 years over this she says she still loves me and isnt sure what she wants any advice would be greatfuly welcome
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#132 ·
You probably won't get this in time, but here's the thing: If you do tell your inlaws you simply tell them the truth from beginning to end. She wanted and asked for a 3-some. You gave in and said okay. She got in touch with someone and started this affair.

Get ready for a tough road though, cuz you'll be talking to HER parents. No matter what, blood is gonna stand behind blood. They may be unhappy, but don't think they're gonna be your "friends" through this. Your WIFE needs to be the one to get them to the table in that regard. They need to hear it from her.
 
#149 ·
You need more not less honesty in your marriage, why would you tell her parents not to let her know that you told them? The whole point of telling them is so that they can support you in making sure that she stops cheating; which they cannot do if they cannot even admit that they know. Also, they are her parents, she has a right to know. Besides they will eventually tell her that they know. Tell her parents that you will tell her yourself and that it is OK for them to admit that they know. Be prepared for her to be mad no matter how you handle this. Tell her that you told them the whole truth including the parts that makes you look bad, and that you did it to have them help you protect the marraige.
 
#139 ·
So you told her parents not to tell her you told them??? why?

Your wife needs to feel the consequences of what she did...the affair needs to lose it's luster and having her parents s*** on her is a great start to that.

Don't forget to get a VAR for her car & house and keylogger on the computer...and decide ahead of time what you'll do if she is still in touch with the OM...oops, I meant the POSOM....
 
#144 ·
They are gonna tell her they know and that the put 2&2 together they were already suspicious, her dad even asked her and she lied and told him no. Her mom is torn up about it. They cant believe im willing to work it out. I told them its because i still love her and my marriage and kids are very important to me. I told them im not quite ready to throw 14 good years away for a couple of bad months and some poor decision making by both of us
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#141 ·
I was honestly surprised at their reaction i got less wtf were u thinking out of them than i have on here they put almost all of it on her
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Sorry, man...that gave me a good laugh. Luckily, I didn't spill any of my Jack!

Truth is, she is the one who asked for it. You...knucklehead...gave in and said okay without fully researching what "swinging" was going to entail. I'm glad they saw what a lot of us here saw in your wife. Now, you have a second set of eyes on her. That is exactly what you need. I will however always caution - they are HER parents. Don't think they will "take your side" in everything.
 
#143 ·
Ed you owned it like a man how could they lay it on you. Now go have some hysterical bonding tonight.:D
Oh...you're gonna tick off a lot of posters with that comment, Tom!! LMAO

Ed...I'll do some hysterical bonding for you tonight. Just go...I don't know - watch Twilight or something :rofl:
 
#151 ·
I dont and it really doesnt make much of a differnce to me as long as it stays stopped. Right now her credibility with me is s**t with me so i take everything with a grain of saltbut she did give up all passwords to all accounts ( that i know of) and called him in front of me to tell him its over so there we are right now
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#156 ·
Edward, you began this as a possibly joint sex adventure.

What you found out was your wife had no interest in you being involved. That you were no longer a priority to her sexually as a lover or a partner.

Each time for the next many months you need to look back and realize where you are as a priority to her and know you are not priority #1, and you are not her go to person for physical intimacy,

You must be vigilant and watchful of her because she will most likely watch where you are watching her and seek a way to bypass you to get with the scumbag.
 
#165 ·
As the posting states save my marriage i do not believe divorce has to be the answer to a problem marriage with the proper counseling and work. My parents slit up twice when my dad cheated they are still married today. Im willing to do what ever it takes to protect my children from the trauma of divorce
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#166 ·
The problem with "hanging in there for the kids" is that being in a household with parents that should get divorced is worse being in a household where they are divorced. Besides, it typically a cop out. Too many time I've seen men make the "staying for the kids" claim only to work jobs that kept them away most of the time. And if the truth were know, its usually the woman that ends a relationship.
 
#172 ·
That last page was a bit weird. A lot!

Read over it again with the assumption that five guys is 5 men. And that you have never ever heard of an eatery called five guys!

.....what was really disconcerting was turnera saying how great 5 guys is (WTF???!!!!) and then 3putt salivating! (double, triple WTF!!!!)

My mind was boggling!
 
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