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Trying to stop my wifes affair an save my marriage

66K views 270 replies 56 participants last post by  The bishop 
#1 ·
I have been married 14 years to my wife and best friend. We have had the usual problems finances shared houhold duties etc. we have always has a great sex life which has resulted in 3 beutiful boys. We have always been open and honest and maybe to a fault. Here is where the problem has come from, as i said we have always had a great sexlife so one night we were talking and she told me she had always wanted a threeaome with another man. Recently we went on a work/vacation trip and like an idiot i suggesdted this was the perfect chance for it. So we posted onCL but had no luck, when we got home she posted on our localCL and after a few replies picked out the lucky guy. We set a date foe a few weekends later the next weekend i had some training for Cub Scouts when i returned home on sunday i found out they had been talking all weekend. Now it has turned into an affair they have met for sex and she constantly talks to him via facebook, email and phone when im not around. I want this to end and save my marriage i love my wife and am not ready or willing to throw away 14 years over this she says she still loves me and isnt sure what she wants any advice would be greatfuly welcome
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#232 ·
And did you check she was where she said the other night?

Have you VAR'd the car yet? Are you going down that route? I would strongly suggest you do. And DO NOT feel guilty. She has produced this situation with her own doing. Not you!

Has she come home yet?
 
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#266 ·
So she didn't stop cheating because you confronted her. She stopped having sex with the OM because he was cheating on her.

So basically your cheating wife has higher expectations and consequences for the OM than you have for your own wife!

Seriously think hard about this. Your wife thinks that hard consequences are due for cheating, you are giving her basically a pass and letting her call the shots, like staying at the friends and contacting the OM.

I hope you see just how little she worries about loosing you, ZERO is his much she worries about you!

Btw, she and the OM will make up soon and plan another hook up.

The only person who is cut off from sex and intimacy is you at the moment. You really need to step up to the plate and deal with her.
 
#269 ·
Sorry man. Nothing of this sounds good. She's totally removed from you, emotionaly, sexually.

That's why she used you, asked your permission to introduce "strange" into her life. As many already told you she didn't want to spice things up in the marriage, she wanted strange.

That's why she hooked up so fast and deep with this particular OM. The fact she "ended it" (at least or now) with OM becasue he cheated on her only makes the above conclusion even more evident. Your pain, the responability towards her children had zero relevance in her dicision.

She's totaly clueless about her marriage ending, the exposure to her parents only made her "embarrased", no earth shattering experience here, not enough to face the mirror and experience the "WTF i was thinking, who I am, who I become". No rethinking the path she chose, not even particulary grateful about the fact she still can have the marriage with all wich comes with it. I see no remorse. Not a trace. On the contrary. She even seems to give a sh!t once is all there in the open.

I'm sorry man but I think she's so determined that is only a matter of time she seeks a new OM to replace the recent dissapointment. Only a matter of time. She sounds too far gone from the marriage, from you. It can by using again CL or through a GNO (she won't sacrifice enythying, I'm rather sure about it), FB, Ashl_yMad_son, whatever, the possibilities are endless.

I'm not sure the potential for this to change. Obviously being so sure you will be there no matter what doesn't help. I honestly believe that you need to allow ourself to think the chances of divorce are high, prepare yourself for this possibility, therefore you need to distance yourself a little, watch from afar and meanwhile be selfish, take care of yourself and plan a new life whether it involves her or not.
To be honest I believe talking to a lawyer and even filing is a must. Unless she sees with her eyes you are more than willing to move on without her I can't see a way she will chalenge her recent mindset nad behavior. Unless she sees you moving on from her toxicity she will walk over you again sooner than later.
 
#271 ·
You may still love her and want to stay married to her.... but she would rather be ****ing others, and if all possible, which it is because your weak, keep you along to keep a roof over her head and watch the kids as she has her fun WITHOUT YOU.

Hey if you love her and don't want to divorce her, don't..... if you want her to love you again and not treat you like Plan B, the roomate, then you better start being attractive and stop acting so weak. The others here have told you how.... yet, your to scared to do it.

Hope your enjoying living in limbo with a sick feeling in your stomach.
 
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