That will be impossible. I'm not being smart about this T and I take your point but I have got to get some action. Thankfully I'm not into pros, couldn't afford it anyway. I don't like online F/Buddy stuff either - guess I'll just have to pray or something.
It's bizarre - my WS wants to stick with me but she can't connect with me physically (and yes, we know why, it's well documented - she's just not into me). The whole shebang is dead in the water.
And yet some months ago she talked about having demons and issues with men and "we're getting close" etc - these things blocking re-connection along with my inability to "get over it".
She wants to be with me and - oh boy, here's another line for that thread about quotes you don't want to hear anymore - drum roll.... "I chose you".
After having her bit of fun she chose me! She saw her sordid betrayal to it's natural conclusion (until it might have started up again and who knows, may well again) and then chose me. She doesn't see any hole in that claim
I digress, the point is that if you had these issues blocking you having the Recon you want why wouldn't you be working on that?
You and I know the reason but not my WS.
Onward and upward.
I have followed your thread all along, but if I get something wrong please forgive me, because I'm going from memory, and I'm low thyroid ATM so it my not be pretty, ha ha.
Here is what has been on my mind for a few days now.
I just want to say that I am in no way excusing her cheating.
As I recall you were a hard person to live with because of your depression. That kind of situation dries a woman up from the inside. I had been thinking of your wife as in the wrong but lately I see her and your marriage as damaged by more than the affair.
Let me explain what I mean. To her the (can I say) "past" Horizon is still very much in the present.
Is it possible that she does regret her affair and wants to be committed to you, but the needy draining Horizon is just hard for her to continue to prop up.
Some times her attitude does seem harsh, but maybe it is all she has left emotionally ATM. her tank is empty.
If this is the case the appropriate response on your part is not anger, but to truly work on Horizon, do what you said in your previous post, get counseling, take you meds etc, become an energy giver and not an energy taker.
I don't have boots on the ground so this could be off.
But doing the 180 so that she will seek you could be the wrong approach, it just seems like a relief for her to be free of the burden.
Don't hold that against her if it has taken a lot out of her, she is only human, I do think sometimes you have to put the affair in perspective and work on yourself and your marriage to raise the level of a reconciliation, when the relationship was hobbled in the first place. This I know is close to TAM heresy.
Can you be more patient, work on you and be someone that is fun to be with for her. Do you remember what it was like in the beginning, a phone call, holding hands, just being together were all amazing, don't be needy but try to enjoy what she is able to give, and work on being someone that she can enjoy too.
I think this is going to take some time and work. Are you willing to do that?
I think that your current approach is to her a bit like trying to hug a porcupine in a mine field.
Just consider it, if it's off I'm sorry, maybe some of our fellow posters can make some adjustments to it.