05-02-2013, 08:37 AM
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Portland, OR
| | Re: Don't know what to do for the best
Originally Posted by Monkeynut
I found out my husband had a one night stand in December after contacting the woman myself because I just knew something wasn't right with him, I saw a missed call on his phone from this woman and called her myself. She was shocked to find out he was married so I had no issues with her she didn't know so my issues where with him. After talking for a few weeks we decided to try and make ago of things. I was finding it so hard to trust him again and ended up breaking down to a woman I thought was a friend, what I didn't know was she has had a crush on my husband for years and she took full advantage of how weak our marriage is. Every time she came over to talk she would tell me he has made no effort at all, I can do better and I should start putting my foot down. I didn't realize at the time but by the time she had left I was angry with my husband and he wasn't even at home. When he then got back from work I would scream and shout at him he would storm out and guess who was there for him to have a shoulder to cry on... after about a month of me and my husband getting no where she confessed undying love for him. Thankfully he just walked away, she didn't come round for days and I kept asking him to call her and ask if I had done something to upset her but then he told me what happened. I don't know why I am angry at my husband for not telling me straight away but I am. I feel like because a few people know about his infidelity it is now doomed to fail. I am scared she will not give up so easily and is that all there is to the story or did more happen. I am so angry one minuet and so down the next, I have work and a child to look after, I don't look forward to leaving the house in case i break down in the street. And worst of all I don't know if I love my husband anymore, I just don't know what to do and I have no one, I don't trust my friends anymore to confide in them and I don't have family just my husband and his family.
Wow. With friends like that who needs enemies.
Well, let's start with your husband. The ONS is unforgivable. It's a sign of zero respect or love for you, your child and the marriage. So it's natural to wonder if you can still love him after all this. In addition, when there's problems at home he goes to his best guy friend to talk about it? NOT! He goes to another woman. Now granted he seems to not reciprocate her love for him but it's his mindset that concerns me- "Hmmmm, I seduced another woman and had sex with her and now my wife can't get over it as easily as I can. Why the hell not? Maybe I should go talk to a counselor- naw. Maybe my best guy friend- naw. I know, I'll go seek out the company of another woman. What harm can there be in that?"
You have every damn right to have no respect, love, trust or faith in him now.
After reading your story I suggest a 90 day separation. During this time go to counseling individually as well as together. Get out of the betrayal fog and make a clear decision for how you want your life to move forward. Have custody of your kid as well. I know it's hard, but it's necessary. He will have to prove to you his genuine contriteness and humility for his actions and how he can further prove his love and respect for you and the marriage and how he will be accountable every single day the rest of his life. If he cannot, then you will have to accept the fact you married a total loser and go forward and be happy about it. I mean, you can't get any more miserable. And trust an old man, there are much happier days ahead.