Re: A Change in Attitude during your R
As a BS for me the hardest part of the entire process was actually understanding that I had to be fully committed to losing my partner, marriage, and everything else, in order to have any meaningful chance to actually salvage it, and rebuild it to be stronger. Consulting with a D attorney and being ready to file was the hardest thing I ever had to face and do. When my fWS learned about how far along I was in the process of D, it really shook her to the core, and galvanized in her how real the situation really was. I think that the entire process of seeing the attorney was the most meaningful foothold I got on saving my marriage. The effect was two fold. One, it helped me come to terms with the fact that life had to, and would go on without her in it, and that in order to have any type of self respect left after the dust settled I had to act accordingly, sending a message to my then WS that I had self worth and value, and shouldn't be flippantly dismissed.
As others have pointed out, her defensiveness reeks of rug sweeping, and should not be tolerated. Explain to her that it is up to her to understand what it is you are going through. Tell her you will help, by pointing her to the right texts/websites, but she has to do the legwork and learn what it will take to help you heal, and how her defensiveness will simply derail all efforts to R.