I am 13 years married with two kids. We have had our ups and downs and in particular very big downs with my wife having a major back op and us caring for terminally ill dad. I know we have had some challenges in our relationship but seemingly it is often that it comes over that I am not listening or nagging me to do practical stuff. I go into by cave when under lots of pressure. I know I need to improve.
The bomb shell his last month after 3 months of really trying support my wife through her operation I was just getting no response and infact she was pretty much giving absent from the relationship.
I broke down one night through the pressure of everything as I had been looking after her and the kids and holding down a job. In fact two jobs. She said she loved me but did not feel in love. I argued that this feeling is not going to be as strong and love is very much a doing word. I tried to convince her to go to counselling and she reluctantly did. Along side this she was late coming to bed I thought she could not sleep due to the back. Then when she was well enough she started going out late to 3am with friends. Then there was the new lingerie and the phone constant usage and high bill. Anyway I discovered in the end she was having very intimate chats with my sons soccer coach who I had considered a friend. I confronted her and she stormed out then return with the coach midnight trying to explain it was all silliness. He admitted kissing her on several occasions and it was clear that they were trying to play it down. I should add the week after she told me this she went away for two nights to get some space apparently alone.
I was due to travel a week later for a months work abroad and some of the messages suggested that they should get together whilst I was away. He is married.
She said she wants us to sort things out but seems pretty reluctant to admit it was an affair
she wants me to allow my son to play for this team still and blames me for saying I need this guy to be shut out of our family. I rationalise that my son will find new friends in time and a stabe family is more important.
She says I am to blame as she feels this way. I say that I am 0% to blame for her chosing this path and 50% responsible for the marriage issues.
She says she is trying yet thinks she has not got the feeling and that she needs this to progress. she then does not want to talk about anything until the councilling yet when we are there she cannot think of things that she think can be worked on.
It is so frustrating. I kind of feel like I am doing the work to convince her. Do you think I should back off and wait for her. Its chewing me up inside. I really love her but I have such pain my dignity is gone and two close friends have abused my trust.
The bomb shell his last month after 3 months of really trying support my wife through her operation I was just getting no response and infact she was pretty much giving absent from the relationship.
I broke down one night through the pressure of everything as I had been looking after her and the kids and holding down a job. In fact two jobs. She said she loved me but did not feel in love. I argued that this feeling is not going to be as strong and love is very much a doing word. I tried to convince her to go to counselling and she reluctantly did. Along side this she was late coming to bed I thought she could not sleep due to the back. Then when she was well enough she started going out late to 3am with friends. Then there was the new lingerie and the phone constant usage and high bill. Anyway I discovered in the end she was having very intimate chats with my sons soccer coach who I had considered a friend. I confronted her and she stormed out then return with the coach midnight trying to explain it was all silliness. He admitted kissing her on several occasions and it was clear that they were trying to play it down. I should add the week after she told me this she went away for two nights to get some space apparently alone.
I was due to travel a week later for a months work abroad and some of the messages suggested that they should get together whilst I was away. He is married.
She said she wants us to sort things out but seems pretty reluctant to admit it was an affair
she wants me to allow my son to play for this team still and blames me for saying I need this guy to be shut out of our family. I rationalise that my son will find new friends in time and a stabe family is more important.
She says I am to blame as she feels this way. I say that I am 0% to blame for her chosing this path and 50% responsible for the marriage issues.
She says she is trying yet thinks she has not got the feeling and that she needs this to progress. she then does not want to talk about anything until the councilling yet when we are there she cannot think of things that she think can be worked on.
It is so frustrating. I kind of feel like I am doing the work to convince her. Do you think I should back off and wait for her. Its chewing me up inside. I really love her but I have such pain my dignity is gone and two close friends have abused my trust.