You are a child. You had suspicions and you let your father know. Your involvement at that point should have ended. This is your parent's marriage, not yours. Frankly how they decide to handle a possible affair is none of your business. While you are affected by your parent's marital status it is NOT your marriage. You have crossed so many lines, so many boundaries, and it's horrendous that your father is allowing you to wade knee deep in his marital problems with your mother.
There is something very sick about the adults on this site who are encouraging you, a child, to spy on your mother and become a little affair sniffing Nancy Drew. It is neither appropriate nor right for you to be taking up this position. Currently you seem surrounded by some rather dysfunctional adults and that pattern is being emulated on this board. Some of the posters here are so embittered about their own destructive history with infidelity that they are ignoring that you are a CHILD and encouraging you to act in ways that are reprehensible. There are people here who are not looking out for YOUR best interest but are instead vigilantes focusing on outing every affair possible, regardless of the cost, even if it means egging on a child to do so.
You need to butt out of your parent's marriage and you need to move on with your teenage life. You need to stop. You can not see it now but this kind of behavior is likely to have detrimental effects on your relationship with your mother AND father for many years to come, regardless of what happens to their marriage.
Thanks for the advice. You don't have kids, do you? The only reason I ask is that you only seem to be able to think like a husband. When a couple decides to have children, I think it's pertinent to put the family first. By that I don't mean that marriage should be put on the back burner and kids should be given free reign to do whatever they want so long as they stay happy - what I mean is that the family is a whole, it's one, and so in saying that I don't think you can conceptualize it in a way that makes its components black and white. You have got to be joking if you believe that kids don't have any business in what their parents do. Marriage is a sub-category to family life, and though infidelity certainly effects marriage, it also effects the family as a whole, and in that sense I don't get how it's not the whole family's business. There's detrimental behavior being exhibited here by the people who are supposed to be 'in control' of the family, that's obvious. Frankly, the idea that children shouldn't be involved in a marital riff when it directly effects them is an archaic and ageist thought. The problem that's occurring now is so evident that even a 13-year old girl (my sister) is picking up on things, so no, I have no right to try to root out a problem just because I'm a "child" and should expect that my parents will handle things in the best way, as they've CERTAINLY been doing so far (sarcasm). I'm not my parents' nosy neighbor, I'm their daughter, and what they're doing is getting to me and their youngest, and if they can't find a way to handle sh*t, then I will. The fact that you've judged my parents as "dysfunctional adults" says a lot about that.
About me being a "child," I don't know what context you're using to label me as such, but to be frank, it's annoying. Physically, as an 18-year old, I don't know anyone who would categorize me as a "child." Emotionally, I don't think you know me well enough to judge me in such a fashion either. I'm 18, and I'll be going to college next fall, living away from my parents; my teenage years are over. I'm not trying to be older than I am, nor am I trying to take on responsibilities undue to me. But at the same time, I know that I'm NOT going to sit around and acting hapless, sucking my thumb while strangers call me a child. No, whatever is going on with my mom is screwing with our
family, and no matter how dismissive you want to be of a "child," it is
my right to be able to protect that.