I told him tonight that we are done

raising5boyz · 09-06-2009, 11:57 PM

I'm done. It's time to move on. I don't see any other way through this mess.

It's such a long story, and I don't even have the energy to write about it all, so I'll just tell parts of it....Married 4 1/2 years. He cheated last year at this time. He emailed many many woman for sex...don't know if he's ever told me the whole truth. While seperated after the cheating, he accused me of being abusive to his children. NOT TRUE! We decided to reconcile, but I have been a rollercoaster of emotions the past 7 months since we have reconciled.

I just don't think this marriage is salvagable. We get along ok....I love him....he loves me. But I would be pretending if I said I was happy. Even at that, I am happy sometimes, but it is shortlived and mostly superficial.

I don't want to be the reason he doesn't see his kids. His ex is trying to make sure they can't come out here to visit. His family won't talk to him when he is with me....I don't want to be the cause of that either.

I will never trust him. I will never feel comfortable in the marriage. I will never feel that I am who he wants and that he loves me completely and unconditionally.

It just seems as though too much has happened and there is no way to repair it all.

I am lost and confused. I don't know what the "right" answer is. I do love him....I just don't think it's enough anymore.

iwillsurvive · 09-07-2009, 04:54 PM

I wish I had words for you to make it all better, but I don't. I'm here for you if you need ANYTHING. Please call if you do. Lots of hugs.

lindsayloo · 09-08-2009, 03:30 PM

i know how you feel almost exactly. my husband cheated on me when i was pregnant with our first child and i am still struggling with it because i caught him so how many other things has he done that i havent found out about? but that is not really the point.

the point is can you function without him? i mean are you going to regret this for the rest of your life if you dont try to make it work?

or have you spent way to much of your precious time on this earth trying to make it work and it still isnt?

the bottom line is if you have been trying and it isnt working then stop wasting your time cause the right person is out there and it obviously isnt him. and guys are not as afraid of single moms as they used to be.

but if you are wanting to try to make it work then do it and be committed to it. do your best to let go and if he screws up again then he is the one who messed up your marriage, thats not on you.

if you did decide to leave then know this.. it takes a very powerful woman to stick to her beliefs and hold onto what is right for her, no matter what that may be.

and love is never enough, it takes a lot more then that. i hope it works out for you, whichever way it goes.

preso · 09-08-2009, 03:51 PM

I hope ??? you made a good exit plan?
because making a good exit plan before telling him would make you ready...

and not just emotional.

I know you've been struggling with him for awhile... Would just like to see you be rid of him for good ! and not be delayed due to good exit planning.

If you can't trust him, believe me.. love will not hold it together and it really is over.
Find someone new !!! I did and let me tell you, its great ! none of those games or hassles...
I've found a new and improved man !

you can too... once you are less angry.

preso · 09-08-2009, 08:13 PM

You know people will tell you to be mature and walk away, but in my findings, bytch slapping my ex
on my way out the door.... did make me feel better.
Much better....
Just make sure no body sees you... because he deserves it as that would be a goodbye that just says it all...
put down your purse and slap him with both hands on both sides of his head real fast about 6 times.

was my way of saying adios you loser jerk moron
............ it was like it was for me.
No regrets here.

Wasn't until I was with my ex I learned how someone could come to really hate someone.

raising5boyz · 09-09-2009, 02:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kaylar

He's a master at this, you are the newbie. There are men
who have more lies per breath than air. And they have no
problem lying, and lying on top of lying.

That about sums up how I feel. I am too gulible...convinced too easily....want to believe the best in everyone....

I told him just the other day that I know I love him, but I think the love is for the man I thought he was before all of this happened. How can I really love someone that much who hurt me as bad as he did. I have no idea how people truly heal from affairs....and this one was bad!!! I mean it wasn't like he was put in a bad situation because of a job and ended up with feelings for someone he worked closely with....no....he sought it out....looked everywhere he could for sex....PAID FOR IT!!! Meanwhile I was home taking care of nine kids and waiting for my husband to come home form his "long, tiring day of work"! Makes me sick....seriously sick.

As for an exit plan....I have a job, and the ability to get my own place. That's more than when I left my first husband!

f'nidiotneedshelp · 09-10-2009, 10:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kaylar

You have to make your exit plan and go. This relationship
doesn't exist. This is the love of an image not a real person.
He's a guy with an ex...he's not 'new' to marriage. He knows
what is and is not acceptable.

He's a master at this, you are the newbie. There are men
who have more lies per breath than air. And they have no
problem lying, and lying on top of lying.

You can't trust him. The interesting thing would be why
the first marriage broke up.

The first marriage broke up because of my ex, she didn't clean, she didn't pay bills, she wasn't a good mother, she didn't keep herself clean, she was in need of an open relationship. I think these are ALL VERY GOOD reasons for the divorce. Plus the fact that raising5boyz and I fell in love with each other prior to BOTH of our divorces. OH YEAH she was married before too.... and from the way I understand it I am putting her through worse than he ever did, and he was abusive. Maybe everyone on here is correct. Maybe she is better off without me, I would like to think that you are all incorrect and that I can prove to her how much I love her and how much I care about her and her boys. I am happy here, I love her and the boys more than anything else in the world. Yeah it sounds like it may be over, I sure hope like hell that I can save it somehow. She is my life, my everything. Boy did I ever screw this up. The best person and the most important person in my life and I am worse than her first H wow... what a wake up call.... Time to really prove myself to her and NOW!!!!

Gomez · 09-11-2009, 05:12 AM

She is better off without you unless you can say why you did what you did and how you have changed your life and habits so it will never happen again. Just saying your sorry and she is important is not enough, things need to change. I dont know all the details but apparently things have not changed enough for her, there is still doubt inside and it is eating her soul. She is speaking from her heart, you need to as well even if it hurts.