I need someone to help me out here, we live together for 3 years now, not married...He answers to no one, he does what he wants...He is Puerto Rican, I am white..He has be catered to his whole life, an only child and spoiled rotten as a child...Both parents passed away. he is 39. he gambles away money like it is nothing. He does nothing around the house but pays the bills,nor does he respect when I clean. about 2 years ago I thought I saw him texting a girl at our poker game I asked him to come outside and show me his phone....he said he didnt have to. I left went home and told him I wanted him gone,that if he had nothing to hide he would of opened his phone a proved me wrong, he begged me to stay and I eventually gave in. about 6 months ago he tells me that when he was with his ex he had an affair and she is now claiming that she has his 5 yr old son but they lived in santo domingo and wasnt allowed in the states..2 weeks later I was shutting his phone off so he could sleep ans theres a text from this woman saying I still love you... from a local number..he woke up to me throwing the phone upside his head...he explains this to me and tells me to call her if I didnt believe him...this story end there and the son was not his...ok so I see him on Facebook sending a letter so I wait and figure out his password and I find a letter from another woman saying she would give him castles and blah blah blah...he again awakens to the laptop upside his head and he gives me the womans email and says do what I want hes done nothing wrong..Now I am this nuerotic person every time hes texting or on the computer....I hate who I am now and I hate being insecure..I started counceling last week and he is going to do this with me as well this was his idea..I am so tired of waking up a feeling like I am not secure in my own home..He stands by he has done nothing and Loves me with all his heart...but admits to being a selfish MF,and knows hes a slob, ohh and I found in his wallet when he was in purto rico a receipt in spanish for condoms and a male enhancement pills...he says it was one of his friends and he took the paper of the floor of his rental car and just put it in his wallet..now the only thing that saved him there was he doesnt take pills of any kind...nothing... he is allergic to so many things....So please tell me what u think here m/f both....I just want peace of mind thanks!!
I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but it appears that your husband is everything you have stated and more. You cannot change anyone, so your only real choices are to accept him as he is, or leave. Either way, it will be tough, though by leaving, you would eventually have peace of mind, which you said that you want. If you stay, be prepared for more of the same things that you have been dealing with. You didn't say, but I hope you don't have any children, as that would make things worse than they already are.
He is lying and manipulating you and you are letting him. I wish I could put it in nicer terms, but I can't. The condom and pills receipt? It was his hon, pure and simple. If he had found it, he would have balled it up and threw it away, not put it in his wallet. He is counting on the fact that he can play you, because he was rasied to think he never does wrong. He will tell you "just enough" to keep you hanging on, but he's not going to change, because he thinks he's entitled to act this way.
He is lying and manipulating you and you are letting him. I wish I could put it in nicer terms, but I can't. The condom and pills receipt? It was his hon, pure and simple. If he had found it, he would have balled it up and threw it away, not put it in his wallet. He is counting on the fact that he can play you, because he was rasied to think he never does wrong. He will tell you "just enough" to keep you hanging on, but he's not going to change, because he thinks he's entitled to act this way.
I know this...and thats why I am going to counseling cuz I dont know how to let this all go...If I could of left I would have, we run a business and he controls the money and he pays the bills..sometimes when I have free nights at the hotel casino I just pack and go for 2 days just to get away..No we dont have kids, not together anyways. I guess my game plan is to heal me and right now I just dont really give a **** what he does...I need to stop searching...he isnt going to change. my daughter is 25 I am 46...she tells me she thinks hes trying to change and she doesnt much care for him,but doesnt dislike him either. If I listed all the good qualities vs the bad ones, good days vs bad days, the bad would win..I hate being dependent on him and he thrives on it..I used to work for the first 2.5 years but hurt my knee in a car accident and still it hurts, not an excuse just the facts. Thats why I havent left...the reciept was in spanish and I transulsted it to english so I am sure what it was..did he do it who knows, but at least I thank god he thought enough to wear a condom. Do I think this person meant anything to him,no. I think its all a game...Like I tell him..I watch u spins ur bull**** all over the place,what makes me think I'm getting the truth..I am not in denial here. I am just lost pretty much as how to get enough money to leave...family cant help unless I move home..I dont want to leave my daughter and granddaughter (8 mths old) I feel like I should just use his ass till I can go...It seems like the last 2 months theres been a real effort on his part, but I cant let go of what has happend...thats the nutshell
I think he has you hooked in many ways....He isn't going to change and you know it...He know that there are far too many hot women around that are willing to pay his bills......This is life in this new world.....Too many women for too few men...
It seems like you know what you ought to do, and that is to leave him. But you also say, that you do not have the means to do so at the moment. If you think that you should stay just until you have the means to go without getting hurt or emotionally scared, then do it, but if not, i say take the plunge and leave now, money isn't worth the emotional hurt you're going to get. There id always a away. You seem like a smart strong woman. Ask help from your family if you have to, its just initially until you can set yourself up. trust me, when you do, you'll have a your peace of mind, and your independence and you can start all over again. without being reliant oon anyone.
I fooled around on my ex-wife and I can tell you it was purly physical, meant nothing. Not that I was right, not at all! But, if that is all he did and he really loves you, it can still work. But you need the counciling and it will be tough for him to change. Not so mcuh the cheating but the way he is treating you. Good luck, I know how hard it is.
I fooled around on my ex-wife and I can tell you it was purly physical, meant nothing. Not that I was right, not at all! But, if that is all he did and he really loves you, it can still work. But you need the counciling and it will be tough for him to change. Not so mcuh the cheating but the way he is treating you. Good luck, I know how hard it is.
i have to disagree with you chuck, because from what she wrote his actions don't imply a one of incident. and serial cheating can be very hurtful an damaging to the one being heated on. And besides, cheating is always a breach of love and trust, regardless of the cheaters reasons/excuses.
A one night stand is bad enough, in itself, and serial cheating is that much worse, as it indicates that it is a habit. That is a very difficult thing to change, if they even want to.
I agree serial cheating is very hard to stop. I am pretty much a "last chance person" meaning I tell them you have one last chance. No excuse works for any cheater, it is wrong and either must stop or the marriage is over.
I agree serial cheating is very hard to stop. I am pretty much a "last chance person" meaning I tell them you have one last chance. No excuse works for any cheater, it is wrong and either must stop or the marriage is over.
yes, its tough, but you have to be willing to take the consequences of your actions and take responsibility toward commitments.
OK where to begin...
