Re: Renewing wedding vows after infidelity
I've obsessed over things before, and it got me nowhere. I guess there is a reason my favorite saying is something along the lines of "insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results". We had been down the affair road before, and I DID obsess about it. It made my H feel like no matter WHAT he did, he would NEVER get past the typecast of adulterer. We did a lot of things wrong with that scenario...we learned nothing...and I mean NOTHING from it, which is probably why the second one happened. So, I took a totally different route this time. I did NOT question him about every gritty detail. All they served to do was hurt me more. Whatever happened, happened. I do not want to know the details. Thats how I learned to focus on the present, on things that CAN be changed.
Sure, if I see the nasty creature standing on the side of her street (I guess she can't talk to the drug dealers she associates with at her grandma's house) my first reaction is to give the car some gas and hit her, but she moved quickly the first time, and has not been stupid enough to make herself a target since then. I'm not perfect. I guess thats my trigger, seeing her. But thats even gotten to the point where it almost makes me laugh, because she is just so pathetic. Like COFL said, you actually get sick of thinking about it. It's mind over matter. Granted, none of this would be possible if my H was not doing the work on himself to make sure this did not happen again. If I had not seen real, heartfelt change in him, I think I would still be second guessing everything.