So I am still talking with the co worker and we basically told eachother that we done trust one and another alone! I am so ashamed that I am doing this and talking the way I am to him. But also not ashamed because of what he did. I am so lost. I really like this guy and love my husband or maybe i love him? I mean if you love someone why act that way?
I am writing this response to you from the perspective of someone who has been cheated on. All I can say to you is that if you think you love your husband AT ALL, then you owe him one of the following:
(a) if you think you still love him as your husband, then stop seeing that other guy immediately. I know that it's not always possible to change where you work, but please try and find some way to be around him as little as possible. Don't have any other contact with im at all- no phone, email, Facebook, chats, etc. Then tell your husband what happened, and why you think it happened. If he was doing something wrong, hurting you, neglecting your feelings or whatever, you at least owe him the chance to try and change . Try and find a good counselor- it may take a few attempts to find one that you both feel comfortable with. It will take a while, but it is ( ay least I hope it is) possible to repair this kind of dfamge. But prepare yourself for your husband's feelings of hurt, anger and betrayal. Please don't minimize his feelings, but try and talk about them.
(b) If you don't love him as your husband anymore and things are just not getting any better ( i.e.- if you can look at yourself in the mirror or look in your child's eyes ( if you have any children) and say " I gave it my best shot, and tried everything I could, but my marriage simply won't work"), the tell your husband and get a divorce BEFORE you start seeing someone else. It's cruel any other way.
I'm not trying to be judgmental of you, but I do know how much it hurts when your spouse cheats on you- it's horrible, and I'm sorry, but I don't car how much you think you are "in Love" with the other guy- nothing justifies hurting your husband like that. I'm sure that way deep down in your heart you know what the right thing to do is- so please do it ( as my friend put it one time " either s*%%t or get off the pot")
I am writing this response to you from the perspective of someone who has been cheated on. All I can say to you is that if you think you love your husband AT ALL, then you owe him one of the following:
(a) if you think you still love him as your husband, then stop seeing that other guy immediately. I know that it's not always possible to change where you work, but please try and find some way to be around him as little as possible. Don't have any other contact with im at all- no phone, email, Facebook, chats, etc. Then tell your husband what happened, and why you think it happened. If he was doing something wrong, hurting you, neglecting your feelings or whatever, you at least owe him the chance to try and change . Try and find a good counselor- it may take a few attempts to find one that you both feel comfortable with. It will take a while, but it is ( ay least I hope it is) possible to repair this kind of dfamge. But prepare yourself for your husband's feelings of hurt, anger and betrayal. Please don't minimize his feelings, but try and talk about them.
(b) If you don't love him as your husband anymore and things are just not getting any better ( i.e.- if you can look at yourself in the mirror or look in your child's eyes ( if you have any children) and say " I gave it my best shot, and tried everything I could, but my marriage simply won't work"), the tell your husband and get a divorce BEFORE you start seeing someone else. It's cruel any other way.
I'm not trying to be judgmental of you, but I do know how much it hurts when your spouse cheats on you- it's horrible, and I'm sorry, but I don't car how much you think you are "in Love" with the other guy- nothing justifies hurting your husband like that. I'm sure that way deep down in your heart you know what the right thing to do is- so please do it ( as my friend put it one time " either s*%%t or get off the pot")
So I am still talking with the co worker and we basically told eachother that we done trust one and another alone! I am so ashamed that I am doing this and talking the way I am to him. But also not ashamed because of what he did. I am so lost. I really like this guy and love my husband or maybe i love him? I mean if you love someone why act that way?
Allow me to inject a little reality. Sunflower, you were the one who started everything playing strip poker. And you also admitted to constantly flirting with other guys even in the presence of your husband. The whole time you were dealing with these issues b4, you were talking about sleeping with someone to get back at him for kissing your friend. Looks like you are just trying to justify your lust. Do me a favor. You love to show pictures of your precious little ones. Get out your family album and take a good look a who you're betraying along with your husband.
Gotta agree with InIt on this one. You know exactly what you are doing Sunflower, and i'm afraid once you go thru with it (because we all know you will, I've read and commented on your posts before), you're going to come back crying about how you made a horrible mistake and want your family back, or blah blah blah. You KNOW better, but you chose to do wrong anyhow. You're not ashamed dear...YOU are hooked on DRAMA. Is it really worth destroying your kids lives over?
Sunflower has low self-esteem and needs constant reminders that she's attractive or desirable. Her esteem is so low, she doesn't care how much she hurts her husband because as a matter of fact, the more it would hurt him, the larger the self-esteem boost. She needs him to hurt in order to feel good herself.
This is a person who needs help. But I wouldn't expect her to give up this guy. And if she did, she'd just find another one.
She does not want counsel. She wants an audience. I agree with dobo, but I just can't muster any sympathy or even empathy for someone who only cares about themselves.
And to quote to her one of her replies to ANOTHER poster... "karma is a b!tch." Sunflower may want to remember that....but I doubt she will.
Wow. That's good dobo- I must be like that too. Low self-esteem and needing constant reminders of my worthiness. Easy to say that though about someone. I haven't read sunflowers stuff, and it is quite strange to be talking about a potential affair next to pictures of your children. But.. well. In the throes of my own affair (I'm not married to my partner btw or have children with him- because he's not ready) sometimes when you think to yourself- "oh, it must be because I'm a fundamentally terrible person, or I have low self-esteem.." It almost justifies it. Not that I don't think I am, of course, I think I'm selfish, indulgent, deluded, unhappy, distressed and weak. And its just downright horrible place to be in.. I just don't know if its very constructive to say such things.. know what I mean? Unless, you're just venting your frustrations about "cheaters". I used to as well, I used to actually think- wouldn't it be a smart move if you could sue mistresses?! that'd stop the selfish b*&ches and then I became one myself = (
Also.. I'm not sure if sunflower feels the same but yeah karma is a b*tch and I think there's a part of you when you've got yourself into an indulgent place that you're aware that you deserve the punishment. Every bit of pain, physical or mental that comes my way at the moment, I feel I deserve. So karma doesn't scare, it could possibly help cancel out the guilt you feel at fulfilling whatever it is you feel so compelled to fulfill.
Maybe if you HAD read Sunflower's stuff, you WOULD understand the tone of the posts. If you are so sad that you have turned into a cheater, maybe you should talk to a counselor. It's better to do that, then take the easy way out and destroy lives because you cannot deal with your issues.
Sunflower has low self-esteem and needs constant reminders that she's attractive or desirable. Her esteem is so low, she doesn't care how much she hurts her husband because as a matter of fact, the more it would hurt him, the larger the self-esteem boost. She needs him to hurt in order to feel good herself.
This is a person who needs help. But I wouldn't expect her to give up this guy. And if she did, she'd just find another one.
Sad but true you are right. I have major self esteem issues and i think that I need to feel something good or bad just something. I am so dependant on ppl thinking I am attractive I guess I think thats what makes a person is looks? I think that growing up seeing all the attractive ppl getting everything and now thats what maybe I believe is that he thought I wasnt up to parr and I am consistantly needing to be assured I am.
Also I dont feel that I HAVE cheated and I know I started all of this. I ran into the ex friend today at the liquor store it was crazy like we didnt skip a beat well kidding. It was weird at first she wouldbt look me in the eye? But we started takling me talking more out of me with the nerves. But I do love my husband I think that I am just having a litle fun with some attention. But when it came down to even a kiss I really dont think that I can do that/
Hey Sunflower, my wife her best friend is 39. Always said she cheated to know she's still attracted by someone besides her husband. Anyway now they are getting divorced, both moving from a nice big family home into single condos as that's all they could afford independantly. One of the two kids is acting out in school and hitting other kids. All started with a kiss of a co-worker.
From following your posts since last year I think you need some counseling CBT therapy I think I can tell by your posts that possibly you are mentally hyper. You over think everything. You need to "defrag." Go sit on a beach and stare out into the water for 5 hours. Take up yoga and meditation, clear your mind clear your temple. Cut down on caffeine.
Shameless 
I dont think it can be said any better then this.
