Wife EA with lesbian woman
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Wife EA with lesbian woman

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 05-31-2013, 12:20 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Wife EA with lesbian woman

Hi,
My wife is telling me that she is "in love" with another woman who is a lesbian. Wife is 43, we have three girls. She claims that she is not sexually attracted to her, but they have been emotionally involved for a couple of years. I sort of let it slide all along not thinking that it would come to this, and trying to be understanding of my wife's need for female companionship. Most of their together time has been with a group of about 7 other women-Mom's of our kids friends. She loves her so much, she says.

She is currently in counseling as of a month ago, but I am not sure that the counselor is recommending that the marriage continue.

I am a great dad (and I thought husband), love our girls so much, and want them to be raised by me and my wife in a loving household.

I thought we had a great marriage until very recently, and I love my wife- although this is getting difficult to deal with.

Help!
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Old 05-31-2013, 01:14 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife EA with lesbian woman

How would your wife be acting if you told her that you are in love with another man? Would she be seemingly so accepting as you have been?

Would you being acting differently if she told you she was in love with another man? Don't be so sure that they have not been physical.
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Old 05-31-2013, 01:26 PM   #3 (permalink)
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It doubtful it hasn't gone physical if your wife is proclaiming her love for the other woman. She just doesn't want to admit she's turned it into a PA.
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Old 05-31-2013, 01:29 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Why do you think she is telling you this??
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Old 05-31-2013, 01:30 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Bob?
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Old 05-31-2013, 02:12 PM   #6 (permalink)
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No woman proclaim to her husband she's in love with someone else (no matter the gender) unless she already got a taste of the third part.
100 % garantee.
She's just pushing you to file.
It's what it is. She goes NC with this woman... or divorce.
Then, after she go past the withdrawal you can try to find out a way to give a shot at the marriage (of course she has her say too).
So the advice is the same given to any other betrayed spouse.
NC letter
Full transparence on comunication devices and whereabouts
Complete discosure, to your satistaction.
___ insert here any other of your bare minimum contidtion to stop you from filing divorce (STD tests, NC with toxic influences... IC, MC, you name it).

Just know you don't have a marriage. Knock her off the fence. Be very clear about everything.
BTW, IC, MC is a waste unless she's NC with OW. It's like going to AA mettings comlpetely drunk or with a bottle in the pocket.

Sorry man, it's what it is.
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Old 05-31-2013, 02:20 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife EA with lesbian woman

Does she also say she is not 'in love' with you? Even though the counselor might say the marriage shouldn't continue, what about your wife?

There's only two choices here. Divorce or NO CONTACT. Don't let yourself get strung along while she sorts through her feelings. Move decisively.
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Old 05-31-2013, 02:43 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Can you explain how your wife's "emotional affair" with NO sexual attraction is different than a close friend who she loves as a friend?

I guess what I'm getting at is that I would be skeptical of there being NO sexual attraction yet still have a romantic component that is implied by your wife telling you about her "EA."

My guess would be that your wife has become physically involved with other woman.
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Old 05-31-2013, 11:31 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Unlike men, women are sexually fluid, so you need to treat this just like an affair with a dude. Grow balls immediately and realize that it is physical. Women always say it's about emotions, but it's really about the cck, or in this case, the rug munching. (are there any women who still have rugs to munch?)

Get serious about working out, get rid of the gut (six pack now), change your clothes, hair, and trade your family wagon in on a single guy's ride. Better yet, get a Harley. Start going out after work and act like you're getting more pssy than she is. Jealousy will start to simmer. Act like you've completely replaced her with a new harem.

Start reading up on game and the Male Hierarchy. Women are sexually attracted by certain cues that trigger the limbic system (golden ratio). Learn to use that.
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Old 06-01-2013, 03:47 AM   #10 (permalink)
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It might not by physical Yet! But soon could be.
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