Let me give a little back ground. My husband is a recovering porn addict. He's been "sobber" for about 3 years now. However, he is sill trying to get control of his "wandering eye" and lust addiction. About a year ago, an attractive girl started working in the cube across from him at work. He developed a very close friendship with her and found her body to be "his type". He would find himself fantisizing about her all day at work. When he came home, he talked about her all the time! He knew all her favorite things. For example, we were in the store one day and he wandered to the coffee isle to see if they had her favorite coffee cause he wanted to try it. It's stuff like that ALL the time! I went to visit him for lunch one day and he sat there most of the time just checking her out (it was pretty obvious). I confronted him on it by saying she was wearing really tight clothes... his response was "she's wears clothes like that most of the time." Ugh! I eventually confronted him on his looking at her. She was moved to a different department the beginning of the year. He told me he had been working on focusing on me and not her. Lately, she has starting coming up in conversations again. He says things like "she said...." or "she went to where ever this weekend" or "I've got to tell her about that". He's apparently going out of his way to talk to her in the other office (it is in the same hall way, but still it's a different cubicle room)! He's never hidden his relationship with her, but I feel it is wrong for him to keep finding reasons to go talk to her, since he is attracted to her. How should I handle this?
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Re: Emotional Affair
This could either be an EA or an infatuation. Do they communicate outside of work? Which ever it is you need to make your concerns about it very clear. If this bothers you let him know. Don't be accusing just let him know how this makes you feel. Otherwise how are things between you and your husband as a married couple?
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Amp
Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.
This is a problem. He's done little to earn your trust in the past and now he's acting up with a real person. How would he feel if he were in your shoes?
As far as I know they do not communicate outside of work. They are friends on facebook, but that is all. Things have gotten much better in the last year as far as our marriage healing. So I do feel a little knit picky about complaining about this friendship, however it does really bother me mainly due to his strong attraction to her. I'm very happy in our marriage and he also seems to be happy, but this one situation I believe could cause more problems in the future.
Going on and on about someone else, a female that he looks at the way he looks at her is just plain wrong. You're not being nitpicky, IMO. He's just starting up a new bad habit. That he doesn't see what he is doing and how it makes you feel is the worst part of all. He's deluding himself that he can handle it.
Speaking from my own experience, I'm thinking at this point if a situation were to present itself where he could have some hands-on time with her.. he'd take it in a heartbeat.
And if they're Facebook friends, then they probably have communication (albiet online) after work.
Not to get personal with you, but I wonder how your love life is? Maybe he needs to be drained by you more often, if you get my drift. Again in my personal experience, I've found that a very satisfied man will not roam.
Emotional Affair
