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To block or not?

48K views 237 replies 50 participants last post by  weightlifter 
#1 ·
Last weekend I was headed out of town for a couple of days. I left on Friday and was going to come home on Sunday. My wife was glad I left to go out of town. I knew that there may be a reason I might come home on Saturday.

I call her on Saturday morning. She's nice and jolly. She asked me what time I'm coming home on Sunday. I felt a strange feeling in my gut. I ask her what are her plans for Sat. Night? She's says she's going to just sleep all afternoon and night. I decided to BLOCK. I told her I'm coming home. She blew a gasket. She says the house is not clean. She hasn't had a shower. And tells me I really need to stay another day. I left and got home 4 hrs later. She decided to take a shower get ready and go out to the game with her friends before I got there. She was pissed that I came home early. No sex for me that night.

My question to you BSs (like me) Should I have not told her and come home a little later to try to catch something maybe? Or was the block the right move on my part?
 
#60 ·
I know it's basicaly a theradjack. I resisted until know before asking, I didn't want to push you to disclose what you didn't want to.
I understand if you don't want to respond this but I believe it can possibly help us to put in to context your wife behavior.
What kind of mental issues are you talking about? Bipolar? Sex abuse related? Personality disorder traits?
 
#68 · (Edited)
I am not a BS. But if I thought there was something possibly going on I would have surprised her.

Now you actually know she lied to you. She went out. She can claim your coming home changed that but, how in the world is it ok for you to come home and for her to leave? NFW.
 
#76 ·
The VAR is a good first step but it you are still trying to figure out what is going on. GPS in the car and key logger on the computer. I would have told her I would be home on Sunday and sat at the corner to see if someone showed up or she left and then confronted.
 
#87 ·
OP, I am sorry you find yourself in this situation. It sucks. My heart goes out to you, because none of the things you are contemplating are easy, and in the middle of it all your gut is twisted, your head plays games with you and your heart hurts.

You're a smart guy though... this feeling, this problem will continue unless you take all the steps YOU ALREADY KNOW need to be taken. It's difficult, it's painful, even if the outcome is zip. But you know you have to take them. Might as well get on with it. A cowboy's work is never done.

God bless
 
#93 ·
There is evidence, though. The fact that you know in your gut and in your heart that a woman who is in love with her husband would be happy if he came home early...and yet your wife was mad at you for it....is your evidence.

Even if she didn't have something specific lined up (ie: an affair partner waiting to see her that night), she did at a minimum plan to go out and "have fun" without you that night, and to her (given her history), "have fun" means "cheating in some manner".

I hope you get some real evidence soon so you can just be done with this and hopefully find real, committed love someday.
 
#97 ·
Yeeeessss...

She is so scared of your consequences that she made up an event on the fly to make you feel abandoned and alone when you dared disrupt her lies. She deliberately stuck a (small) knife in. And no, she wasn't happy at all you were back. In fact....she was the opposite of happy. I would even accept 'meh' from the wife. But not the million excuses she had for you to stay away.

I can see her trembling now...
 
#98 ·
My question to you BSs (like me) Should I have not told her and come home a little later to try to catch something maybe? Or was the block the right move on my part?
IMO, you should have not told her and then came home to either find her F'ing another man in your house.

And if you came home and she wasn't there, you could have called as if you are still out of town and ask her what she is up to and catch her in the lie.
 
#100 ·
OP. Your gut is telling you something and you came here. That counts as TWO red flags.

RDMU came here with two red flags plus his gut. We know what happened there. You are at a similar level.

Anyway. IT is possible nothing is going on.. VAR, go away, and find out.
 
#101 ·
VAR is in home. As far as deleting texts you guys are nuts. This is 2013 she can delete a text without me knowing at anytime anywhere as long as I'm not with her. The bathroom was an analogous to everyday duties not privacy. Chill out. I'm looking and listening. I'm no rookie at this.
 
#103 ·
Not in car yet. But she spending 90% of her day in the house. Hardly ever in the Benz.
 
#111 ·
Just remember. With the wife Mr Brains is playing Mr clueless trustingdude.

BTW women talk in their cars more than home. Get that var going!

They also fvck in them. We have had more than our share.
 
#113 ·
Yes, but only do this if you "really" want the truth.

I have to agree with others here, that you seem to want her to stop what ever she is doing more than you want to actually know what she is doing, or has already done.

The life that you want to perceive you are having isn't the life that you have lived. Thus far anyway.
 
#125 ·
Epic Fail indeed.

Brains, I think you KNOW that you failed here, but were hoping we would tell you differently.

Otherwise, you would have asked your "block or not block" question BEFORE you took any action.

Instead, you did what you did, and wanted to feel better about it.

Sorry to disappoint you.

You know what you have. You have a wife who cheats. You've decided to live with it. Fine by me - it's not my life. But be prepared for countless "gut" feelings about her for the rest of your relationship. How you can live that way is beyond my comprehension. But you have your reaons, I suppose.
 
#130 ·
This is a trifle harsh. I think wife had her game plan which included a NICE LONG WEEKEND...but hubby came home early. He would (if he were normally suspicous and seeking the truth) be doing normal things like checking her for marks, strangely timed showers, crusty underwear etc.

I do not know how arrogant this woman is, but it is unlikely after that conversation that she is going to risk indulging in those activities with that level of (supposed) scrutiny.

So yes, I think he blocked her. BUT...she wouldn't allowe him a clean win, so she wandered off to display her independence and foul his 'win'.
 
#127 ·
I did the VAR thing. Heard the moans, load moans.

The reaction that your wife gave you was strange to say the least when you told her that you were coming home early. Not a normal reaction.

Your question in your OP was, "My question to you BSs (like me) Should I have not told her and come home a little later to try to catch something maybe? Or was the block the right move on my part? " I wish I had TAM years ago. I wish there was a way to go back in time because I would do just about everything differently. It seems like you are walking the road of denial. I did. Even with your eyes opened you are walking along that lonely road, hoping that what you suspect is not true. And I suspect you are doing this without realizing it. I would suggest that you go back and read what folks are writing here. Do the VAR thing.
 
#129 ·
I understand the fear. I felt it for a few minutes before I had DDay. You realize this could really be it and this marriage could be over. I did the same thing, blocking, but I do REGRET not monitoring their texts to see if they actually would have met.

Now, I am glad I blocked, but I have a job where I would have been able to go to "work," not go, show up before anything happened and confront before they met. So, I understand why you blocked, but you didn't she still went out. You say blocked, I say MOVED. Whatever she had planned was moved from your house.

You need to put your foot down and level actual consequences to her. She keeps doing these things, so I am going to assume, since you didn't answer, that these consequences are not set in stone.
 
#131 · (Edited)
She decided to take a shower get ready and go out to the game with her friends before I got there.
My question to you BSs (like me) Should I have not told her and come home a little later to try to catch something maybe? Or was the block the right move on my part?
Yeah, she had a "ball game" to go to OK, but it was an "away game" being played on another court ~ and in another bed!

And you're the BS here? I'd greatly be forced to say that you are free to come and go to your own home as you may choose. But had it been me however, I would choose to show up totally unannounced, if for no other reason than to see what might be "going on!"
 
#146 · (Edited)
I don't see it as bullying at all. I see it as just misguided, aimless shooting on your part. How I refer to a car that both me and wife drive is nonsense. I have many cars and many kids driving and everyone in my house refers to the auto they may drive at any point as its make. I think your grasping at straws. Non of such things have anything to do with my situation.
 
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