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To block or not?

48K views 237 replies 50 participants last post by  weightlifter 
#1 ·
Last weekend I was headed out of town for a couple of days. I left on Friday and was going to come home on Sunday. My wife was glad I left to go out of town. I knew that there may be a reason I might come home on Saturday.

I call her on Saturday morning. She's nice and jolly. She asked me what time I'm coming home on Sunday. I felt a strange feeling in my gut. I ask her what are her plans for Sat. Night? She's says she's going to just sleep all afternoon and night. I decided to BLOCK. I told her I'm coming home. She blew a gasket. She says the house is not clean. She hasn't had a shower. And tells me I really need to stay another day. I left and got home 4 hrs later. She decided to take a shower get ready and go out to the game with her friends before I got there. She was pissed that I came home early. No sex for me that night.

My question to you BSs (like me) Should I have not told her and come home a little later to try to catch something maybe? Or was the block the right move on my part?
 
#2 ·
IT depends on your conscience. It is a decision you have to make. If you really think something is going on you may have stopped it today just to be rescheduled later. Or she really didn't go to the game. I would try and contact her friend. See if she is really where she says she is. Otherwise I doubt if she planned her day out that she would just end everything because you came home. She probably just changed venues.
 
#4 ·
I thought about that. I think she went to the game just to spite me. Makes me wonder. I kept asking for the score, during the game, and she replied with the right answers.
 
#3 ·
Wait a second, your the BS and she was pissed because you called and came home sooner than she thought you would and wasn't there when you got home. Then she really had plans to go out with her friends but told you she was staying home and going to sleep all day do nothing that night? is that right?
 
#7 ·
I'm not sure what her real plans were. But yes. Was it the right move to block?
 
#28 ·
Now many of us are fully expecting this from being around sites like this one. Your right. And each action brings a greater disrespect and increase in entitlement. Stay if you like the drama, or unless you really are working it out and getting help in recovery. Otherwise as LostCPA points out, look for it to get even worse.
 
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#14 ·
Looks like the consensus is not to block and try to catch her in the act. Whether its innocent or not.
 
#16 ·
She was pissed I came home early. I still can't figure that out. I would think a wife would be glad to see her husband home early?
 
#19 ·
Going to get a couple VARs. I almost wish I find something. After all I've been through there would be very little pain. Mostly relief.
 
#23 ·
Made a mistake here Brains.

Rushing back like that under the circumstances you gave, makes you look paranoid, fearful, and weak BECAUSE you told her first.

If your alarm bells went off, you have just come home unannounced to see if your gut was right.

Now, you have no confirmation on your gut instincts at all AND a pissed off W who has probably lost respect for your after your panicked behavior.
 
#29 ·
Made a mistake here Brains.

Rushing back like that under the circumstances you gave, makes you look paranoid, fearful, and weak BECAUSE you told her first.

If your alarm bells went off, you have just come home unannounced to see if your gut was right.

Now, you have no confirmation on your gut instincts at all AND a pissed off W who has probably lost respect for your after your panicked behavior.
At this point, who cares if she's pissed off or lost respect...Brains needs to get pissed off here, right quick.

I agree that you shouldn't have told her you were coming home.

OP, you must not want to catch her...you just want to kockblock her? Don't tip your hand next time if you actually want to catch her...otherwise, she'll just deny and call you crazy.
 
#27 ·
Yes. I did let go for my kids. My kids are older now. If she is cheating again its a done deal.
 
#30 ·
You know it's just hard for me to believe. She's not nearly as attractive as she was during her last PA.
 
#33 ·
Definitely would set the stage to catch her in the act. It may be difficult to face, but you will, at least, be able to put all doubts aside and be able to move forward. Living in fear of what may be happening is much worse than dealing with what is happening. If you feel you have to block your wife and you seriously don't trust her, why continue putting yourself through this?
 
#39 ·
Make more plans to go out of town if you want a faster answer than waiting around.

Give her the opportunity to cheat and see if she will. I think that would give you your answer. Especially now with their plans ruined, W and OM (if there is one) are probably burning up because the party got canceled. This is when they make mistakes, when they can't wait.

Heck, VAR the house, make plans for friday, let her know and leave. Go visit a friend 2 hours away or something. Who care. Just make it in advance so she has plenty of time to co-ordinate with any potential APs. Let the VARs do their work and see what she says when you're away. Cut your trip short and come back. Unannounced. "I thought i'd surprise you with flowers honey!"


This situation warrants a follow up.

WWs and OM HAVE TO communicate to cheat. If she's cheating figure out how they're communicating.
 
#43 ·
Believe me I'm thinking about it. I'm going to be careful and coy. Not jumping to conclusions.
 
#44 ·
Sony VAR ICDPX312. Accept no less. 50 bucks a piece at Best Buy.

BTW if she brings him home stop listening before you hear her moaning with another man inside her. Knowing she is cheating will screw you up. hearing her do it will screw you up 100 times worse. have a trusted friend listen and give a transcript.

If you need noise clean up use audacity. Its free from the internet. It can do pretty good on some VAR work I have cleaned up for others.
 
#46 ·
Have you used a VAR in your situation? And did it confirm to you the results that you just knew could not be true?
 
#52 ·
I have read them. They are good. Not all my kids have left the nest yet.
 
#49 ·
You have blown your wad already. She will be suspicous.

So

Plan A: you plan three trips and you give a schedule of when you leave and return. You do NOT change your plans one iota. Figure the screwing she might do is the price you pay for not doing this right the first time. Leave VARs around, but don't change your schedule.

It's AFTER those trips that you suddenly have SOMEONE show up. Or you can leave nanny cams if you want to do something faster. She needs to feel secure again.

Plan B: You give her a nice new iPhone chock full of all kinds of aps...and a few for you too.

But the disingenuous way you are asking the questions makes me very much doubt that you really want to 'catch' her.
 
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#50 ·
She has a Galaxy V i think. I wish there were a way to get deleted messages from it. After her last EA she's a deleter. I busted her on Facebook last time and confronted the OM. That was about 3-4 years ago I think.
 
#53 ·
Ok, you did not do your avatar any justice there.

You wonder why I'm still married to her? It's not simple. She has diagnosed mental disorders. ( can't D in this state) She has told me on many occasions if I left she would bring women over. With my kids this was no option either. Now I have always gotten sex from her. It's not passionate but it's sex and its often.
Right now we own a medical software biz that's doing very very well.
My thoughts are... Who to say the next one would be any better. I'm happy enough. No money problems.
I tell you guys this so you can see there is light at the end of the tunnel. Even though the tunnel can be longer than you wish it to be. I am a better man through it all. I'm 49 and healthy.
Be smart next time if you intend to catch her. But if you are ok with a semi open marriage, that is your call. Why should she even change ?
What does she think would happen next time you catch her ? Does she think that you will dump her ?
 
#56 ·
I would block with a vengeance; it would border on stalking and confrontation. I would not make it easy for her or the OM. The end result would be she stops or she leaves me, but she is not entitled to do what she wants, when she wants (at least when it comes to this stuff). So block.
 
#63 ·
This was my thought process and why I blocked. I was in protect marriage mode.
 
#59 ·
He doesn't want to rock the boat, hence he doesn't enforce boundaries. He still feels that he is missing out on something but it isn't bothering him enough to actually be effective in his actions regarding his wife.

OP, you are both playing games, doing one upsmanship. That's nice on sitcoms...it isn't a very satisfactory life.
 
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