Roundtable

Had to edit D for invasion day not divorce, sorry. It has been 2 months since I confronted my wife about her EA. Things have been a rollercoaster to say the least. She has shown me how careless and hurtful she can be toward me and my feelings. We aren't even seperated or divorced yet, and she took my last name down, and her married status along with the picture of us on her facebook profile. That hurt. She wants the house on the market, which is supposed to be this week. We are still in the same house, she has been on the couch this whole time. We still talk, but I can see and hear that her feelings for me are shut off or gone all together. I am still amazed that after 12 years she can just turn her feelings for me off. I have been a loyal trusting loving husband to her and my 2 step children, and she makes me feel like I am the bad guy. I was not perfect, and I saw that I needed to make changes, and was before D day. I am trying to hold on and be strong. I keep a posative attitude, find things to do myself, and am hoping the house will not sell in this crappy market for some time. Maybe that will buy us time to see if our marriage can be saved. I have been reading any info I can on things I need to do to better myself, and hopefully she will realize what she is about to loose. This is so hard to endure. The past 2 months seem like 2 years. I want my wife back.

Deb1234

No one has a perfect marriage but aren't you supposed to talk over problems with your spouse and try to work them out before just giving up and looking elsewhere?!? How can people do that to someone that they (used to at least) love?? I just don't understand it and don't think I want to.

I'm sorry your wife is being stupid about this. My stupid husband has a friend who went through the same thing it sounds like, last year. He tried to get her to go to counseling or to do ANYTHING to work it out and she refused and just kept getting reassurance from her friends that she was doing the right thing. Well, they sold the house at a loss and divorced and about 2 months after the divorce was finalized she was asking him to start over again with her! He said no. Hopefully your wife will wake up before you guys get too far into that process.

Have you tried getting her to check out this website maybe?

foolz1

Roundtable, I understand your pain, and am sorry you have had to endure all this. No one is perfect, since we are only mortal human beings. I am sure you are aware, you cannot make someone love you. That is something everyone has to deal with in any relationship. If it was not meant to be, then it will likely end.

All you can do is have patience and decide what is best for you. The rest is out of your control, unfortunately. For now, you need to focus on yourself, and what you can control. (Obviously, it is yourself) If you have issues, deal with them first. Consult with a therapist, then determine if your marriage can be saved.

If it is worth it, hang in there, if not, work on your own issues, and move on into a better environment. I wish you the best!

Roundtable

Thanks ladies. I am holding on with a thread of hope. I am going to give her whatever space she needs, while working on making myself the man and person I can be proud of. I hope in time she will she what she is doing, and potentialy loosing. She is standing tough with her friends telling them it's over with no chance of reconciliation even if she realizes her mistake down the road. I think she is just so confused on top of going through a 39 year old's mid life crisis. But it might not be meant to be. Maybe over time, I will look back and see this as a blessing. She is not the same woman I married 6 years ago. Alot of friends and family are very disappointed with her recent actions.
As far as having her check this websitr, that would be seen as me trying to hold on, and everything I have read and learned lately says I need to let go for now and focus on me.