Why Women Have Secret Lovers
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 06-10-2013, 04:47 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Why Women Have Secret Lovers

I had to share this article here. Some of you need to read this..whether you're the woman thinking about an affair or the man suspecting his wife..i relate to it completely ...

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...-secret-lovers

Feeling stifled, unfulfilled, frustrated, and helpless in their marriages, they step outside of their marriages. Taking the step is in itself empowering. The affair is a daring active choice, not a more-of- the-same passive response. It screams out loudly “Enough! Something’s got to give, either the marriage or me.” That’s only the first step to autonomy and power. It takes a daring wife to have an affair but an even more daring wife to go into therapy to repair her self and/or the marriage.
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Old 06-10-2013, 07:31 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why Women Have Secret Lovers

Oh, Hayley... It takes a selfish wife to have an affair, and a loving, considerate, compassionate adult to recognize the danger and work on the marriage FIRST.
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Old 06-10-2013, 07:40 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Let me know your thoughts
asked Frances Cohen Praver, the author.

She really, really would not want to know my thoughts.
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http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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Old 06-10-2013, 07:45 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Oh, Hayley... It takes a selfish wife to have an affair, and a loving, considerate, compassionate adult to recognize the danger and work on the marriage FIRST.
As I sit here on the edge of falling into the arms of my OM, thank-you Mrs_Mathias for bringing me back.

As a WS I know I deserve the criticism, but sometimes as I sit here alone I doubt I have any good qualities and I needed to hear that.
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Old 06-10-2013, 08:22 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why Women Have Secret Lovers

We DO have good qualities. Unfortunately, our cheating overshadows most of those good qualities. Its our job to own up to what we did, put a stop to it, work to become a better person.
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Old 06-10-2013, 08:32 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why Women Have Secret Lovers

Hayley, please, don't try to rationalize your affair. I see this is your "first" post here... which means your previous thread was deleted by you or by mods. And, I believe it is probably because so many refused to tell you it was ok to feel how you do for your professor? Please, don't try to justify. I've been there, too. Believe us, the ones who have been there, when we say it only makes the problems you have NOW that much WORSE. Please, go to a counselor.
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Old 06-10-2013, 08:36 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why Women Have Secret Lovers

Looks like another Sarah Palin bashing story. If there was any truth to this story it would be every where. I know I'm only focusing on part of the story, but I am tired of conservatives being bashed and lied about.
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Old 06-10-2013, 09:11 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why Women Have Secret Lovers

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Originally Posted by Mrs_Mathias View Post
Oh, Hayley... It takes a selfish wife to have an affair, and a loving, considerate, compassionate adult to recognize the danger and work on the marriage FIRST.
I am far within the mark in saying no truer words were ever spoken.
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Old 06-10-2013, 09:16 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why Women Have Secret Lovers

Better title, why selfish women have secret lovers
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Old 06-10-2013, 09:33 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I'm so tired of these not every single possible need and desire was meet by the other partner so cheating was ok articles. No one can meet every need.and no one ever will meet every one of their partners desires. This I'd just a short article stenting to justify selfishness. No i want to kick someone...
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Old 06-10-2013, 09:35 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I'm so tired of these not every single possible need and desire was meet by the other partner so cheating was ok articles. No one can meet every need.and no one ever will meet every one of their partners desires. This I'd just a short article stenting to justify selfishness. No i want to kick someone...
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These articles are invariably written by someone who themselves is a cheater or a very close support of friends who cheat.
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Old 06-10-2013, 10:14 PM   #12 (permalink)
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As I sit here on the edge of falling into the arms of my OM, thank-you Mrs_Mathias for bringing me back.

As a WS I know I deserve the criticism, but sometimes as I sit here alone I doubt I have any good qualities and I needed to hear that.
The only one who does not think you have good qualities is you.

Your H married you for them.

Your OM knows you have them and is using them against you to get into your pants.

Let these good qualities come to the forefront again and become the true person you are. The A is never the good part of you.
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Old 06-11-2013, 01:04 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Maricha75 View Post
Hayley, please, don't try to rationalize your affair. I see this is your "first" post here... which means your previous thread was deleted by you or by mods. And, I believe it is probably because so many refused to tell you it was ok to feel how you do for your professor? Please, don't try to justify. I've been there, too. Believe us, the ones who have been there, when we say it only makes the problems you have NOW that much WORSE. Please, go to a counselor.
just to clarify i deleted my first thread because I got what I want from it. Which is sorting out my mind about why i fell in love with my professor and how i can stop an affair with him and how to fix my marriage...i'm proud of myself for taking these steps. I want to encourage other women to fix their marriage as well before letting their feelings for other men turn to affairs. Whether emotional or physical...by the way, what i think the article means about brave is not to encourage affairs but letting these women know they want change now and their attraction to other men is a sign they're taking actions to change their marriage..whether end it or fix it...

PS. Verbal trashing over the internet isn't really what directs me in my life
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Old 06-11-2013, 01:20 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why Women Have Secret Lovers

I don't read garbage. And isn't your husband still in the dark? How can you really grow and change when you still haven't told your husband?

Without him knowing it will only happen again as keeping secrets and not telling him whats going on is what got you where you are.
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Old 06-11-2013, 01:32 AM   #15 (permalink)
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@kasler i think telling him that im attracted to another man will just hurt his feelings. its not deciet. I won't let him know to avoid destroying our relationship even more. you know I read about marriage counseling to help you fix your marriage all by yourslef even if your spouse is unwilling.i can change and grow whether my husband plays a part in it or not.
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