no wonder he likes watching cheaters

noideato20 · 11-29-2009, 10:51 PM

I guess I will start my posts tomm under dealing with seperation and divorce. Or should I stay on this infidelity thing? I dont know the protocol. Do you keep your original post alive. All I know Is tomm is gonna be hard as he%%. Even though is moving in a direction other than stuck I still think the worst of the pain is still to come. Tomm is when I say yep he left you. Left you for another woman. Oh I can only imagine Im kidding myself if I think Im gonna be so relieved.
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noideato20 · 11-29-2009, 10:53 PM

Ps tweak so glad your wife is feeling better. Hope you guys had a great turkey day. So your a hunter?
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Tweak · 11-30-2009, 02:10 PM

Yeah I used to hunt ALOT.My son is 13 so I took him to his Grand Dad's for a little hunting over there.Not alot but a bit.

I find it hard to get back into it,there is alot of resentment towards my dad and by association hunting.

Divorced parents,workaholic father,he hunts alot,but has had me be the camp cleanup janitor in years past.Lots of resentment.Love to get back into it....maybe one day on my own terms.

Still love my guns and fishing,don't get out much due to back injuries but it is still there...the want to that is.

Tweak · 12-01-2009, 01:23 PM

How did it go,did you switch to the other place under dealing with separation and divorce?I will look there but just wanted to know if you got along ok?

noideato20 · 12-01-2009, 05:27 PM

No didnt switch places. He moved yest when I got home all his stuff was gone. Housekey on table. Felt ok last night. Really hurting today. Self esteem is taking a real beating tonight. I dont know that ive felt this bad in awhile. I know im gonna feel the pain though no way around it. I feel sorry for my kids. Im trying to be as normal as possible but instead of the runaway wife I feel like the thrown away wife.Aaaaarrrrgggg.
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Tweak · 12-01-2009, 06:04 PM

Don't beat yourself up.It really takes two to tango.He trespassed against you.You are faultless with his inability to keep it in his pants.
Instead of working on the marriage,he went elsewhere,mark my words,He will not change for a "new" woman.He will trip and fall.If he falls on his face,he may come running back,be prepared for that.Don't hold off finding someone else that could make you happy though,no need to punish your self by waiting on him.
In fact if you start dating,I don't mean right this minute or nothing,he will probably regret his choices.It seems to drive guys crazy to know their wives are "back on the Market" and not home upset and depressed over them.
Talk to your kids and explain the situation.Tell them you do not want to be alone and it would be unfair to you as a person for them to expect otherwise.When my mom and dad divorced,it seems like he was jumping around to every single gal in town.Mom had 2 TWO boyfriends after they divorced.They divorced when I was 10 I am 34 now,My mother passed away last year.She loved my Dad,she NEVER got over him.Thing is Mom and Dad BOTH ended up ALONE.Dad is still alive but by himself.

noideato20 · 12-02-2009, 01:58 PM

You know I must dense or something. He moved out monday. What I dont get is how you live with someone for eighteen years married seventeen and then just poof you dont talk to them at all. Its like I never exsisted. Maybe im just going through adjustment or withdrawls I dont know but I just dont understand how you can just shut off like that. Either he must be really really in love or he has been hating me for a long time. Not just since oct. Any thoughts or insight into that?
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Tweak · 12-03-2009, 12:20 PM

I do not know.
Maybe he has a mental problem or mid life crisis?Maybe he is not in his right mind because he is in Rut,like a Deer?

Maybe all three?Being sexually frustrated can make people (men and women alike) do some pretty strange things.
I know as a sufferer of OCD and Bipolar disorders,I have had impulses that would curl your hair.I was not in my right mind.
Did I act them out,not always.However it was still hard to live with the idea that I was not in total control.

Even if all of what I say is true,It is still NO excuse to cheat and do what he done to you.
You are a good person and deserve happiness.Put him behind you look to your future.Stand tall and proud you are the one who did not quit.There is someone out there that will sweep you off your feet,in the mean time,heal your heart and take your time.

Lots of smiles.

noideato20 · 01-01-2010, 10:14 AM

I was just reading over this old thread I started after I found out he was cheating. Here it is a new year and all the holidays are behind us. I really dont think I am progressing very well. I broke down and cried again this morning. I know I will be getting into divorce care after they start back and I hope that helps. All I can see now is lonliness and more trauma as the divorce word and discussion of it is gonna come up. I am so tired of feeling like my life is being carried along this path without any consent or consideration for what I want. I guess my husband told my 12 year old last night that he was sorry the year had ended in a tribulation but he would always be there for him ect ect.. and thats great for him. I just feel like it hasnt been a tribulation for my husband at all. I feel like he just wanted what he wanted when he wanted it and to heck with everyone else. I dont know anything right now except I see no emotional growth from myself at all right now and its been two and a half months since the I dont love u anymore speech. It just scares me that I feel like im not improving.
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Atholk · 01-01-2010, 10:44 AM

I don't know how much true help I can be Noideato. The obvious thing you have to do now is just accept that the relationship has failed even though you have not failed in your contribution to the relationship. Pull youself together, move on, and forge a new happy life for yourself.

And believe me when I say that I know those are easy easy words to write, and the actual task of doing that seems all but impossible in the middle of the pain and rejection you feel right now.

The sad truth is that we can't force other people to love us. We can make ourselves as attractive as we can in the hopes of influencing the situation, but it's not 100%. The emotional state you feel now though - pain, anxiety, rejected, lonely, abandoned, abused, angry - is actually a repulsive (as in opposite of attractive) emotional state. Put another way, why would your husband (or anyone) want to snuggle back up to someone experiencing all those emotions?

I'm not saying that if you flip the switch and magically transform into a zen master with sex appeal, that your husband is going to suddenly wake up and drop the OW and come running back to you. He's making some of his own choices here, and like I said before, you can't force someone to love you, you can only make yourself as attractive as you can be and influence the situation.

Whether your husband comes back or not is now somewhat irrelevant to the choices you need to make for you. Take a stand for you. Start exercising, dress nice, a little make up, smile, file for divorce, alimony and child support and/or whatever your lawyer advises, get control of the joint money. When you're ready to date again, date again.

Again - all easier said than done.

noideato20 · 01-01-2010, 03:14 PM

Atholk. Thankyou for your reply. I know all of its true. I dont even want to be with me now. I just keep thinking about the person I was before all this happened and Its hard to believe that I have let this happen. In other works I cant believe that I have let this destroy or almost destroy my self esteem and push down on my spirit the way it has. I guess I just have to keep on and do the things you were talking about but I must be riding against the wind right now because I feel exhausted. I hope the one thing I learn from this is not to lose myself in a situation again because thats how it feels like Im having to start from scratch and make a new me. I know it starts with acceptance. I guess at least today Im too tired to step up.
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