dobo

You may lose both of them but regain yourself.

Your marriage still trumps your affair in every way possible. So best of luck on this and do keep us up to date.

ainezsvulnod519

Dobo:

Just to provide you with an update. After much prayer I decided to write my wife a letter. I just returned from hand delivering it to her. She gave me freedom to speak with her for a few minutes and I appreciated that. She looks so much better than what she did when I first left. Her disposition was firm and she didn't seem too moved by my sincerity, but nevertheless, I am glad that I was able to speak with her. I was unable to print out the thread because it didn't capture all of the text so I directed her to the online forum so she can view it for herself. Some people out there might look at me like I'm the biggest idiot on the planet. I feel like I have nothing else to lose. I want my marriage and I want my wife and if looking like a fool is what it takes...so be it. I also understand that she is not the same person as a result of what I've done. My apologies and the letter I gave her may not amount to a hill of beans to her. I just want the lies to stop and I want to move on with my life and live it the way God has called me to.

Thanks for your continued prayers and as always...I will keep you posted.

Be Blessed!

ainezsvulnod519

Here is the latest:

It's been about a month since I reached out to my wife and let her know how I felt. We have been in contact periodically since then and things have been civil between us. She made it clear that she thought that I was just saying a bunch of words and that all she can look at is my actions. Since then she found out that she was being let go from her job and I have been helping her update her resume. This past weekend (during the snow storm) I went to her house to drop off copies of the completed resume and placed it in her door. The other woman was suspicious of my whereabouts and ended up calling my wife directly and found out that I had been recently speaking to her and I was helping her with updating her resume. She totally flipped out on me. Things got really ugly and violent once I got home and she ended up putting me out in the middle of the snow storm. Yes I did lie to the OW about where I was going when I dropped my wife's resume off, but I knew that she was insecure and threatened by my wife and she would have twisted everything around on me if I told her that I was simply dropping off her resume. To put me out over something like that says to me that there was more to it than she was letting on and this was an easy way out for her. Trust me though, I understand I must we reap what I've sown and I am only getting back what I put my wife through for the past 2 years.

Fortunately my best friend and his wife took me in over the weekend and he helped me find a room to rent. The OW stated that when she called my wife, that my wife told her that when I reached out to her a month ago that she told me that she wasn't taking me back and she doesn't want me back. That is not what I remembered my wife telling me. Once I left the OW's house I immediately called my wife for clarification and it seemed to me like she was trying to clean it up by saying that she did feel that way when I initially gave her the letter but she has since been praying and seeking God's will for guidance. I don't know what to believe. I just want to get back to living my life the way I know that I can, with honesty and integrity. Someone on this post stated earlier that I may lose both of them but gain myself. That is so true. I wish my wife would just sign the divorce papers and let me go if that is where she is. I hope she is not using this situation to pay me back for what I did to her or to kick me while I'm down. I have to think about how I'm going to explain to my kids that for at least a month or two their dad won't have his own place for them to come and stay the weekend. There is no working heat where I am and I have to boil water on a kerosene heater, then walk up two flights of stairs just to wash up. The bathtub does not hold water so I have to wash up using the sink and a bucket. I am an educated, thirtysomething year old male who makes well over $50,000 annually, but this is what I've been reduced to. I don't know how long I'm going to be living like this but anything is better than a shelter (which was my first option). I believe God is teaching me humility right now and believe me...it is a tough pill to swallow. I hope my story helps someone out there...male or female. We are responsible and accountable for the choices that we make. Before you think about committing adultery, ask yourself if you are willing to pay the price. It may cost you more than you are willing to pay.

Be blessed!

swedish

Just my opinion, but it doesn't seem you are ready to have an honest mature relationship with either of these women. If you feel you must resort to lying in order to keep them happy, you are not ready.

It seems you want what you cannot have...and if I were your wife, I'd worry that if I did take you back that you would then miss the "love of your life"...in fact, if you pointed me to read this thread, the way you speak of the OW would be enough for me to know your heart isn't 100% with me and I'm not sure it ever could be.

There are children involved that don't deserve to get bounced around so for their sake, I really think you should spend time on your own until you are ready for a long-term commitment and relationship built on love and honesty...by love, meaning that you are more concerned with your spouses happiness than your own selfish desires.

__________________
~Swedish

No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.
Albert Einstein

ainezsvulnod519

Thank you Swedish for that response. Your words cut like a knife while I was reading them but you are right on point. That is exactly what I am in the process of doing!

Lynn422

This was an excellent post. My husband had an affair for a year and he did not leave but if he considered it I would have loved for him to have read your post. That took a lot of courage and honesty for you to write something like that. A lot of times people don't miss the water until the well runs dry.