Cosmith

I met this girl I work with a few months ago. She is younger than me. To make a long story short we slept together about a month ago. She came over my place and other coworkers were supposed to meet shortly thereafter but they never met us and we stayed at my place drinking. At the time of the incident, we were both drunk and I lost my ability to say no. The awful thing is that she is married. Her husband is in the military and was on duty out of the country when this happened.

I have felt so guilty about this and it is on my mind all the time. I just feel so ashamed that I did this. I lie awake thinking about this and it torments me. I think that my lack of experience with girls made it more tempting for me. She was the first girl that showed interest in me and I think I did not know how to handle it. She was the first girl that I had slept with.

Up until we slept together she had told people that she had been pursuing me for a while, which I was unaware of. I am not trying to minimalize my involvement in this but she was the major force behind what happened, I was very apprehensive about this situation. After we slept together, she told several people at work. Within a few days, everyone at work knew. I thought this was odd as I refused to tell anyone as I was ashamed with myself. I later found out that she had slept with another guy about a week later.

About five weeks ago her husband came home and they moved across the country on a new set of orders. I have never seen or met her husband but she told me he does not like her to go out with friends and calls her several times a day to keep track of her when he was out of the country. I get the sense that he is insecure.

Up until now I am not aware that she has told him that she has been unfaithful. I have not talked to her since a few days after we slept together, so about two months ago. We last talked on bad terms because of the person she slept with after me happened to be a close friend of mine and I was upset. So naturally we have not talked since then. Unfortunately I am friends with her cousin and also friends with her cousins two best friends, whom we work with. Naturally I have been extremely concerned that these two friends do not find out, tell her cousin then her cousin tell her mom etc and the issue gets revealed to her family. So far I dont believe they know what happened, one of the few at work who dont know. However, I guess I just think the truth could be revealed at any time.

I guess I am just afraid that her husband will find out about it and try to find me and confront me about it. I am afraid he will try to seriously hurt me, the fact he is in the military and knows how to fight does not make me feel better. While they now live across the country, they both will be coming back home here for thanksgiving and christmas. I guess I just think that he might find out while they are visiting and try to find me. However, he was here for about 10 days before they moved and nothing happened.

I just dont know how to proceed from here. I have felt so ashamed with myself rightfully so and I just dont know what to do. My coworkers do not think it is a big deal and have not treated me any differently but I am just torn inside. I guess I was just raised well and am respected by others as being a very courteous and loyal person, having a high degree of integrity and being a very trustworthy and caring individual. This is the first thing I can say in my life that I am ashamed of.

I would just appreciate any advice anyone might have for me, especially how to handle a confrontation. I have never met him before so I dont know how he would react if he did find out.

Thank you

AZMOMOFTWO

hmmm this is a complicated one. I think its interesting that the other coworkers never showed up. Could she have told them not to? She may have set you up. In any case, it doesn't excuse it but it also doesn't make you a bad person. You didn't set out to do this. I doubt the husband will come looking for you. Sounds like he has a long line in front of you if he went after all the men she seems to go after. She has an issue of some sort. In any case, there really is nothing you can do that won't make the situation worse. You need to move on.

manchild

if you have to take a beating then take a beating and don't be a wuss, it would probably make you feel better to do some sort of penance

I actually doubt the guy would bother from what you've said, sounds like his wife is content to screw anything that moves and you were just available, sucks it was your first time

he sounds like he has far more to deal with than just you, the body count his wife is stacking up may rival his own from the insurrgents he's protecting us from

i.e. you haven't stolen anything from hiim that she hasn't given away to a bunch of other guys

grow a pair and move on

KSimpson99

His main problem should be with his wife.

This was a mistake on your part. Own up to it, learn from it and don't repeat it.