What should I do??

bubbleman · 11-10-2009, 04:14 AM

Hi.
I'm 37 yrs old and my wife 38 yrs old .We been married 10 yrs this year .I'm in a situation where I dunno what to do .

To put you in the picture , I got married 10 yrs ago to a wonderful woman and we got a 7yr old daughter. I work mostly overseas the past 5 yrs due to finacial reasons . So I'm at home every 3 months for 1-2 mts. .She says iI came back home about 3 weeks ago .Now things are not good between the wife and me and it is partially my fault .
She says I neglected her emotionally and its true , I did , but my work is hard and requires my full concectration , so at times I did not call her for weeks on end .
When i got home this time she just seemd different . I could not put my finger on it but there was an air of noncaring that I havent seen before .
So one afternoon while I was supposed to be on my way out to the shops , I stayed in the garage instead of going .

It was not 10 secs and she picked up the phone and called her friend - now where I stayed I could hear the whole conversation .Then I got the shock of my life. She was talking to her friend saying that old lover has called her and they've been in touch for a while ( I still dont know for how long )He has also told her he loved her and never stopped .I found out later that they been texting and calling each other for quite a while now .
He lives in another city about 1000 miles from here but he was coming to this city for 2 days on a business trip and they are planning to see each other in secret .She also told her friend that she is planning to sleep with him at this meeting ,cause there is nothing left of our marriage anyway .

The following dayu I confronted her and ofc denial denial denial .I told her what I heard but she still denies it saying their relationship is plutonic( I didnt tell her that I heard her saying that she wants to sleep with him.

I asked her to give me her cellphone but she vehemnetly refused to do that saying that I got no right to snoop in her cellphone and I gotta trust her .
Since then its been eating at my soul and my heart and the worst part is the secrecy and lies and coverups to block me out .

I dunno what to do since I dunno if I can ever trust her again .She is gonna see him this week so its hurts when I think about it . She still refuses to accept that I know something is going on .
I cant eat , cant sleep ,all I think about is them together and her deception .I got a 7yr old daughter to think of but I just cant take it anymore and called a lawyer today and I'm seeing him on Friday to discuss divorce .

Any advice wud be appreciated
Sry for the long post but the words just kept on flowing from my broken heart

Initfortheduration · 11-10-2009, 06:14 AM

You're doing the right thing. In fact tell her that the day she meets him is the day your file for D. You have to stop this b4 they have sex. If not. D her and move on. B4 she meets him cut of all finances to her. shut her off from bank accounts and CCs.

bubbleman · 11-10-2009, 08:18 AM

Thanks for the reply.Strangely ever since I made the decision to see the lawyer I've been feeling better physically.I have also told her that I'm seeing him on Friday and if she doesnt confess before then , I wud know her answer.

Making that final life-changing decisions actually make u feel better in a way since theres no more thinking about it .
The hurt seems less now that is final .

AZMOMOFTWO · 11-10-2009, 01:09 PM

Well this is probably the wrong advice but if in your shoes I would follow her to this meeting. I'd need to be sure and then I would confront her and if she chose him I'd end it.

Your job sound difficult with the overseas assignments, but your marriage is a partnership. You too are sacrificing by doing this work and she should understand that. Having said that, you also need to not neglect her emotionally. However, what she is doing is purely wrong. The other issues could be fixed but she has to want to try. If not, you need to be prepared to end it. But do not let her play you, it will tear you up.

I am truly sorry and wish you luck.

Initfortheduration · 11-10-2009, 05:26 PM

Stick to your guns bubbleman. You have to. Your self worth is tied up with not being a door mat. Have you cut off her money supply? If she works, split finances down the middle. Make her pay for her half of everything. If she is a SAHM, give her no cash. Tell her to make a list and you will go and buy it. Hang tough.