My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years now, and in the time we have been together, I have always had the feeling that he has always been looking for something "more". While through out the marriage he has had the habit of looking at other women while we have been out and about, that is what it is, and some men just do.
However, at one point I found out he had been emailing a women he went to school with and they had emailed for an entire year, before I knew anything about it and only found out about it because I came across a letter composed to her on his work computer.
We managed to work through that issue and everything was fine for awhile until I came across a letter he had started to a women (sexually explicit) telling her he loved her pictures (how beautiful they were) and what he was going to do with her. At this point, I had lost patience with him, and confronted him and he told me that he was into fantasy and was writing stories. To be honest, I don't believe him, the title of the story and some others that could not be opened were "Maria" and for several months prior to this incident, my husband was really pushing to learn spanish!! coincidence? During that time period he would come home really worked up and I thought it was because of me, but it was more of a case that he was thinking about her, and I feel even worse when I think about that.
Since coming across the letter to the woman named "Maria", I have had a very difficult time being intimate with my husband. I always wonder if he is thinking about her, or those pictures etc. It is crazy I know but I can't help it, and I don't trust him.
I do know it is isn't as if he actually went out and had sex with someone but still I feel as if he were doing things behind my back that he shouldn't have done. I wouldn't have done something like that to him, and it is hurtful. I don't know how to move past it.
You can't move past something he has not admitted to or stopped doing. Whether its an EA or something more, you cannot repair the relationship if he denies it. You will need to make some difficult choices but it sounds like he is not respecting you at all. Lots of people need hard "proof" but the information you have is quite enough but only you can decide that. If you feel he is having an affair then you need to let him know that you cannot continue like this. I'm sorry, wish I could be more helpful.
Basically, he was very apologetic, but told me it wasn't what I was "thinking" and that it was up to me to believe him, and that if I didn't believe him than I was calling him a liar. He also told me that during certain times he just gets in a certain mood and he doesn't know why and he felt that he couldn't talk to me about it, so that is why he did what he did. Originally, I felt bad that he couldn't talk to me about how he felt, as far as his need to fantasize or whatever, but the more I thought about it, the more it bothered me, since we have had so many of these little bumps along the way.
Thank you for replying, I appreciate your help. I just don't have anyone that I can really talk to about this, and it helps to at least post here.
You are feeling betrayed because you have been. I would suggest counseling. He might not take your feelings seriously, but a therapist can play a third party and help 'translate' why you're upset - and let him see what an A?? he is being. You are not crazy. And I'm afraid you might be in for a tough road ahead. We're here for you. (Because we've been there too.)
Thank you! Sometimes I feel paranoid and nutty! But I know his behaviors are not normal, wanting to speak spanish? I have taken spanish, and have plans to work with that population as I have a degree in sociology. However, he never had any interest in talking with me or learning with me I really think he was wanting to learn how to communicate with a Latina woman. At this point I'm starting to turn into one of those snoopy snoopers and I don't want to be one of those! I've really turned into an insecure person since we have been together and I don't like it but I don't know how to stop feeling this way. I do agree counseling is a good idea.
I'm glad I found a place with other who have been there!
In need of advice
I really think he was wanting to learn how to communicate with a Latina woman. At this point I'm starting to turn into one of those snoopy snoopers and I don't want to be one of those!
I've really turned into an insecure person since we have been together and I don't like it but I don't know how to stop feeling this way. I do agree counseling is a good idea.
