soiret

Hi, I'm glad I found this forum as I've been trying to get my head straight and would appreciate any advice. The last 6 months have been hell for me. I found out just after a family holiday that my wife had met a guy on a hen night - she was texting him while lying in bed next to me. She told me she didnt love me etc etc. When we got back off holiday I found out about this guy as I caught her on the phone to him. She left me and the kids that night and went to meet him the following day. After 24 hours I had a tearful call saying how sorry she was.
Anyway, a few months later, she's done exactly the same with a guy she met in Barcelona on a weekend away. And again I found out the night before she went but she still went through with it. There have been a huge amount of lies and I'm still discovering them. I have asked her to tell me the whole truth if she wants to save her marriage and she swears she is but then I find out more lies. She's created a whole fantasy world and to be honest I'm worried about her mental state.
We have two beautiful children who will be heartbroken if the marriage is over. I would still try and forgive her and try and save our marriage if I felt she really wanted to. She says she does, but that's all - there are no apologies, no reasons why she wants to save it, she just says she'll work at it. She refuses to tell the truth and just puts up a stuborn facade. What am I to do? It's driving me mad. I'm starting to think that all I can do is move out - is there anything else I can do until she's prepared to show any remorse for the hurt she's caused? She didn't even use a condom with these guys and she told us she was staying with her Mother's. I did not even know she was out of the country! She's a mother with two children, anything could have happend to her. Despite this, I really thought we'd be together for ever and would do anything to save it - but is it a lost cause? I've tried relate but what I really need now is some advice from others with similar experiences. Sorry for the long post. Thanks.

failedonce

Soriet,

I think you have your answer, no nothing on her part. Why she is living a sexual world outside the realtionship.

Time for a decision my friend, this life is very attractive to a adulteress to whom has successfully living it.

Good luck.

Deejo

This is the very thing she is counting on. Quite simply, she doesn't have to pull the plug ... she's has demonstrated no remorse or hesitation making a mockery of your marriage. Further, she does not believe that you will end it as long as she continues to lie to you that she wants to change things.

You need a nuclear option and you need her to understand that you will use it. She doesn't want you. She wants the comfort of a safety net while she pursues another option.

soiret

Thanks for the comments. She's come home tonight from counselling that I persuaded her to go to (it was meant for us but she didn't want to go with me) and has said the marriage is over. I guess I probably knew it was, but it doesn't make it any easier. I'm now so worried about how my children will take it.

robert6

Dude, my heart goes out to you and I hope the pain is not too much, however you will come out of this stronger. Use you friends and family to get through it.

Atholk

When she slips out for a drink and a passport is part of her get up... it's well over.

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mommy2

I am so sorry. They always say that kids are stronger than you think. Be strong for each other. My best to you and your kids.

swedish

soiret,

Sorry to hear this. It sounds as though she's willing to up and leave whenever an opportunity arises for her, so stay strong....stay in your home and be the stable one for your kids. Also, if she waffles on her decision, be very careful not to settle just to keep her. It does sound as though she is not thinking clearly right now.

crazybunnie25

I'm a child of divorced parents who had infidelity. My father told me at 16 that mommy and daddy are divorcing. I knew it was going to happen because I understand at that time. Along with all the signs and arguements.

Please try to keep all the negatives away from the kids.

Children loves you both equally, don't make them take sides. It will hurt when they grow up.

Try your best to keep her involve in your children's lives, even if she doesn't want to be.

manchild

First and formost....:iagree :

craziebunnie has got it right, if you value the senisbilities of the children please keep the negatives away from the kids....if it helps, just imagine when you are poised to comment upon the character of your soon to be good ridance ex wife that instead of saying "your mother is a no good lying narcissistic selfish human being" that you say "you have a mother who loves you very much" and leave it at that

I also was a child from a broken home, and as a child I loved both my mom and dad, it is what kids do we love........and the last thing a kid needs is for his bubble world to be any further shatterred than it already has been by either the mother or the father tearing each other apart...........for their sake, keep it to yourself

don't worry, they'll figure it out on their own and they will realize that it was her decision to break the family apart not yours

I know you must be in great pain and my heart goes out to you but as a victim of this type of BS I know the kids need you to protect them from it so I pray that you have the strength to take the high road