BS vs. AP
As a woman, I find it sad that BS and AP alike continue to compete with each other over a man’s affection. The man is a cake-eating cheater anyway. Even if he stops the affair and goes back to his wife, reconciliation is a long and painful journey. I dare say, it’s more difficult to forgive when the guy spends months ‘deciding’ whether to sh*t or get off the pot compared to those who reconcile when WS immediately stops the affair on DDay or stops on his own accord and confess. Even if he leaves his wife and be with AP, lies, deceits and lack of respects are not recipe for successful relationship. Please don’t tell me that the AP does not feel any resentment and hurt thinking about all those months (years) that waited and waited and the cheating bastard went back to his wife. The longer the cheater fence-sitting, the more resentful the AP.
Yet, women continue to degrade themselves just to ‘win’ the cheater. When he is the one who is supposed to move a mountain to ‘win’ us! He cheated on BS, he lied and manipulated AP (now I know that many AP thinks he is only lying to his wife, but read this forum and it’s often not the case). If he wants to re-commit himself to his wife, he should do all the hard work to earn her forgiveness. If he wants to be with his AP, just fricking leave already. If it’s too difficult to leave, if it’s not that easy (kids, grandkids, mortgage, blab blah blah), then apparently he is not supposed to cheat in the first place. At worst, he is a lying manipulative serial cheater. At best, he is a man who doesn’t know what he wants, wishy washy, and weak. Whining and whining about how bad life at home, but he stays anyway. What is so attractive about a man like this? Seriously? Many women are so focus on winning, they forget to ask themselves whether THEY actually want this guy if both were single. If he was hypothetically ‘available’, no other woman wants him (i.e. you were not married to him if you were a BS or he was single if you were an AP)…would you want a man who is whiny and confused?
Let me put it this way. If his wife and AP were drowning and he could only save one person. Would you appreciate a man who takes months, sometimes years to make up his mind while both women were gasping for air? Attractive? I think not.
It is sad to see that women continue to look for validation of her lovability and desirability from a man. I have a man because I want him in my life and happy that he feels the same way. But I really don’t need him or anyone to continue to live and be happy. I know he will be okay with or without me, and vice versa. I know I am attractive, how could I not be? God (Jesus, Yahweh, Buddha, Mother Nature, whatever you want to call it) created me, and I take care of his/her creation. I don’t need a mere mortal (especially a cheater) to validate that.
I am not going to burn my bra now, I think they are pretty thank you very much. But it would be nice to see more women taking full responsibility of our happiness (and sanity) before we share it with someone else. It sucks to be rejected. Yes, you love him so much. It will break your heart to let him go. Yes yes yes…I am not going to say otherwise. BUT. We have been heartbroken and disappointed before, we don’t always get what we want or things to go our ways all the time. I was hurt, disappointed, heartbroken. But I knew, I would live (with my dignity intact). And we live…and move on. So why is this particular cheating, cake-eating, fence-sitting guy any exception?
If the BS is male, other male posters here would rally behind him, take charge, kick her out, make her feel what it feels to live without you, if you want to save your marriage you must be willing to lose it. But if the BS is female, some encourage her to fight (and the same for AP...they are also encouraged to fight). Fight? Fight for the...cheater?
Why men must have dignity and HE decide whether he wants to take his cheating wife. But women jump through hoops (and lose her dignity) so HE decides whether he wants to go back to his wife or to AP. I don't get it.
Let me get off my soapbox now :-) Cheers.