Have you ever found something that belonged to the OW/OM?
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Have you ever found something that belonged to the OW/OM?

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 06-29-2013, 10:11 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Have you ever found something that belonged to the OW/OM?

This may seem trivial or childish but not more than 10 minutes ago, I found a small charm on my husband's keyring that belonged to the OW.

I felt a pit in my stomach, removed it and tossed it in the garbage can.

Did I do something wrong?
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Old 06-29-2013, 10:16 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Have you ever found something that belonged to the OW/OM?

Why would he have that...?
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Old 06-29-2013, 10:19 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Have you ever found something that belonged to the OW/OM?

Only wrong thing you did was not first destroying it, then throwing it away.
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Old 06-29-2013, 10:26 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Have you ever found something that belonged to the OW/OM?

No it was not wrong. I would have beat it with a hammer and mailed the mangled thing back to her. He had nerve to have that on key ring, but then I guess to cheat you gotta have nerve anyway.
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Old 06-29-2013, 10:32 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Have you ever found something that belonged to the OW/OM?

Should have chucked the keyring in the trash. About two months after d-day, I found the "old" OM from 25 years ago (that I just found out about) was "friends" with my WW on Facebook. Sounds like a small thing I know, and my WW didn't sure didn't see the problem . "I don't see him anymore except when he comes in the store, it's no big deal. We're just friends!". Well not anymore!!!! For some reason this just set me off! I woke her up just after Midnight and made her "defriend" him right then. Maybe that was wrong, I don't know.
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Old 06-29-2013, 10:38 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Have you ever found something that belonged to the OW/OM?

You did the right thing. In fact, tell him you that did it and if he gives you a hard time about it, tell him to go f**k himself and get the hell out. Leaving this memento on his key ring shows that he is either stupid, has no respect for you or is not taking your "R" seriously.
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Old 06-29-2013, 11:21 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Have you ever found something that belonged to the OW/OM?

No, he did for not getting rid of everything and anything that would remind him, how insulting, I'd be angry and feel crushed. Make him toss all of his cherished momentos.
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Old 06-29-2013, 12:31 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Have you ever found something that belonged to the OW/OM?

Quote:
Originally Posted by VeryHurt View Post
Did I do something wrong?
Yeah, you need to;
1rst- Search the house up and down and the PC, gadgets and comunications devices for anything pertaning to affair/OW and put them in a safe place or toss them to the garbage can (imagine recepits, gifts, pictures, mementoes, whatever).

2nd- Demand he get rid of everything he can find remotely related to affair/OW, inclusing immaterial things as songs and the like.

OW has to be literaly erased from YOUR life, and HIS life, finnaly including his toughts (mental NC, indifference, which you actually can't ever know).

Have you the usual snooping tools in place? You endured already a false R, he only stopped due your son's ultimatum. Don't let yourself to be fooled again. Verify on your own the end of this affair.
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Old 06-29-2013, 03:56 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Have you ever found something that belonged to the OW/OM?

I would have served in his Lasagna AFTER .....letting it soak in the toilet but BEFORE..... I coated it with hot sauce.
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Old 06-29-2013, 04:01 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VeryHurt View Post
This may seem trivial or childish but not more than 10 minutes ago, I found a small charm on my husband's keyring that belonged to the OW.

I felt a pit in my stomach, removed it and tossed it in the garbage can.

Did I do something wrong?
'friad so, but it's a rookie mistake. The correct response would've been to take the keys, go turn his car on, and then set it on fire.

J/k, you did great!
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Old 06-30-2013, 06:07 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Have you ever found something that belonged to the OW/OM?

When my stbx/wh first started working at his job, I had just had our baby, so everyone in his office pooled together and got us a digital photo frame, including the woman who would later end up being OW1. She even told me SHE picked it out, but denies anything to do with my stbx/wh (even though her number appears on the cell phone bill 1000 times, all times of the day and night, EVERY MONTH, for years).

Needless to say, it's sitting in the garage, covered in dust and spider webs. The only reason I don't toss it is because it has some value to it, but it SICKENS me to think that this b!tch picked out this gift (stbx/wh claims she is lying and someone else did the buying, so who fvcking knows. I guess they've both been lying so long, they forgotten what TRUTH is).
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Old 06-30-2013, 07:31 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Have you ever found something that belonged to the OW/OM?

VH, is it at all possible that he forgot it was there? As ridiculous as it might sound... Personally, I never look at some things, keychain included. I would not know for a long time if you put something new or removed something not regularly used from my keychain, or from other parts of the house for that matter.

When I went and trashed everything OW-related (former wayward here), I STILL found random crap that I had forgotten about even after the major purge.

I don't think you were wrong to throw it away. It's not trivial or childish in the least.
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Old 07-01-2013, 01:56 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Have you ever found something that belonged to the OW/OM?

Quote:
Originally Posted by VeryHurt View Post
Did I do something wrong?
No.

But you perhaps do need to look at why you would even question yourself on this very appropriate response to a painful betrayal. I would have been so angry (even if he had forgotten it was there) that I would have wanted to do a lot more than just throw it in the garbage can.
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Old 07-01-2013, 04:18 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Have you ever found something that belonged to the OW/OM?

There is a little ledge over the glovebox of the "magical" SUV where my WH's watch laid next to a pair of women's sunglasses for over a year.

Finally one day while he was driving, I put down the window and threw both items out so WH (dumb *ss) would get the fvcking point.

I'm not normally a litter bug but to have to look at that sh*t for a year, wondering if he would ever get a clue was too much.

Both items would still be there today if I had not chucked them. My WH is just stupid.
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Old 07-01-2013, 07:12 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Have you ever found something that belonged to the OW/OM?

I found paper towels that my wife used to clean up and it had his semen on it. I saved it just in case I needed "proof". That was from 2011. About a month ago I burnt it in our driveway after telling my wife what it was. She was not keeping it as a memento I found it when I came home one weekend and I kind of knew what it was and she did not have time to clean her car.
She also gave me a polished stone heart and a heart keychain last year, and she said this is a reminder that you will always have my heart. Well she did not end the A and around the same time I burnt the paper towels we were driving and I showed her the keychain that she gave me over a year ago and as we went over a bridge I threw it out into the river. I said this is what your cheap meaningless tokens mean to me.
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